Complaining neighbour

[ivise]

So today for the first time my neighbour has left me a note on the door saying that my child has been loud for some time now and that she can't take it anymore. She is new to the flat and is down bellow me . Sometimes she works from home which I didn't know . She says she can hear a constant running and stomping (probably when she plays ball or ballon) yes my child can be quite active but what can I do , tell her off , she is starting school next September so I am hoping that will give her some peace but I am not sure what else I can do . Now when the weather is nice I am sure we will be out more often ,but of course when she is home . She seems quite considerate of understanding I have a child and that the floors are awful but I am not sure what she wants me to do .
Anyone has dealt with this situation? How would you approach someone with the note like that ?
Bear in mind I have never had complaints from anyone before . Also she has had complain from neighbour down bellow her about loud music in evenings which she did disturbed us as well .Considering it was after 11pm but we never complained about it , it's has been stopped from what I have heard x

Wow! I'm glad I'm not your kid. I'm glad I don't know your kids! Quiet play only sounds like stifling creativity.

Quite the opposite. Clearly you lack imagination if you think creativity requires throwing a ball about indoors.

You let her run and play ball games inside in flats? If you want to do that you need to move to a detached house, can’t afford it (I can’t I live in flats) then you need to be considerate to your neighbours.

Of course you don’t want your child to sit in front of the the telly all day, that’s why you take them out to the park once a day, if it’s raining put them in a puddle/rain suit and wellingtons.

Nuts, my brother and I were very sporty but there was a no balls/no running rule in our house. Both of us grew up fit and strong without the need to run around and play ball inside. Some of the replies to op make me very aware of why there are so many utterly wild and annoying brats in the U.K. atm. Learn some manners op.

Nuts, my brother and I were very sporty but there was a no balls/no running rule in our house. Both of us grew up fit and strong without the need to run around and play ball inside. Some of the replies to op make me very aware of why there are so many utterly wild and annoying brats in the U.K. atm. Learn some manners op.

👏

No... The best thing for people who have a very low tolerance for noise is to not live in flats.

People who live in flats shouldn’t have to put up with noise because all they can afford is a flat. Utterly ridiculous thing to say.

I live in a flat and chose a ground floor flat because I have a toddler, if I couldn’t have found a ground floor flat I would have soundproofed the family and nursery rooms.

I take her out every day she isn’t at nursery, rain or snow, to either the park or a soft play type or place so she gets plenty of exercise and games and we have a no balls/running rule in my home. I have elderly neighbours above who are lovely as are my neighbours to the side who are a young couple wfh. We all get along because we are considerate of each other.

Rare these days in the era of me me me entitlement.

I think that's a bit harsh
Some indoor games create noise

So does the washing machine, hoover, radio and tv

Maybe as she works from home (and the home is a home not an office) she needs noise cancelling headphones?

Some of the responses on this thread are utterly delusional.

Once again, despite the name of the site, I am convinced half of the commenters have either never had children, or it's been so long since theirs were little that they can't remember what it was like.

Yes, there are plenty of calm and quiet activities that will occupy a pre-schooler - for 30 minutes max!! And then they're up again. Even something "calm" like baking cakes with my LO involves her trotting around here there and everywhere all over the kitchen. My 3-year-old even stands and walks around while watching telly. Most pre-schoolers physically can't stay still for more than half an hour from the minute they wake up. Ditto with taking them outside... yeah, great - for 3 or 4 hours max. What about the other 8-9 hours they are awake, when you need to get housework done, get their lunch ready etc., and meanwhile the children are walking up and down.

And very young children naturally walk with a flat-footed gait. That's part of their physical development, it's not something you can or should stop.

There was a court case about this very topic in Germany a few years ago, and the German court ruled that children have a right to play, and therefore that neighbours had no right to complain about ordinary levels of noise made by children playing in their homes during the day.

Whilst of course you can discourage things like jumping off the furniture, screaming (not saying you allow that anyway), etc., and you could get those foam mats and a few more rugs, your neighbour can also buy some noise cancelling headphones, or, failing that, rent a workspace.

And people with children shouldn't be barred from an entire swathe of the housing stock - which often constitutes some of the only housing in certain areas of certain cities - THAT is also an utterly ridiculous thing to say. If every family with young children currently living in a flat decided to move to a ground floor flat, there wouldn't be enough flats to go around for everyone who needs them.

OP is letting her child play ball and run inside. Of course children make noise and walk (🤣) inside but it’s up to the parent to mitigate that so that neighbours can enjoy peaceful enjoyment of their home. No screaming, running, playing ball inside.

To add I have a toddler.

Kids are allowed to live their lives too though - play (yes, active, physical play) is a massive part of a kid’s life.

If you don’t like living amongst (below/on top of) others then don’t live in a flat. Move somewhere you can afford not to be in a flat. We did!

I think OP sounds really reasonable and receptive to her neighbour’s concerns and notes tbh. But a kid can’t be expected to be quiet in their own home.

Where did I say they should be excluded from a “swathe of the housing stock”? I chose a ground floor flat to be considerate and they were available. However if upper flats were the only ones available when I was flat hunting I would have put rugs or matts down to sound proof rooms used for play.

Yes, you're right, parents should mitigate children's walking so that neighbors can have "peaceful enjoyment" of their home.

I think this is a misinterpretation of what the concept of peaceful enjoyment actually means. It doesn't mean total silence, or the absence of other categories of people (children) behaving in a normal way for persons in that category. Children are noisy by nature. Children play, in their homes. That is what a home is. Working, is not a normal activity for the home. If you want to work, there are workplaces where you can do that. If you want to exist as a child, the home is the normal place to do that. Children should not have to be made to "butterfly walk" (see upthread for this ridiculous suggestion) so that the normal flat-footed walk of small children is not annoying for neighbors.

Bouncing balls, sure, please bounce your ball outside. But inside the home, small children do not have volume modification. That's not how they are designed and they shouldn't be made to feel guilty for existing as themselves.

Good for you. However my child has plenty of exercise and play, and my neighbours are considerate to me and I to them.

I repeat my brother and I both had a no balls/no running indoors rule at home (as did every family I knew) and we competed at multiple sports in the First 11, and both went to university on scholarships so it didn’t do us any harm. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Flats are notorious for conducting noise. Some household noise is inevitably going to percolate through to your neighbours. But outdoors is the place for ball games.

I live in a downstairs flat and we have a six year old boy above us. He honestly runs every single time he moves. They also own a game or some contraption that requires bashing and bashing, sometimes for up to an hour. It is obviously something to do with the boy because you can hear him laughing when all the bashing is going on. I can also hear him jumping on and off what I assume is the sofa and sometimes it sounds like my ceiling will come through.

It is really, really soul destroying. It takes over your life. There are really nice people and I don't suppose they realise how a lack of sound proofing makes things so horrendous. I was once the mother of a young child and if I had lived in an upstairs flat I really wouldn't have let them play games that would disturb the neighbours - not on a regular basis anyway. When I was a child we lived in a very large detached house and I certainly would not have been allowed to jump off the sofa or play loud games.

Send her a note

Im sorry that the noise has been too much for you. We have a no shoes policy in the flat and I will ensure to keep her quiet from 5 pm until bed time and again in the morning before 9am. So that she is not disturbing you before you go out to work and after you come home from work.

TBH you can't be expected to keep a child from making some noise but keep it to a minimum and perhaps go to the park early and have reading and bath time after 6pm which then isn't going to be long before bed for a child of 4.

If the person in the flat below chooses to work in the flat rather than in an office space then thats not on you

I was in a seaside hotel recently, it was a big, big splurge for us. Family in the suite below had three kids who literally were kicking a football against the walls of their room. On and on and on. Finally I stomped very hard on the floor; a minute or two later they emerged and went onto the beach to play. The lack of basic consideration out there is immense. They had to know there were people in the rooms around them.

OP - dont be 'that' person

She plays with a ball ? I thought it was a general rule and common sense no balls in the house 🤔

OP - just a thought.

I’ve mentioned that the wee girl above us was allowed to
run around at reasonable hours. I was told to run about outside.

instead of balls, I was allowed to use inflated balloons inside instead of balls. Might be an idea.

Working at home is a perfectly normal and mainstream choice. I don't understand the hatred for people who do it.

I would take a guess at rank, seething envy.

The original comment I was replying to said "The best thing for people with kids is not to live in flats". The OP has already got carpets. Rugs etc. can mitigate some noise but they can't cancel it out completely. Children are naturally louder than adults just living their lives and going about their day. Anyone who chooses to live in a flat has to accept normal sounds of living from their neighbours. That includes any sounds of washing machines, talking, walking, television at a reasonable volume etc. during the day, babies crying, and it also includes the sounds of young children walking, talking and playing.

It's not hatred of people who work from home (I work from home), but severe irritation with people who choose to work from home and expect their neighbours to cut out all the usual sounds of day-to-day living, including children playing in their own home.