to think that this current batch of 18 year olds are REALLY messed up?

[WishIMite]

I try not to generalise about groups of people, but I can't help but think, looking at my children who span various ages, that the current batch of 18 year-olds are more of a mess than the other age groups.

So much drug-taking, unable to make eye contact, rudeness (which I think is social ineptness) and lack of socialising together. Just a total lack of social skills and resilience really. They don't even seem to have proper friendship groups and alliances.

Can't help but wonder if lockdown hit them at a really crucial age.

Do other parents of 18 yo wonder the same, or is it just that my 18 yo and friends are particularly shit?

With respect this thread is ridiculous. Op had a child that was hospitalised. But to start a thread saying all one age group are ....this, is naive.
Most are saying their dc are nothing like it. Had it never occurred to you before to question why they had friends who did these things. Surely you've thought this through before?
Some children were affected by Covid more than others. But that was 4 years ago, so what have you done about it since?

Work in a school and there's a real split - some kids are great and can talk to anyone, others seem stuck in the immature rut of thinking adults are a different species. We're in an affluent area and I put it down to middle-class neglect - some kids are bunged money to go to Nandos with their mates and never sit down for family meals and learn to talk to adults.

My almost 18 year old has never smoked weed (she knows what can happen when you start taking weed) although I know some of her friends do.
She, her friends and boyfriend all seem pretty normal. Generally happy and polite, no issues with jobs or social skills.
My 16 year old in the other hand doesn't seem to socialise much or know what is socially acceptable. Age? Lockdown? Her autism?
I suspect the latter. But 18 year olds seem okay IMO.

@GreigeO they had years 9-11 disrupted by Covid with minimal periods of schooling which were governed by Covid rules/lockdowns/social distancing etc. Years 9-11 are critical in teen development. How dare you undermine what they went through.

my 18 yo DS has an incredible friendship group. They run, go to gym, sea swim, go clubbing etc together. They all have jobs. Mine does shifts at a posh restaurant as a waiter. They get up to some mischief I am sure, but they always look out for each other. They all have great social skills too. We live in a small town in a rural area that is generally quite safe. So they have had a lot of freedom to roam. I wonder if that has anything to do with it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was about to say snap. Ds does caving, cooking, hiking, gym, going out, shifts in trendy restaurant, travels, great friends from university, work and school

We’re in London though it can happen here, although university elsewhere

My nephew isn’t like this. He’s probably the most social out of all my DSis kids. He goes to Uni and when not there works, plays football, comes out to family meals and parties. Very social and kind. He’ll even socialise with my friends and drinks a lot less alcohol and smokes a lot less than I did at that age.

@Whostolemymojo @EasternStandard Yes, my teenagers are both physically active-(DS is out playing football with a friend right now) and it definitely helps their mental health. Plus they don’t want to mess up their bodies with alcohol or drugs as it’ll affect their athletic performance. I know that DD (19) drinks, but not excessively. She’s more controlled than DH and I were at her age. 😂

My kids are older but my experience of a lot of this age group is through work at a walk in centre where I find a lot of them extremely entitled, disrespectful, demanding and very rude! What happened to having respect? Yesterday a young girl (19) told me she could say what she effing wanted!!

YANBU the vast majority of teens are currently socially inept. It’s not helped by the fluffy ‘parenting’ they have received.

I’ve worked in universities for around 10 years and the last couple of years there has been a noticeable change in young people. Lots of social anxiety, inability to sit exams or get work done on time, very poor mental health, no resilience, a huge increase in young people saying they are suicidal because they have had an argument with a friend or feel stressed about work, normal stuff really but not being able to cope with any bad feeling. All I can think is the pandemic has had a big impact.

That’s so sad, @Kindling1970 🙁 Touch wood, my DD (19) has coped well in her first year, I hope it continues. 🤞

They will still have been developing, they weren’t locked in a box. Mine certainly went on a lot more country walks than she would have done otherwise, it wasn’t all bad.

Walking dogs and meeting up in groups Of 6 and xmas cancelled no parties to start those first alcohol experiences and Boy/girlfriend romances and school on off on off for months Exams cancelled

That's not going to give a 14/15 year old the life experience they need to mature They need to be getting lost on the bus. Splitting up with relationships
Working out how to solve issues themselves. Not stuck at Home Add that to those with any ND and No mental
Health support

18 years olds I know are pretty tame

My dds friends are not upto half as much as we were at same age.

They seem in a lot of ways still
Like 16

In someways it's nice What's the rush.

The brain changes the most during toddler years and the teen years so these kids haven't had the opportunity to practice skills and I bet kids that were 2/3 in the pandemic are massively young for there age now too.

All these people saying their child will never smoke weed or take drugs because they do well at school 😂😂😂 my friendship group includes a child psychiatrist, a lawyer, a dentist, a Professor and two teachers and all of us spent our entire late teens and 20s taking all the drugs of the day!

"Normal patters of schooling and socialising disrupted for a bit” Maybe you live in a different country, because that most certainly wasn’t the case in the UK.Not being able to see your friends for months on end, during the lockdowns, how could that be considered normal.

Not sure that ppl are that naive @Sassoon . It’s just that they’re currently more restrained than we were at the same age!

I have an 18yo dd. I don't recognise what you're describing at all in her, in her boyfriend or in her large group of friends, so I think it must be area dependent, or potentially just your dc's social circle.

DD and her friends are mostly very positive, polite, well-adjusted young people with excellent social skills. They are extremely sociable and spend a lot of time with each other. No drug use, no smoking or weed etc, moderate but usually sensible alcohol consumption. They are generally confident, capable and ambitious. The vast majority drive, have jobs etc alongside their studies etc. Tbh, I often think that they have it far more together than I did at that age!

DD does know people her age who are very different to her and her friends, but I think there have always been different groups amongst teenagers with different habits and priorities etc.

DD found the lockdown years hard because she is very extroverted and didn't like being cut off from people. A lot of her friends struggled during those periods too, but I don't really think of it as affecting any of them now. They mostly seem to have forgotten about it and moved on with their lives as normal...if anything, perhaps they are slightly more inclined to "seize the day" and do fun stuff together because they went through a time when that wasn't possible!

Mine are 16 but from what I hear from them (and from friends with teens), and what DH sees with young lads they take on at work, weed is definitely a big problem!

On the other hand - they don't seem to drink like we did - which is a good thing. Sadly I think there isn't the pub and club culture now for them to go out meet people unless you live in a city - which is why they don't drink, and also why they meet in each others garages and smoke weed. It's hard for them to develop social skills, and they don't have much fun.

Only way to meet a partner is OLD.....

If they go to a concert it costs £100s. Also their socialising involves spending huge amounts on Costas or takeouts which are stupidly overpriced these days.

They know they can't get on the housing ladder so what's to save for? I so wish my DD was able to enjoy the easy and fun social life I had in the 80s and 90s - but there's nothing here in the sticks and she would never afford rent in a city. Life is really crap for teens these days.....😕

When are we stop using the covid lockdown as an excuse now for things?

Did you have your mid teens shut in your house?
They didn't get the early release of going to a friends house for a few ciders.
Didn't get a sneaky pub visit.

They went from 15 to 17.
It's a huge difference.

I for sure did not experience any of those as a teenager. I turned out fine (late 00's)

How much longer are we going to be bringing out the covid excuses for now. In another 4 more years, so 8 years after the pandemic. Are people still going to be bringing it up then 🤷‍♀️

I am not saying it's an excuse.

Mine are not going about smoking weed and robbing people.

But they are anxious.
They missed out on the years of probing life,with a big safety net.

@Mademetoxic I agree that today’s teenagers will move past the pandemic’s effects at some point in the next few years, mine already seem to have. But some are still working on it.

As a middle-aged adult, I felt that 2023 was the first truly “normal” post-pandemic year.