To think my mum should keep her disappointment to herself

[spiralstair]

Just found out we're having a boy and we're very exited so told my mum and she sounded visibly disappointed saying I imagined you to have a daughter, she then went on to say there's something very special about having a daughter and a mum/daughter bond maybe you'll get one next time.
She now keeps saying every time the baby is mentioned how strange it feels that I'm having a boy and that she keeps picturing a girl.

Then the last straw is how she keeps looking at all the lovely dresses in the shops and has to drag herself away reminding herself it's a boy.
She's really taken the shine off this pregnancy and I'm starting to feel really angry and avoid the subject.
I have told her I'm exited to be having a boy, I'm wondering if she's trying to relive having me through my baby or why is she finding it so strange that my baby is a little boy.

How lucky your DS is to have you. You sound wonderful 💙

Bloody hell, what the fuck is wrong with her? Did she ever make YOU feel worthless @spiralstair (for being 'a girl?')

Congratulations and best wishes💐

I'm sorry, but your mother is extremely emotionally inept.

Thank you 💐if I ever have those thoughts I just look at my beautiful baby and think how lucky I am!

what a manipulative b, sorry your mum knows exactly what she's doing and is a horrible woman

Ah, you need to talk to your mama and let her know how this is making you feel. You’re both losing out on a really precious bonding time that you won’t get back.

I've got boys and they're amazing. The bond is very special and I don't see that changing. I don't have an overly strong bond with my mother. It's not always the case.

I loved having a baby boy. Loved having a baby girl too.

I can't say there was any difference in excitement in shopping for either of them. You can get some adorably cute outfits for both boys and girls (look at the JoJo rompers for boys) and if anything I was pleased to have the boy first since his clothes are more unisex and less unicorny than many of the girls things you see and DD has reused most of them, which might not have happened the other way around. Today was a digger jumper with a rainbow princess skirt.

My MIL was exactly like this but about me having a girl. She had had two boys and never warmed to DD like she did DS.

Yeah boys are awesome (as are girls). My DS is brilliant, unique, frustrating, amazing, wonderful, disorganised in equal measure. But I know he loves me and he knows I love him and I wouldn’t change our relationship for anything. Children are an absolute blessing whatever their sex. Enjoy your wonderful child.

So relieved to hear someone else thinks this.

Sometimes family threads on here are like listening to howling, hissing alley cats.

I saw an incredibly beautiful baby on the train today. No idea if it was a boy or girl. I think your mum is definitely going to fall in love with your child.

😱What a thing to say to someone?! Does she have some issue with men, and dislike men and boys generally? Never mind "wearing her heart on her sleeve", it smacks of mental illness to think it in the first place!

I had similar (but not nearly that bad) when I had my 2nd boy "ooooh, bet you were hoping for a girl?" Not from family though, thankfully. Error, no. I was hoping for a baby! FWIW, boys are so much fun to parent. Although I'm sure girls are too. They're all just funny little people at the end of the day

I’m sure she’ll adore him when he’s here but it doesn’t make it any less hurtful now x

Tell her directly that her negative comments are hurting you and destroying your excitement. And if she can’t say anything positive about your jellybean, to say nothing. Ridiculous behaviour.

@spiralstair Boys are wonderful! The mother/son bond can be far closer than mother/daughter.

Your mum is being absolutely unreasonable!

Are you me 😂my mum has been saying the exact same! Tbh I take it as a compliment that after all the years of butting heads she only wishes I were having a mini me with our bond! I think it’s just taking my mum time to adjust that this is something different than what she had and she clearly really enjoys reminiscing about being a first time mum herself, so I don’t really hold it against her, if that helps reframe things in any way..

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! It will be very exciting having a boy, have you thought about names yet?

It's a reasonable expectation that an adult should be able to read the room and manage their disappointment (not sure over what exactly!!) privately.

If you have the energy next time, she says something have a mini-breakdown and get her to apologise for her behaviour.

That's a really crass thing to say to you.
WHY does your mother want you to have a female child so much?
Is it because she wants to dress her up like a little doll in frilly dresses?

Can't think of any other reason?

Both boys and girls can be lovely- it depends on their individual character.

She's lucky to be a Grandmother at all!

I will never be one {I have a son who is adamant he doesn't want children and has made sure he can't have any}

Your dm needs to count her blessings. I would like any grandchild. My dc decided not to have dc.

Tell her that she is ruining her mother/daughter bond with you.

This- with bells on!! Although I appreciate everyone/child is different I can hand on heart say there is no lovely mother daughter stuff I was told there would be, they much preferred their dad. My son on the other hand has always gravitated to me. I had hoped he and his dad would be close and do boy stuff but nope 🙅‍♀️ my son and I are very close; I'm just hoping as his sisters get older it will come with them too.

Oh my - this is absolutely awful.

I don’t understand gender disappointment as I wasn’t bothered either way.

I would tell her how it is making you feel and maybe she could stop being so selfish and insensitive.

People need to realise that children are not dolls. They're not fashion accessories. They're not props for your Instagram account. They're actual humans. They deserve to be accepted for who they are - which is what we all, even adults, want.

Years ago we didn't have a this type of problem.
I only knew when my girls were born what sex they were. Your Mum couldn't have upset you then. Maybe think about it if you intend to have more children in the future.