How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

You are (probably) in the top 1% of wealthy people in the world. You have chosen to focus your envy on the top 0.1% of people. That’s never going to end well.

You forget. Pippa authored a party planning book to help her get to where she is today.

Comparison is the thief of joy

^
Oh god this again.

So sick of this being trotted out on here. It's as if were all a bunch of bloody puritans on MN!

It's fine to be jealous, op. You're allowed.

I totally agree money doesn’t equal happiness
I could be on £60K a year now but I gave up that life after Covid and now work outdoors for much less. Me and DH live in a modest home, have modest cars and go away once a year (we used to go on expensive holidays first class) but I tell you what I’m happier. I have mental health issues and my medication is down 5 fold since changing career. So I can’t really be jealous

😂

I expected you to say your kids were under ten. Twins doing their GCSE should frankly know better. The not tidying up after themselves is a parenting issue, if you have a dishwasher they should be using it, they should be capable of hoovering and cleaning their own rooms at the very least. Do you work full time? I really don't see how you don't have time to wash your own hair, literally take 5 minutes to have a shower. Starting a business is always a risk and it's a shame that covid affected your negatively.

Jealousy will get you nowhere. Perhaps start doing some mindfulness and start your day with positive affirmations. If you are suffering perhaps see your GP.

Most people are similar I think .It is irrelevant if you have been to Uni or not. I have a Cousin ,who is very glamourous wealthy and well travelled .She is very kind too .Its hard not to be envious sometimes ,but she has no children or dogs and has worked FT. I think there is more coverage of people like Pippa Middleton and people who have "worked hard"(havent we all)! Self made millilonaires Rather than swathes of people at food banks ,Poorer pensioners and single parents .I also think a car ,home and food to buy

Well when your friends on benefits with more disposable income than you right now reach 68, they'll get £10,800 per annum. You will get that and an occupational pension.

You also have e the satisfaction of knowing that you are independent and probably put in as much or more than you take out. That's something to be proud of.

You are also instilling into your children a good work ethic.

We are very comfortable, and probably moderately wealthy. If I look up I see people with several houses, yachts and private jets. Good luck to them I say.

Can you be thankful for the things you have: healthy children, a comfortable home, happiness. Even the things around you: a blue sky, a blooming rose, the soft warmth of a loving cat, a spritz of perfume?

I buried a little baby in 1997. People see my beautiful home, reasonable clothes, lovely grown up DC, sometimes have a pop at my career and the hours I work (I like work - it fills a void made in 1997), I can't actually think of what to spend my salary on because there's nothing I want or need.

Be glad for what you have op - even the shit bits - which we all deal with.

And FFS get yourself some nice shower gel and spend 6 minutes having a shower, feeling the jets of hot water around you and let some of the days stress put down the plughole.

Be jealous. Makes no difference to your life or theirs. Worrying about being jealous is a real waste of time. If you can't fight it, just lean into it.

That sounds hard OP.

Are you a little depressed do you think?

Take inspiration from them and be grateful for what you have. I find J.K Rowling is a good example as her successes have arisen directly from her failures. Be the best you can be, make smart decisions and focus on the longterm instead of the shortterm. Health is wealth aswell. For example; there's no use living in a mansion with billions in the bank and you live each day in pain.

Thanks to the poster who linked to the percentage calculator
I do lots of counting my blessings but it is hard not to wonder if we have made the right decisions in the way we have lived our life. especially when we see people apparently floating through life- one person I know whose biggest problem seems to be which shade to get the decorators to use for the weekend bolthole - away from the main house which is already a country pile three times the size of mine/ while they are away on their third holiday abroad this year.

Focus your energy on getting your DC to do more in the house, your DH too.

Every coin has two sides....

I don't get this at all. The one thing I do find a bit frustrating is when someone who loses a parent is lucky enough to get an inheritance, but then kicks off if anyone mentions it, or says 'how dare you! Of course I'd rather have the loved one than the money!' if anyone references their inheritance.

Well yeah, obviously, but many of us have to lose parents and then get plunged into debt because of it or don't have a paid-off house to cry in. It just comes across as very naive. It's okay to acknowledge that if your parents die and you get money you are lucky to have the money.

But otherwise, nah. If you have time to sit here reading MN in a safe country with a roof over your head and enough food in the fridge you're already rich.

I’m not sure it’s helpful to combat jealousy by imagining the focus of that is secretly miserable

Exactly. While it's true that the very wealthy also suffer hardships, not having to worry about money while in the midst of it is still a benefit. Accept that truth and just get over it.

Jealousy is normal and most of us have experienced it ( though we're ashamed and embarrassed to admit it). The key is to not allow yourself to be consumed by it.

So allow yourself to wallow in self-pity for a minute then take some action to make your situation a little easier. Start with assigning housework chores to everyone that lives in the house; you are not the only one capable of cleaning. Free up some time for yourself, you don't have to be a martyr!

This is good advice. If you don't even have time to shower, time for others to step up. You can't pour from an empty cup.
GCSEs will pass. This too shall pass.

@Bluesky91 Pippa Middleton's parents didn't come from wealth though. They made it themselves by being entrepreneurs.....

If you and your DH makes it the same way, your DC will be like Pipla Middleton ...

Envy her parents skill and courage. Not her

I think having low level jealousy is normal but it shouldn't occupy your thoughts or make you feel bad about your own circumstances.

I never imagined myself being incredibly wealthy, so I wouldn't compare myself to something I know I won't ever get. To me 2 parents working, having little savings is normal and to be expected. I feel lucky that I am married to a great man, that we see both able to hold down jobs, that we've been able to buy a house. But also that we live in in safe country, with a (admittedly a bit fucked up) healthcare system. You only have to look briefly at the news to see many people in this world are in significantly worse positions than most in the UK. Or to be honest walk down the street in any city.

So it's okay to be a bit envious, of course we'd all love to win the lottery or find a distant relative has left a massive inheritance, but its not good to dwell. Your life could be a lot worse

What are they measuring income on? It says I’m 6.2x richer than the average but that would be £1k per month and no household can run on that? Do they take housing benefit etc into account??

meant to quote @noroboro

It’s normal OP. Everyone has their own shit though. I wouldn’t swap.

It's ok to feel pissed off sometimes. It's bonkers that we are all meant to feel grateful and blessed all the time.
Sometimes life can feel a bit shit.

It also annoys me/ makes me jealous.

I think it's the feeling of working very hard, relentlessly, but then feeling like there isn't a huge amount to show for it (yes, lucky to have basic security as not everyone does), and it feels impossible to extend yourself further to get further. People always respond about others who are worse off, but it isn't a race to the bottom.

It would have been easier to marry a rich (or comfortable) man, rather than slave away at uni etc.

If you see money as the goal, the best possible thing, then it's easy to be jealous.
I see very rich relatives and their friends living in gorgeous building but depressed as anything because they are alone, their life has no meaning, members of the opposite sex are after their money, they mix in very shallow circles and consequently.worry about stupid things.
If you can find what really.makes you happy, what you will be thinking about on your deathbed, it won't be money. Pursue that.
For me it is being with my dogs in a sunny garden, reading a book. Cuddling my kids. The people I love being healthy. In the end a car is a car, a house is a house, if they do the job, they don't need to be fancy, clothes are clothes. Maybe doing something that feeds your spirit would be good OP?

OP, don't you think that's a weird attitude to start off with. I don't understand your mind set. You taint your own life.

You can be all bitter and twisted up about someone else having more than you, or you can get on with enjoying the life you do have - a relatively affluent life with a husband and children, and a good job and your own home.

I come from a FSM background. I'm a single mum of one DS. I have a reasonable job and a tatty house. No partner. I'm recovering from BC.

And I love ❤every part of every day. I am grateful to be here, to be well and see ds grow up. He hit 5'10" today. A milestone. I had a new kitchen tap fitted this morning - I'm enjoying the fact that the plumbing works properly again. I saw two hares and some muntjac on the school run this afternoon. Beautiful.

I don't have half what you do, but life is sweet. Who gives a toss what others have. It's totally irrelevant.