How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

Comparison is the thief of joy.
And you have no idea of the lives of the 'luckily rich' (stupid fucking phrase)
So didums, you have to work hard. Some do, some don't. Some are luckily wealthy, some scam the system. Others do not
What message are you sending to your kids? That it's ok to be moany and jealous? That life is unfair and no matter what you do, life is shit?
Well yes, life is unfair. And has been since human-types began to evolve. "Her cave is better painted than mine, but of course, she is luckily wealthy because her dad fought with a nearby tribe, won and took their land, she's never done a day's work, and she gets her wolly mammoth steaks delivered by Harrocks"...

By being grateful for what you have, and realising people will have worked a lot harder than you for a lot less. Don't take things like health and love for granted either.

Exactly what I do.

If you don’t like your life, then only you have the power to change it. Or you can waste it being miserable and wishing you had more? There are people who would do anything to have healthy children, a husband, to own a home, to have a job, to be healthy enough to work… yes there will always be someone richer or happier than you, you need to work on your contentment. Get some fresh air, catch up with some friends, cook a meal you love, read a book, watch something funny on tv. Take joy in the moments. Because otherwise YOU are the one who is wasting your life. There will always be someone with MORE but my god, there are a lot with less.

OP you do have time to wash your hair. You are just overwhelmed and not prioritising it.

I speak from experience as was in a similar place. Eventually it all came to a head and I ended up snapping. I needed several weeks off work.

You need to take a moment and put yourself at the top of the priorities list. You will be no good to the kids or relative if you are burnt out.

Meet your own needs then see what capacity you have left to support others. It's not easy but so incredibly important for your wellbeing.

YABU,

I work for billionaires and honestly there isn’t one of them I would want the life of for more than a week. Money doesn’t buy happiness, in fact it can make you miserable in different ways, and it also doesn’t buy nor fix what’s most important (health, fertility, relationships).

of all the rich people I know (and it’s a lot now), most of them are extremely isolated. Having a lot of money means having a lot of “interested” people in being part of your life for all the wrong reasons and it’s honestly sad to see that most women specifically feel completely trapped in their lives (especially if the money comes from the husband). If it’s intergenerational wealth I can almost guarantee you it comes with all kind of strings attached and also with a lot of intergenerational trauma.

most of the people I know who are rich are fairly miserable because once you have enough money to have your own private jet etc… you pretty much lose the most important part of life which is finding new challenges to do and to outdo yourself but when you can buy everything you want, don’t ever need to work so don’t even need to be successful at work and being successful at work won’t even add anything to your life, then life becomes a lot more boring. People lose their drive and often honestly lose themselves.

they also are faced with the fact that money doesn’t really solve their issues (more people are keen to fuck a millionaire than Joe down the road, so often being cheated on is part of the parcel of being in this kind of relationships, if the dad is a dick and has money he also has a lot more power over fighting for custody if he chooses to), finding honest friendships is hard (almost impossible), health isn’t money dependent (I have worked with families with infertility issues, cancer diagnosis with poor prognosis, stillborns, one had even lost their 5yo child to a brain tumor).

Honestly, there is something about having all the money you can think of and still being miserable and unhappy and I think it’s the case for a lot of them. In fact I earn quite a lot of money now and I am often more miserable now than I was when I was struggling to make ends meet because it’s very much this daunting realization that what I thought would be life changing (not having money worries) really isn’t that life changing and if anything takes away a lot of your drive away etc…. And I really miss the time when I thought if I got to that point my life and mental health would be 100% better because then you had concrete goals to work towards to.

You realise the misery is not brought on by wealth right? This could happen to pay check dependent people too. When it happens to them, their family gets financially devastated. Hardships are a part of life, having a few million quid in the bank makes it one less thing to worry about (big thing).

I see you didn't reply to all the posts saying that you are incredibly lucky compared to many other people.

You have a partner who supports you.

You have your health

You have healthy children.

People don't see what they actually have until it's gone.

Do you want to reply to any of those posts?

OP- plenty of people have given you food for thought in this thread but you seem determined to carry on with your envy. Thats fine, do it if you want.

But if its causing you misery then it might be worth looking at why you want to keep going down a path thats full of thorns scratching you to ribbons.

The choice is yours.

One life to live OP, you can be bitter and miserable and waste it, or you can be grateful for what you have and try to improve what's in your control and make the most of the time you have.

If money is the most important thing to you, more than anything else, why didn't you marry a millionaire?

There's lots of very rich men in the UK.

THIS.

If money is all important to you, more so than anything else in life (which it seems from your posts), then you should have chased after a rich guy and married him when you had the chance. There are lots of wealthy men around, either from having great jobs or family wealth. Why on earth did you settle for a non rich guy if it was so super important to you?

Not anyone else's fault that you didnt plan your life well if this was your ultimate goal!

But I doubt they are saving anything for kids education, and they aren't building up equity in a house so it really isn't comparable.
Why do you need to save for education anyway?

Honestly? You sound so determined to wallow in your own misery that you are completely unwilling to accept that anyone with money in the bank could possibly experience the pain and sadness that life throws at us. Yes, my family member will be able to afford the best coffin, the most beautiful flowers, the shiniest hearse and the biggest gravestone in the cemetery. But, I know with 100% certainty, they would give every single penny they have if that would mean they could have their beloved partner by their side in the future. You have a loving and supportive partner, you have your children and a home. Which of those would you give up in order to have a bigger bank balance?

Edited for another typo!

Also many people become wealthy from an inheritance. To get that wealth, someone has to die.

My friends dad killed himself, and my friend inherited a lot of money.

The money didn't make him happy. He was deeply depressed after his father killed himself. My friend began doing a lot of drugs.

That is another bad thing about money. That you have no limits anymore to self destructive behaviour.

So if you do drugs and you have money, you can now buy as many drugs as you want.

I think the money was bad for my friend at tha time. As he had lost his dad and then also began to use lots and lots of drugs. He ended up in a psychiatric hospital

Are you American, @Bluesky91

I feel for you, I think it’s normal to feel like that sometimes but as other have said it’s a huge waste of energy and is robbing you of the moments of joy that undoubtedly pepper your life. When an unhelpful thought like that pops into my head I refuse to give it any energy, I immediately think of something I am grateful for, big or small (how lucky to have my health and the energy to work and look after the children, the taste of my cup of tea this morning, the noise of the rain, a cuddle with the baby..). And every evening before falling asleep I think of three micro-wins of the day (I refrained from shouting at my husband, that dish came out tasty, some achievement at work). It takes discipline but it’s worth it. You’ve got this.

Look, everyone feels jealousy and envy at times- its a completely normal emotion.

What isnt normal or healthy is wallowing in it, feeling increasingly bitter, and only focusing on rich people like Pippa Middleton. What about all the millions of people in the world that would look at your life and think "I wish I had what she had"? Do you ever think about them or is your mind only on those lucky rich people?

I dont think anyone would deny that being rich helps most situations but there are many rich people who have committed suicide or are addicted to drugs, have multiple divorces, have been abused, or have died early of cancer or other illnesses so clearly, money hasn't helped them and it cant solve every problem there is. If it could, then all rich people would live to age 100 and they'd all be ecstatic and joyful 24/7.

I agree with PP that you sound determined to be bitter and jealous so crack on, but be aware that this is the fastest road to misery there is and this is 100% to do with your mindset, not your bank balance.

we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves

Errr.... lots of people dont have cleaners - I dont, and neither do any of my friends/family and we all have kids who make a mess and have to clean it up ourselves. You are hardly unique or underprivileged to be in that position as having staff to help around the house is not most people's norm.

Many of the things you are complaining about are universal things that many of us deal with daily. Yes, it's annoying and stressful at times but they arent life threatening issues like disability, life limiting illnesses or being made homeless. Maybe focus on the things you are grateful for rather than spending precious time wishing you were Pippa bloody Middleton.

I had a bad day of envy yesterday. Not about money, about something else. I wallowed the whole day allowing myself to soak in it, and I am moving on today. What else can I do?

@Bluesky91 reading your responses, it sounds like you lack empathy for other people and are incapable of adopting a positive approach. A positive attitude, more so than hard work itself, has a huge impact on success. You lost your business during covid - is this because at the first hint of trouble you packed it all in and decided it couldn’t be saved? A lack of empathy makes you a difficult person to be around - who knows, maybe all of those super lucky people you are envious of are also generally nicer and more pleasant to be around and are therefore more likely to be given opportunities that lead to wealth and success.

Yes of course they are independent things, think the point they are making is it could be worse and to cherish what you have ( health) and it will help make you happier.
I get jealous too sometimes but focusing on positives helps a lot!
by your user name, you must be early 30s? There’s still plenty of time to earn more wealth if that’s what is bothering you.. you’re just entering the prime of your career

@Bluesky91
You are just clearly goading now.
Money doesn't make life easy.
If you wanted generational wealth, then marry into it. Make the right choices, move in the right circles, choose the right career.
I wasn't going to bite I tried giving you advice - which you've not acknowledge.
We on paper have the dream, but we don't - we have all the money in the world. But can't get pregnant. 100,000 of pounds on IVF. I've tried to kill myself multiple times, only last month the police came to my house for a welfare check because a friend was worried. So reel your fucking neck in and make choices to improve your life. All because you can't afford a cleaner and your too lazy to wash your hair and discipline you kids.
Grow
Up

OP won't come back to talk any sense or engage in any sensible conversation.

She just keeps popping up to say "but people have more money than me".

She sounds extremely immature

My way to make myself feel better about this is so watch 'Made in Chelsea', following the lives of young, privileged people who seemingly have everything and who waste their lives singing about who said what to whom, fighting with one set of friends snd making up with another. Sigh.