To orchestrate a play date to get this dad's number?

[JaneDough94]

My daughter is friendly with another girl at her school who is slightly older and in a different class. We (me and DD) bump into her and her dad most days on the school run and the girls get along really well.

I'd like to get to know him better but I'm far too shy to just say that, so would it be unreasonable to use a play date as a reason to get his number? 😂

He's a single father, mother isn't on the scene.

WDYT?

Isn’t that the case for any dating situation?

It's the tactical nature of it that's uncomfortable imo. It's just creepy.

So OP doesn’t feel ready to ask him out on an actual date because she doesn’t know him well enough. She doesn’t have the opportunity to spend time with him organically in a meaningful way. So what would be your suggestion that she does to get to know of him better?

I say go for it OP! Ignore the doom mongers!

To just roll with it! Anything other then 'orchestrating' anyway. Maybe it was just an unfortunate choice of word but imo it sounds grim.

What does rolling with it entail when they do not have meaningful time to get to know each other?

Obviously but becoming your best friend's stepsister adds another factor to it. Same as if it were anyone in the child's school year.

@Didimum

If you view something negatively, you assume harm or damage will be done. Asking what the harm or damage is is an entirely relevant question. You presumably can answer it, you just won’t.

I didn't answer 'what harm' because I was answering the question of the thread regarding the method.

So if you desperately need an answer, no harm, some harm, lots of harm... you see? Nobody knows what will happen and I wasn't even talking about potential outcomes, just simply saying the method is not appropriate imo. It's not particularly negative to say I don't agree that OP should use her child to gain a man's number; again, the outcome wasn't part of my posts.

I agree. If it were "I've organised a play date for my daughter and I really hit it off with her friend's dad wibu to ask him on a date" that's different to "can I use my child to try and get close to this guy?"

I disagree. Don't die wondering. Do something. Anything.

Can't you just chat to the guy when you see him? If he has any interest in you, you'll probably pick up the signs and signals then one or other of you can suggest a coffee or something?

That's different though. Can I use my child to get close to someone is quite different to I happen to fancy my child's friends mum.

They aren’t in the same school year.

I didn't say they were did I.. 🙄

Exactly!

But if something isn’t appropriate it means there is something wrong with it. So what is wrong with it?

But if something isn’t appropriate it means there is something wrong with it. So what is wrong with it?

The bit where OP is using the child to get a man's number. I, and many others, have said this several times over.

You said ‘becoming your best friend's stepsister adds another factor to it. Same as if it were anyone in the child's school year’.

They aren’t best friends or in the same school year. So what’s the relevance?

I think you are getting a hard time, I don't think it's that bad. The kids are friends anyway so a suggestion of a play date is fine.

Yet no one seems to be able to actually set out what is wrong with it or what the harm done by it is. If there is no harm done by it then how is it wrong?

Moral postulation is rather useless without a justification of the actual reason.

JaneDough... your idea sounds reasonable to me.
The two girls are friends anyway.
You're not gonna jump on the guy and embarrass him-you-the kids.
All you're planning to do is maybe to see if there is an interest there from either of you.
If you don't put a careful toe in the water, you won't know if it's icy or not.
s an aside, you sound so fun, and I wish you luck.
Do come back and tell us all about it, and how inappropriately (joking of course !) you behaved....

@5128gap well this is sensible advice! Hummmm… if the two kids really are good friends, and assuming they’re close in age despite not being in same school year, then a play date is a normal occurrence no? Both and your child and yourself (?) would be benefiting from it. No harm in casually saying something like, ‘got to run but, if your daughter would like a play date with mine over HT just give me a text?’ No need to arrange it there and then. He would then have your number and the ball would be his his court.
oooh keep us updated what happens 🍿 😅 seriously tho good luck with it OP, if he’s had a rubbish past experience in the relationship with his daughter’s mother he might be once bitten twice shy 🤔 something to keep in mind. Also this play date if it does happen will give you the chance not just to get to know him a bit but to rule out a girlfriend…

The title gave me the impression you were thinking of pursuing a playdate purely to chat him up. Your further posts give me a different impression though. If the kids are getting on though I'd try to arrange a playdate for their sake. If you end up really hitting it off with the dad as a side effect then I'd advise you to tread pretty carefully because if it goes wrong it could make school pretty awkward all round. On the other hand, you might live happily ever after together so I wouldn't completely rule it out. Just, as I said, tread carefully.

I must be missing something here…what about all the mums who arrange play dates on mat leave and through nursery whose kids are far too young to understand/care about friendship? Are they not also “using their kids” to get mates?

You don't use your kids to get sex