How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

I know what you mean. Knew one or two like this. Privately but not uni educated, married privately educated men, gave up work when first of many children born, now children grown up are working part time for pin money, live in the most expensive areas in the county.

I”m grateful for what I have though. Lovely DH, health, nice home, occupational pension…..

I’m not sure it’s helpful to combat jealousy by imagining the focus of that is secretly miserable. Basing your happiness/satisfaction on someone else’s imagined doesn’t strike me as being particularly healthy tbh. Some people are as lucky and as happy as they appear, and equally those in a less fortunate financial position can be utterly miserable in every aspect of their lives.

it may be easier said than done, but focus on yourself. Look at what you do have the potential to improve in your life, and work to do so.

Sounds like you have a lot on.

Being a sandwich between elderly relatives and stressed teenagers is not easy.

GCSEs will be over soon. Then you will have a break and teens tend to be less stressed with a levels.

But on another level:

Britain has never been a society where working hard gets you rich.

The easiest ways to get rich:
Be born rich
Be insanely clever like someone like Dems Hassabis or Terence Tao (and use it to make money)
Marry someone rich
At age 18 analyse which Jobs make lots of money (finance, law, accountancy) and do one of those specialising in the money sides whether you like it or not. Try not to get fired and you'll need to work long hours because everyone else is doing those jobs to get rich too)

Don't waste energy on jealously. You have no idea, they could be utterly miserable. And make your kids tidy after themselves, that's a non negotiable in our house.

being jealous of someone else won’t make them any poorer, nor you any better off.

Try not to look to the wealthy as having ideal lives. There's only so much money can really improve your life, there will be a saturation point at which nothing seems special or a treat any more because you can go on holiday or out to dinner or have a shopping spree any time.

Money does not stop wealthy people from being cheated on, getting divorced, having health and addiction problems etc. Money is useful up to a point but then it's just more ... stuff.

Don't pay attention to celebrity stuff?

I don't know. My frame of reference I suppose is where I grew up where my family was amongst the better off and I saw a lot of poverty and chaotic families around me.

Very true. And I remind myself that there is nothing material that I really want that I can’t afford, I have simple tastes in most things.

It's funny, I'm rarely envious of wealthy people but when I am, it's the self-made people that make me feel that way. The "organically wealthy" are just so remote from me, I can't relate at all.

The self-made give me a bit of hope, something to thrive for, as well as admiration, but at the same time, I'm well-aware it comes with sacrifice I'm not willing to make, and requires skills I don't have (or not willing to acquire)

As I say though, I'm rarely envious, I have enough and am aware that many people don't have that chance. And overall, sounds very corny, but my relationships are what is most precious to me. And in that department, I'm very rich.

Growing up we were lied to that hard work correlated to money and sucesss. That's certainly not the case in this financial climate. And there have always been people who do the bare minimum and still earn their salary.

The people with the new 4×4s and detached houses won't be satisfied either, they'll want newer, bigger or better.

We are all rich compared to some and we are all poor compared to others.

You absolutely have time to wash your hair, that’s a ridiculous thing to say.
and im terribly sorry you can’t afford a cleaner, I mean, the rest of us manage just fine, the world wont end.

seriously, comparison is the thief of joy. It sounds like you’re actually doing pretty ok. Stop looking for things to complain about.

I hear you OP. It can be shit sometimes and you’re allowed to feel like this even if there are others worse off. No point suppressing feelings they are all valid.

My mother used to say to me ‘worse things happen at sea’ or make me watch PollyFuckinganna and tell me to be glad like she was . It didn’t help it made me more irritated.

You sound overwhelmed and exhausted. Kids going through GCSEs is hard and you have 2 ! I hope you can find something small each day to make you feel just a bit better till the crap time passes. Even a short walk in the fresh air or a decent coffee or watch something funny. I hope it all gets better soon

This. Come on OP. Have a word with yourself.

The only person you are hurting by doing this is yourself - surely that's a good reason to stop?

I'm sorry you've had some bad luck and it sounds as though things are difficult for you right now. It's fine to to have your feelings.

But, you can change the way you think about this. Yes, some people have more money than you, and more things, and maybe have a better life (in your eyes). So what? What's the point being jealous? They're not you. They don't have what you have. I don't look like a film star or a model, should I be jealous of them? I can't play concert piano, should I be jealous of someone that can? My house has 3 bedrooms and their house has five. It's raining where I live, should I be jealous of someone who lives where it isn't raining. It's totally wasted energy.

Focus on what you do have, enjoy the people around you and your interests. Make little steps to improve your life everyday (that are achievable). Look for meaning in your work and relationships. Enjoy every sandwich. Stay off social media. Speak to people on the phone. Bump into people you meet in the street and have spontaneous conversations. Get some exercise and move your body. Spend time in nature. And stop comparing yourself to other people.

In 25/30 years you would give anything to be at the age, health and appearance you are at now, stay off social media, set rules with your kids, they are old enough to not leave mess. Life is a slog, if you became really ill you would be so mad at yourself for being jealous, I went through this stage you are at now, and then I had a massive health scare, f*ck me it change my prospective on life! I would rather be skint than go through that again!

Teenagers + elderly relative to care for is shit. Lots of middle aged women are find themselves in that "shit sandwich" as another poster put it. You're in the thick of it. Deep breath. It will be OK.

I was born poor but ended up lucky rich via marriage. Not Pippa Middleton rich by any means, but 2 dcs in London private school rich. I can't pretend I did anything to end up like this except meeting a man (who is a lovely partner and very equal). I had some less lucky circumstances before I met him but it's not really as if that evens things out. But it's like anything in life, money, health, children, jobs. Sometimes it works out well and people have done nothing to deserve their good fortune, and others have done nothing to deserve their misfortune.

Having money is not the only measure of success or fulfillment.

I think it's important to remember money doesn't equal happiness and purpose, plenty of rich people who have it handed to them have things they'd be envious of in others who don't have money.

I used to be a jealous type but I realised it gives me nothing. It just makes me bitter and gives me a chip on my shoulder over something that is absolutely none of my business. There's a man who works on the farm I'm on and he's always so positive about everyone and when it's someone rich or someone who has more than him he's pleased for them and lets himself admire it then moves on. But he also does the same with people with no money, the same admiration and positivity could be for someone's car they fixed or someone's garden. He's happy with what's in his plate and isn't looking at others trying to see who has more food.

Maybe we could all be a bit more like him. I think he's like that because he's so grateful and happy for his life even if it doesn't look like a lot compared to others. He loves being on the farm, he loves being in the countryside and he loves his vegetable patch and chickens.

I'm not sure why I'm ranting about him so much 👀

Also another man I know who's from the countryside he works as a digger driver and he's the most content man I've met along with the other man I spoke of. I saw him once at a country fair, he had his van and he had lit a little bonfire and had his dog and he was just laying back in the sun smiling to himself waiting for his water to boil for tea while some bacon cooked on the pan. I remember thinking "that's happiness", and he also never is jealous of others or gets funny about it.

In short I think the trick is to make peace with your own life and see enough is as good as a feast.

sorry for the novel!

It's called life. It's a treadmill for most people who work, have children etc .It's been like this forever, unless you are aristocratic,, born into money or win the lottery,,!! Those women you see with the detached houses and 4×4s, how do you know they are happy? Their husbands may be wealth but they might be controlling arseholes.
I think.you are being slightly unfair giving Pippa Middleton as an example of a wealthy layabout. Yes she had a nice middle class upbringing, married well etc, but as another pp pointed out, her sister is battling cancer and all and riches in the world can't take away her fears for her sister

Not abnormal to feel jealous sometimes, you’re only human. I have friends who will inherit more than what I spent decades working to earn and whose parents buy them their homes and cars etc, meanwhile I have to give my parents money and pay for everything. Also friends who live in extremely fancy houses and have daily cleaners and gardeners because they married someone rich.

important to realise though that it is a waste of energy thinking that way. Like with everything else that causes u happiness you need to focus on what you can control otherwise it’s just wasted energy. Someone told me practicing gratitude ( writing a list of things you are happy about ) would help, and I’ve tried that when I’m down and it does!

But additionally I know it's hard to do that with money struggles and the way things are going. I think it's a matter of time and patience. You'll be really proud of yourself and your family once you've got through it all and can feel better. I hope things get easier for you!

You're equating money with happiness, that's foolish.

Many people would be jealous of your life.