Complaining neighbour

[ivise]

So today for the first time my neighbour has left me a note on the door saying that my child has been loud for some time now and that she can't take it anymore. She is new to the flat and is down bellow me . Sometimes she works from home which I didn't know . She says she can hear a constant running and stomping (probably when she plays ball or ballon) yes my child can be quite active but what can I do , tell her off , she is starting school next September so I am hoping that will give her some peace but I am not sure what else I can do . Now when the weather is nice I am sure we will be out more often ,but of course when she is home . She seems quite considerate of understanding I have a child and that the floors are awful but I am not sure what she wants me to do .
Anyone has dealt with this situation? How would you approach someone with the note like that ?
Bear in mind I have never had complaints from anyone before . Also she has had complain from neighbour down bellow her about loud music in evenings which she did disturbed us as well .Considering it was after 11pm but we never complained about it , it's has been stopped from what I have heard x

I work from home and used to live in a flat, I just brought noise cancelling headphones. With a pair in I heard nothing and if anything it improved the quality of my calls! Of course a ball really isn't ideal for inside but running around playing is something you really shouldn't have to apologise for. I'd just politely say she starts school in September and I will continue to make day time memories with her but I will make sure the ball is kept outside, and attach a £5/10 voucher and just say a contribution to your house cancelling headphones.

Pandered? Or just allowed to be children? One could argue that it’s the adults now who’ve been pandered too and expect their world to be as exactly as they wish it when they wish it.

No.

My background stems from both western and eastern Europe. Traditionally, children were expected to play where they were not going to cause disruption for others.

I have family members in both parts of Europe who are teachers. All report that children who come from homes where they're allowed to do as they please without thinking about the impact on others are increasingly deregulated.

The biggest issue here is that the neighbour downstairs is working from home….
Prior to lockdown, she would have been out of the flat by 8am and not back until 6… so she wouldn’t have heard your daughter or anyone else’s…
If she chooses to WFH she needs to remember that the flats are residential and not office blocks. And she can’t expect everyone to be quiet all day because of her choices.

*disregulated

I think there's a balancing act here - yes, children should be allowed to be children and allowed to play - but also we need to teach them social skills and consideration for others so they don't grow up to be entitled obnoxious shites as adults. Teach 'em to be the neighbour you'd want.

Some noise from play is fine and bursts of exuberance or emotion are also fine.
But really noisy play for extended periods and ballgames belong outside.

I d t think this sanctimonious, just unremarkable common sense - though sadly it's not seen as unremarkable

I've been there. In the first property I owned. Over 40 years ago.

I travelled a lot. So obviously the flat was completely silent, when abroad. But everything I did, when home, including running a bath, irritated them.

I did talk to the neighbours. Because I'm not a loud person. And I am polite and respectful.

I pointed out many things, including their advantage I was absent 50% of the time.

However, I also pointed out my rights, including socialising, which could further impinge on their peaceful enjoyment.

It was in no way confrontational. The aim was, how could we live together.

The one thing that became obvious was pre-knowledge and expectations.

I let them know when I would be abroad, so they could make the most of my absence.

I let them know when I would have a social gathering - so they could go visit their children.

So just suggesting - you let your neighbour know when your child is starting school. You drop through the letterbox the term times and holiday times. You let them know when you're going to be away.

Just keep them informed.

You're maximising their ability to work around your noise.

But if they know your routines and expect noise at certain times, people adjust.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle what are you actually saying?

Worth pointing out that working from home is how a lot of disabled people manage to hold down a full time job. It's not as easy as 'go rent a workspace'. The rise of working from home during the pandemic was a great leveller for equality.

But of course, as always on MN, casual able-ism is OK...

Use noise cancelling headphones?

🤣🤣🤣 Indoors are for quiet play, reading, colouring 😂😂😂 seriously fuck off

You sound inconsiderate! Take kids outside to run, scream and throw balls. Then when they're inside, get out the dolls, crayons and paint.

We used to have this at our flat in Spain - my mum was a nightmare. Shoes off outside the door, no running, tiptoe through the flat, pick your chair up and place it gently before sitting at the dinner table. She would then tut loudly at every poor person just walking around in the flat above ours or pushing their chair back.

Leave your neighbour a pair of noise cancelling headphones and let your kid play.

And keep your fingers crossed that the kids will always follow the curriculum you have set out for them.

No where did the OP mention that the neighbour had a disability of any kind and it would seem more than relevant a piece of information. It's acceptable for people to infer that the neighbour is able bodied and suggest that renting a work space be an option. Maybe not the best option for a myriad of other reasons but accusing people of casual ableism is a more than a bit silly.

Some of us are adept at raising kids correctly, and some are not.

I am “Eastern European” (Ukrainian by birth) and spent most of my 40+ years living in that part of the world but I’m sure you know best.

Also, nobody said about children doing as they want. My point was about this increasing trend of intolerance towards children quite simply being children and doing what children do.

I recently returned home for a stay and my children couldn’t believe the freedom their and their friends have. Nobody minded and smiled seeing the children play. Here- they’d be clutching their pearls.

Lastly, with the current epidemic of poor mental health displayed in children perhaps it’s about time we had a rethink. Toddlers are expected to manage emotions, despite their brains being nowhere near developed enough to do so and suchlike. And it goes on. Perhaps that weight of expectation from the older generation starting at such a young age is starting to tell. Clearly there is something wrong in the way that children are being raised. The new work at home trend is just another example- adult decides to work at home- children have to change their behaviour to meet the adults expectations to make said adults life easier.

"I'm sure you know best..."

My, how snarky.

When I visit the relatives on my dad's side of the family, their children certainly do have freedom to play, but I assure you that a child who decided to play with a ball in the house would receive short shrift from my cousins, aunts and uncles.

The OPs child isn’t a toddler, maybe you missed the part that they are starting school in September - and guess what school will enforce? Playing ball games/running/jumping outside at playtime, not indoors because they are teaching kids manners and how to behaviour appropriately.

This thread is really all about respecting others around you, I’m just glad I have lovely considerate neighbours who shock horror have kids too. Not all parents think the world revolves around their child being able to do what they want.

No one mentioned the child bouncing a ball. She said she has a soft ball that she sometimes throws around.

Not snarky, weary.

The OP quite clearly said a soft ball. The child isn’t playing rugby, volleyball or football. It’s a soft ball and I think those with very young children know exactly the type she means. My young children have a football net with a softball in the living room. It’s a soft ball so they can’t kick it in each others faces and hurt one another. Can’t hear it on carpet etc. They have never broken anything because they aren’t big enough to throw it high or hard enough much less kick it. OP’s child must be around the same age as my eldest.

Regardless. My original point still stands.

Difficult situation ,but ball games in the house!
get a waterproof and take your child to the park lots of outside play and exercise is good for children, they are calmer sleep better and more healthy for it .
great that your child is active and playing though not just stuck in front of the tv constantly,as so my kids are
outside play walks every day , possibly trip to library they do free story time sessions for little ones etc

Carry on as you are, it’s during the day, it’s noise during the day, night time is completely different. It’s her choice to work from home, everyone shouldn’t have to bow down to that.

Make sure any balls are small and not heavy. My daughter sounds like a baby elephant when she’s running up and down on the wood floor, if you can, maybe get a thick rug in the space she plays the most but I don’t think there’s much you can do. As long as you aren’t deaf to any shrieking and shouting and she’s told to use a quiet voice it’s what’s to be expected when you have neighbours with children.

Indoors are for quiet play. Reading. Colouring etc

Have you had any experience of children? Not all children sit quietly all day reading and colouring.
This thread is nuts!