How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

DH and I worked hard through school and uni. We worked long hours with young children. Survived on very little sleep for long periods of time. Yet, here we are, living paycheck to pay check.

I went to school with this girl who was the popular one, trend setter, all the boys fancied her.
She went to uni, worked hard no doubt, met and married a very rich man, had 2 kids, lived a charmed life, loads of holidays. No apparent money worries.

She died 2 years ago aged 40 of cancer.

I get where you’re coming from OP - I’m in the thick of it right now too but honestly, jealousy is wasted energy. I bet you have many things that others would be jealous of you for

It’s probably easy to cope when one has some free time in life. I have some temporary caring responsibilities for an elderly relative right now. They are mobile, but need assistance with food, laundry etc, Plus my twins are doing their GCSEs. Work is insanely stressful (stressful period). I have no time to exercise and I’ve put on 4lbs.

I don’t have time to wash my hair. So fed up.

I'm sorry about your business - that's really shit. For myself, I try to keep an eye on the media I consume - so my insta is mainly gardeny people, rather than super glam rich people, and I mostly watch stuff on streaming. That means that I don't have the Pippas of this world in my mind really!

Also as above - everyone has something missing. We don't have pots of money but we are healthy - I know people who don't have that would give anything to be well, or a mother with an ill child would do anything to have a healthy one, like I have. I know it's easier said than done - very much a case of you don't know what you've got till it's gone!

I totally understand. I have worked hard, being the first in the family to go to uni etc, was brought up on benefits. Now have a fairly decent salary (60k ish) as does husband but life doesn't feel as easy as it should. I'm well into my overdraft with another week til payday. Life is definitely not fair!

You live in the UK in 2024. Compared to almost anyone in human history you are incredibly fortunate. Try to focus on how you can improve your own quality of life as that's the only thing in your control.

I totally get what you mean, but this is a huge waste of your energy. Pippa Middleton’s life is totally abnormal. If you compare yourself to people like her you will be unhappy forever, focus on small things within your own life that you can control.

It’s not about Pippa Middleton, that was just an example. There are many others whose lives are a lot easier. There are SAHMs in my kids school, they drop the kids off in a large 4x4, and go to the gym. They live in large detached houses.

I just don’t understand how my life is better by working hard all my life vs some girls in my school who have no GCSEs, prioritised parties and boyfriends, etc. A couple of those girls (they are really nice people, we are in touch, sometimes bump into each other) live in a council house and work cash in hand jobs. They have more disposable income than me and seem to be way less stressed.

I don’t understand where I went wrong.

Life has a funny way of balancing things out. You never know what's happening behind the scenes. And remember social media is all smoke and mirrors!

Also remember comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison is the thief of joy - an oldie but so true.

What's great about your life OP? I bet there's loads that other people daydream about having.

Take a trip to Khartoum, or Port-au-Prince. Hang out for a bit, then come back to your life and let me know how it's going then.

Pippa Middleton’s sister has cancer. No one has everything

You sound privileged if you are taking about not having a cleaner. Most people don't.
Don't compare yourself to others. There's always lots of people worse off.

I am sorry but if you compare yourself to the top .1% you'll always be miserable. Imagine if you'd focus on hospital much luckier you are than the people that live in extreme poverty, have a terminal illness, work in terrible conditions, those that are homeless or have an addiction , those that are slaves (sexual or otherwise) this world can be really hard for many people, and yes there are very few lucky ones. You do you and stop looking at what others have.

You just see what you want to see. You have no idea of what's really going on in their lives. Any one of those SAHMs could be on a two week pathway for cancer tests or other conditions. They could have so much hidden stress that you don't know about. They could be looking at you on the school run and wishing they were you.

I would rather have my own financial independence than rely on someone else’s!

Compare down. It helps. Also if your twins are GCSE age they shouldn't be making so much of a mess.

If you're really set on comparing yourself to other people I'm sure you could find ways your life is "better" than any given other person's life. Whether that's family, health etc. as others have pointed out.

I'm sure some of those rich people are deathly jealous of even richer ones while others are happy with their lot and enjoying life.

When you think the grass is greener elsewhere, it's time to tend to your own grass.

Unfortunately, most of us are in this position where we're trying to make the most of our income and limited in resources and time.
It sounds twee but what helps is finding joy in something every day and having things to look forward to. Getting out in nature helps a lot too. It brings us calm and some rebalance.

One day things will change for you. Your dcs will get jobs, they'll move out, your mortgage and bills will reduce so just ride this wave and make the most of what you have.

I get it, its really hard not to feel jealous.

All those saying ‘oh they might be ill / have a terrible husband / be unhappy’ equally, they’re probably not. Some people are just lucky and happy!

The same could be true of poorer people as well - so you could be unhealthy, miserable and poor.

Whats the saying ‘I’d rather cry in a Ferrari than a Ford’

But anyway, it’s normal to feel jealous. I’d work on just accepting the jealousy, allow yourself to feel resentful and that life is a bit unfair, and then try and focus on the good aspects of your life.

People will always be better off than you, but equally, I’m sure lots of people would like your lifestyle too.

I am a LP without support, I privately rent and things are tough. There's always someone who has it worse off.

https://www.givingwhatwecan.org/how-rich-am-i

Try this. I found with a meagre income I was still richer than over 85% of the rest of the world.

One of my friends is lucky rich. He’s really unhappy. You’d never know it from the outside or his social media or whatever but basically he feels like he is lesser because he didn’t really truly earn his money (albeit he makes out to all but close friends that he did).
I earn a pittance but I think I have way more job satisfaction than he does.

You will drive yourself mad comparing.

Dd best friends mum is properly insanely rich - think manor and staff. She called as I was at the tip. She had no concept of the tip or even what it was! Cracked me up!

Or luckily healthy, luckily clever, luckily youthful, luckily popular, luckily lovable, luckily talented, luckily fertile, luckily lucky.........OMG it's a wonder I can bother to get up in the mornings but I do because I'm luckily grateful for what I do have