To be irritated that my dh couldn’t just buy the kids a souvenir each

[Shitvenir]

Instead of a random plush to share?

He’s been away with work for a week. One FaceTime in all that time. Most of my text’s unanswered (I only sent 3 a day tops). It wasn’t his idea to bring something back for them, I suggested it might be nice so they knew he was thinking of them. A bag of sweets they wouldn’t get at home or something small, even a bloody pen each surely would be nicer than a stuffed animal that neither of them can have in their bed without the other being upset? I just wanted him to be a bit thoughtful.

Maybe he's just a thoughtless knob

I just counted and I’ve sent DH 18 texts, today. He’s sent me 11. We’ve both been WFH, and only left the house to drop off/pick up DC from childminder. 🤣

And, yes, I think your DH was inconsiderate.

He is a muppet. 2 bags of airport sweets would have been perfect (mine adore mini tic tacs in a massive tic tac container) even my dh buys one each for the kids

That’s really lovely.

Lazy, unthinking arse he is

Jesus Christ if 3 texts a day is needy me and DH are fucked 😂 DH sent me 9 yesterday! Outrageous.

OP, your DH is an idiot and definitely should have thought about getting something for each child.

I would be upset too . I’m assuming I’m also needy as my partner calls me on his 2 breaks and txt at near twice a day 😂🤷🏻‍♀️. If he goes abroad he calls and txts a lot more

Oh for God's sake, dramatic much? She's not keeping the home fires burning and keeping her children safe from predators while he is off hunting wooly mammoth. Presumably the OP and her children are getting on with middle class modern life in comfortable circumstances, no need for constant checking in. I've been both the spouse at home and the spouse away working and contact is always minimal enough and no fuss. Then a nice and meaningful catch up once home when there is loads to catch up on. This idea of a unit that must be constantly in touch as many here advocate would be such an annoyance and turn off for me, has no one ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Well I feel about to have a panic attack just reading that! I guess we're all different and that's grand so long as both parties are into it. Maybe the OP's spouse is just not as keen or at least, not when he's away for work like that.

Did anyone actually use the word 'need'?

By the time I get back to the airport after a longer trip I am missing my family, and by bringing something back that represented my trip in some way I hope to convey the message that they were 'there with me' for want of a better phrase. No they don't NEED anything but it eases my mother guilt somewhat. They're young adults now and I still do it! Something for my partner, too.

It's not always a proper gift as such, when they were little they were thrilled with a little bag of airline crackers each! If I'm overseas it might just be a brand of chocolate or mints we can't get at home.

Agree.. we actually like talking to each other 🤷‍♀️

Not sure if it is much or not but thinking about it, my ex traveled a lot and we didn’t text at all (unless something untoward happened like someone dying) but we talked every night.

I know youre trying to be funny, but she is exactly doing that, which shouldn't be taken for granted, yet it clearly is. I think a lot of people would see a spouse's lack of regard and communication as a massive turn off, especially when the kids are obviously young (unless the toy he bought for them to share is completely age inappropriate, which given this guy's apparent inability to consider his family, would not be very surprising).

Im unimpressed with your dh. I'm away for work at the moment, and one of my conditions for agreeing to come was that I would be able to take time out of the planned agenda to call and facetime the kids every day. My client is a billion dollar company, and they agreed without hesitation. They have been extremely supportive of my need to communicate with home and I've texted dh several times a day as well as the face times. Frankly I'd like to see more men asking for the same accommodations, it would mean I'd feel less awkward about it.

I've bought the kids a cuddly each and a pack of sweets each, i have gifts for dh too. I think that's guilt for being away from them. Going home Sunday and I cannot wait.

How horrible for you that you think that is "suffocating".

That is just really sad.

I had wondered when you showed the toy and mentioned it cost 20 pounds. I was going to ask if it was made from the wool of virgin sheep or hand sewn by virgins..... 😉

You need to order another one for your other child and when it comes, just mention that Snowy couldn't be there right away because he had work. 😇

It looks like they sold him the small one for the price of the medium-sized one. Ooops!

Genuine question…

Why does the thought of messaging your partner make you panicky?

I’ve just counted and DH and I sent each other 50 messages yesterday. Some of them were just a thumbs up and one was me making a mini shopping list. None of them are high demand messages and it’s not just one of us asking what the other is up to. It really is just general chit chat and silly photos/videos.

Agreed. My late husband liked to keep in touch with me.

Maybe he worried too much, but if I was heading into Edinburgh via the park 'n' ride, I'd phone him once I was on the bus there. Similarly, I phoned once I was back in the car on the way back. (Texting didn't work - he had left eye neglect following a stroke plus macular degeneration.)

Damn, I was a lucky woman. He found it easier to answer the phone than to make a phone call latterly, so when I had a day bed procedure he waited for me to phone to say that I was on my way back via patient transport.

I walked through the door and he headed off. I assumed he was going to the loo.

He came back through with a cup of tea for me, which he was carrying with great difficulty. He was a big softy and I was blessed.

It's so sad that some people think that three texts a day is a bit much.

Men have form for this.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3348730-DH-thinks-he-s-King-Fucking-Solomon?flipped=1

My DP was trying to find a booking reference for something on his camera roll that other day, he ended up scrolling through dozens of pictures of random cats, the baby calves and lambs in the field next to our house, some ducklings etc…
I had lovingly WhatsApped them whilst he was at work.
The person requesting the reference didn’t seem to find it out of the ordinary either.

I don’t think 3 texts a day is abnormal at all, as well as all the cute pictures we also text several times a day. It’s usually nothing important but we are on each others minds.
I always thought this was normal? I definitely don’t think it’s unhealthy or we are too co dependant or weird.

I think the people who are saying 3 texts a day is too much are the minority in this situation.

I also thought the “where are my?” Texts/calls were mandatory for husbands and partners.

“Where are my keys? Where is my coat? Where is my lunch? Did I forget it? What times the dentist etc…”

I always say having a womb isn’t a built in tracking or locating device 😂.

Not need I guess, but I'm really not a gift person. I'd much rather just spend some extra time with the kids when I get back.

Airport stuff is so overpriced, I don't want to end up spending stupid amounts of money on tat that the kids will play with once.

I also don't like the sugar = love thing.

I think you’re looking at it a bit strangely, to be perfectly honest.

It’s not about sugar meaning love. It doesn’t also mean you won’t also spend extra time with them when you get back.

Buying your child some foreign sweets or chocolate is just a nice, easy way of saying “I missed you and thought about you”.

So according to this thread, your communication is beyond shit, but also 3 texts a day is too much.

Make it make sense.

@theleafandnotthetree probably just texts to say things like “darling, I’m making a cup of tea. Want one?” Etc. Nothing panic inducing about that. It’s normal. Better than shouting up and down the stairs.