Complaining neighbour

[ivise]

So today for the first time my neighbour has left me a note on the door saying that my child has been loud for some time now and that she can't take it anymore. She is new to the flat and is down bellow me . Sometimes she works from home which I didn't know . She says she can hear a constant running and stomping (probably when she plays ball or ballon) yes my child can be quite active but what can I do , tell her off , she is starting school next September so I am hoping that will give her some peace but I am not sure what else I can do . Now when the weather is nice I am sure we will be out more often ,but of course when she is home . She seems quite considerate of understanding I have a child and that the floors are awful but I am not sure what she wants me to do .
Anyone has dealt with this situation? How would you approach someone with the note like that ?
Bear in mind I have never had complaints from anyone before . Also she has had complain from neighbour down bellow her about loud music in evenings which she did disturbed us as well .Considering it was after 11pm but we never complained about it , it's has been stopped from what I have heard x

Jesus, you can't let a child play with a ball indoors, OP!

'Soft' or not, she can hear your child playing with a ball in the flat, and that's not a suitable inside toy. Save ball games for when you're outside.

Thank god.
The voice of reason. I thought I was going mad.

@ivise your dc is allowed to play in her own home and as long as she’s not screaming or jumping off sofas then she’s fine.

I wouldn’t stop a dc of mine from playing even if she was running about.

Wfh doesn’t top playing at home.

Agree with other comments about soundproofing better for when you're in a lot. Children have a right to play of course but the sound of a bouncing ball is particularly annoying so skip that! I've lived in several flats with kids living above, one with hard floors, so I can sympathise with the neighbour as well as the OP.

Ballgames indoors is pretty antisocial and not very sensible - don't you have stuff on shelves to get knocked off - and windows?

Obviously her scampering about and playing generally is fine.

Just intervene and redirect her if she's making a lot of noise repetitively.

I'm guessing that you're probably in a converted Victorian building? Those were never intended as separate flats and the sound proofing is almost always atrocious. We bought a flat recently for our student son to live in with a lodger, and for this reason only considered purpose-built flats. You can't hear a thing inside his flat, even with a newborn baby in the flat below (you only hear it crying in the communal hallways / staircase). And we laid laminate flooring in the hallway and kitchen (obviously on sound-insulating underlay) and they say they don't hear anything - admittedly our son makes everyone take off their shoes at the entrance).

I really don't think it sounds as if you're doing anything wrong. As long as there is no excessive noise between 10 pm and 7 am (I may be wrong about the exact times) or on Sundays she doesn't have any grounds for complaining - although of course you'll want to keep the relationship as positive as you can.

I think you should explain that you have carpets and don't wear shoes inside, that your daughter goes to nursery and you try to occupy her as quietly as you can when at home, but there isn't much more you can do - she's a young child and it's her home too. And maybe suggest using noise-cancelling headphones if she's finding it hard to concentrate?

We lived in a flat when mine were small. We went out every day regardless of the weather - to the park, city farm, out on the train somewhere, swimming. The idea was to tire them out, so that early evening could be for colouring, books, TV etc. No running in the flat, jumping off beds, and certainly no ball games.

Really!!!!

Oh dear what a depressing thread!
It’s not hard to see why so many kids are lacking in basic manners, creativity, imagination and dare I say…intelligence if the parents think the only way kids can play and have fun is by bouncing balls or running and jumping around. Sure that’s great for outdoors.

There are endless indoor activities: colouring, painting, jigsaw puzzles, Lego, reading books, dolls house, face painting, arts and crafts….but yeah “kids will be kids innit” so why bother. 🙄

Yes, really!!!! If you can't cope with the normal sounds of everyday living from your neighbours during daytime hours - which includes things like washing machines, telly at a reasonable volume, footsteps, and, yes, young children playing, then you're not suited for living in a flat.

In saying you think people with children shouldn't live in flats, you are tacitly admitting that the level of quiet you expect flat-dwellers to keep to is beyond what most children are capable of maintaining. Therefore, you think the normal sounds of children existing are unacceptable in a flat. And that is a completely, outrageously, almost sociopathically unreasonable expectation.

Young children playing yes, running and playing with balls inside no. Whatever happened to basic manners and consideration for your neighbours. Thank god I have a lovely neighbours and not someone who thinks like you. (And lucky for them I’m a decent parent so they don’t have to listen to a marauding brat).

It’s not sociopathic to take physical activities outside, it’s what parents used to do (and decent ones still do) for many generations, to be considerate to their neighbours.

Agreed! I’m sometimes blown away by the bratty, awful behaviour allowed by some parents (sen excluded), but this thread has drawn out the very people I’m sure are THOSE types of parents.

Thing is polite well behaved children are welcome everywhere, favoured by teachers in class, other parents for play dates and babysitting by friends and family. Parents don’t do their children any favours raising them up to think of themselves without consideration for others.

Op has stated many times it’s a light ball and she has carpets. Kids are allowed to play!

You are right, this is a depressing thread and the more responses like yours I see, the more depressed I become.
Perhaps you can use the intelligence you speak of to reread this thread and see where the OP talks about the fact her toddler does in fact do all these indoor activities and also plays with a soft ball in a carpeted flat.
You are right on one score, however, "kids will be kids" Aren't they entitled to be?

Are we then assuming that the neighbour was brought up by "those parents" with playing her music until eleven at night and leaving schoolgirl notes instead of engaging with the OP. I can't help but notice you have no problem looking down your nose at a toddler being a toddler but can't quite seem to muster the same animosity towards the neighbour.

If I was the neighbour being disturbed regularly by a noisy family, I wouldn't see why I should keep my music down in the evening (11 isn't late). I might even do it to make a point.
There needs to be give and take and understanding on both sides.

Possible that the neighbour feels annoyed and embarrassed about being the subject of a noise complaint herself, and has decided to complain about OP's child. That's just how some people are.

Actually children are allowed to scream, cry and shout as that's normal behaviour. However it isn't supposed to be constant.

Jumping off the sofa or any furniture shouldn't be allowed mainly because that's a way for the child to hurt themselves and break the furniture.

Most built up areas have laws that restrict you from making a statutory noise nuisance after 10.30pm/11pm. If you live in a flat there are normally additional restrictive covenants in the lease which restrict noise nuisance from 10.30pm/11pm and/or disturbing neighbours.

Playing music so it can be heard outside your flat would fall foul of both of these and would get those not involved in your dispute with your one particular neighbour complaining about you as well.

However if you decide to play music/practise an instrument from 7.30pm until the cut off every day it makes it harder for people to complain.

Also if you are a good musician few people complain but you will still likely to get one/two complaints.

It’s an adults world and children are ok to live in it as long as they are quiet indoors, outdoors in public and in private because these adults are very sensitive.

I've read people on here moaning about trampoline springs creaking and children being visible over the top of the fence when they bounce on one.

I don’t know if it’s a western thing or not but as a society we are becoming increasingly intolerant of children being children.

In a few decades they will be the ones putting up with our dementia meltdowns and wiping our backsides, hopefully they will be kinder and more tolerant than we are.

There's a really easy middle ground here for sensible/decent people to follow when they live in flats with children:

• Take your children out to get their exercise and need to jump, scream, run, shout (all normal and to be encouraged) at the park, soft play or any other suitable place.
• When your children are inside the flat talk to them about and train them to have "indoor voices and feet" - why? Because they need socialising and should understand respecting neighbours.
• Will they do this perfectly all the time - No. But it should not ever be allowed to be constant.
• Inside should be about crafting, playing and cognitive activities such as colouring, Lego building, jigsaws, art, or just watching a nice film.

It's pretty simple. You are doing them no favours at all if you bring them up to be unsociable and you are setting them up to fail at school.

Are you always so sanctimonious, or do you save it for online forums?

If these grown children have been pandered to all through childhood, I doubt very much whether they'll have the emotional intelligence to work with people with dementia.

It might be that the underlay for the carpet isn't good quality as that can be a contributer for noise