Complaining neighbour

[ivise]

So today for the first time my neighbour has left me a note on the door saying that my child has been loud for some time now and that she can't take it anymore. She is new to the flat and is down bellow me . Sometimes she works from home which I didn't know . She says she can hear a constant running and stomping (probably when she plays ball or ballon) yes my child can be quite active but what can I do , tell her off , she is starting school next September so I am hoping that will give her some peace but I am not sure what else I can do . Now when the weather is nice I am sure we will be out more often ,but of course when she is home . She seems quite considerate of understanding I have a child and that the floors are awful but I am not sure what she wants me to do .
Anyone has dealt with this situation? How would you approach someone with the note like that ?
Bear in mind I have never had complaints from anyone before . Also she has had complain from neighbour down bellow her about loud music in evenings which she did disturbed us as well .Considering it was after 11pm but we never complained about it , it's has been stopped from what I have heard x

I bought a flat once and vowed never yo have one again. They are not soundproofed enough. I could hear my neighbours TV fgs.

I'd look at noise insulation - the pads shared earlier are a good option.

Do pop and see her, though, so she knows you're not irresponsible. Tell her what you're doing with the noise insulation, but ask her to wear noise cancelling earphones too. Make sure you carry on talking. Sept will be here before you know it...

Would you have suggested this if the OPs child had been a boy?

I bet not..... because "little girls should be quiet of demeanour but boys will be boys ey!"

Pfft

Hopefully you can have a constructive conversation, where you both look at things that might help without restricting your lives. You said you'll stop allowing your child to play with a ball inside, so that's one useful change. It may be that if she knows which days your child is at nursery, she can opt for those days for working from home. Just knowing that you'll be out more once the weather perks up and that daughter starts school in September may make her a bit happier.

How sad! I am feeling for all the active children who are expected to just read or colour when it is not them.

I am not in a flat thankfully, so I don't need to worry about neighbours, but our playroom has an abundance of nerf guns, basketball nets, a small climbing frame and slide, and several types if ball. Some children have a lot of energy to release!

When you have children you do tend to get used to their noise so it may be that she is a lot louder than you think. I'd take her some flowers, apologise and come up with some solutions of how you can try and make things better. Perhaps, as she works from home, you could limit playtime to another room not directly above the room she is working in and as others have suggested put those foam mats down. I can imagine if she is having meetings and needs to speak to people either on the phone or through teams it can get annoying hearing thud, thud, thud above you. If she sees you're trying, I'm sure she will be fine.

Hahahaha 😆😆😆

O wad some pow'r the giftie gie us, to see oursels as ithers see us!!

😆

One of the issues with people working from home is that they expect to have quiet in which to work. It’s not an office environment, it’s a home.

You DD is just playing in her home. If the neighbour doesn’t like it, they need to go and work in a workplace.

You need to take some accountability for this. There should be no running or stomping or continued walking around, or playing ball inside the flat. Go outside every day and walk/exercise/play. Comments above regarding buying a rug are useful. The noise currently must be awful for your neighbour.

I wouldn't do anything different, OP.

My office is in a mixed use building in central London and far noisier than my home in the countryside! There are kids above in a flat, running round, playing the piano, playing with toys. Hotel staff getting stuff out of a storeroom, emptying bins and clanging about. Noisy people and cars outside if I open a window. Doesn't usually bother me at all, and I can easily put headphones on if it's distracting.

This! And then has the cheek to say the problem is the neighbour is home all the time because they work from home.

No the problem is you think it’s acceptable to let a child bounce balls in the flat and run about. Take them outside to play like most considerate parents who live in flats do!

Your neighbour works from home so wants her flat to be quiet like an office - which it isn’t. It’s a home with people living and making noise. Just tell her your child starts school in September so she’ll have more peace and quiet then. There’s absolutely nothing you can do. She’s probably frustrated but it’s not your fault. She’s moved somewhere that doesn’t suit her needs.

She is completely unreasonable to believe she can have peace and quiet to work all day from home in a flat with families around her.
You have carpet.
Get a large extra rug if you can, but children do move about.
Be as considerate as you can be but children will move about.
Tell her your child will be at school from September, but beyond that you are entitled to live in your flat.
Even normal walking around can be noisy where there is poor insulation.

You can't make a toddler sit still and quiet all day. Obviously, they shouldn't be tap dancing, but toddlers move.

Who plays ball inside?!

I think quite a few respondents possibly haven't had children in a flat...?!!

We played with balls (soft toys not doing actual fucking sports or something) when ours were toddlers in our flat. Our floors were pretty good though I suppose as no one ever complained.

If you have no outdoor space and no ground floor playroom like so many people seem to in the U.K., then your active toddlers/ children will make noise. That's just how it is.

Soon your neighbour will have peace during working hours thanks to school and she'll have to suck up a couple of hours of noisy stomping between school and bed. There we are 🤷🏽‍♀️

just have a chat,
dont make any promises
dont take offence
listen to her, and explain she will go to school in september,

Youre not doing anything unreasonable. Shes moved into a flat. Bad move if you want to live in silence.
I would just ignore it

Yeah, I wouldn’t change anything. Your neighbour doesn’t sound suited to living in a flat and that’s not your problem. You aren’t doing anything antisocial, you are just living in your home.

It sounds like you are very unaware of how bad the noise is for the flat below. Myself and friends rented a flat, a work colleague of mine lived above with his wife and 2 young children. We were out at work all day but when at home the kids were certainly noisy, sounded like they were bouncing balls constantly but we weren’t overly bothered and never complained. One day he came down for a chat and coffee he was astounded by the noise from above and assured us the kids didn’t even have a ball in the flat so had no idea what the noise was. We told him it was fine but they were certainly quieter from that time on. His awareness meant they made small changes that made a big difference.

I just threatened my child that I was going to open the window and boot her ball out onto the street, it is a big bouncy ball and I live in a house but the noise is so annoying.

My Childs dad has the same issue with his wfh downstairs neighbour. Despite the fact that our child is with him less than half the week, is in nursery full time and sleeps from 7pm to 7am the neighbours life is apparently being “ruined” by her noise making. The reality is it’s an old flat and noise travels.

I think this is something people really need to think about when WFH. It’s totally unreasonable to request a family tip toes around their own home because you are treating the space as an office.

OP as long as youre not shouting to each other through the house, have your shoes off, clamp down on jumping and throwing big things then there’s not much more you can do. Extra rugs isn’t a bad idea either. Good luck!

Swap the ball for a blow up beach ball? Lighter, less likely to damage things in the flat and packs away easily.

When you live in a flat you have to accept it's not the same as living in a house. On both sides. So, yes your neighbour absolutely has to accept there will be some noise if they have someone living above. But on the other hand, if you live in a flat with a child, you have to accept that they can't play the same games that they might be able to if they lived in a house. There should be no running, jumping or ball playing in a flat. It may not be fair, kids will be kids and all that, but everyone has to have consideration for the others.

My upstairs child sounded like a baby elephant with clogs on during her toddler running round phase. I put up with it knowing it was a temporary phase, but asked my neighbour to keep her from bouncing on and jumping off the bed when the thumps made my light fittings swing. That's when I discovered the neighbour didn't know I could hear all tye running too. She put down a thick extra rug, it helped, I began a weekly babysitting stint, we all became friends. They moved out after 8 years and I miss them! Ball games in a flat are simply not on; but making friends with your neighbour is a real win-win.

Sounds an awful situation. A foam or sponge ball or throwing small beanbags through a hoop or something would be the best option if she has to play indoors, even the light plastic ones make a smacking noise. The weather has been absolutely terrible this week so I can understand that she has to burn off energy indoors somehow. As pps have said, foam matting would insulate some of the noise.