How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

Comparison is the thief of happiness.

For example if you earned £50k a year and everyone in your social circle earned £25k then you would feel happy.

However if you earned £50k a year and everyone in your social circle earned £100k a year you would feel less happy.

The problem with social media is that you no longer compare your situation to your immediate social circle but to much wider and wealthier individuals such as Pippa Middleton who 30 years ago you would have had no knowledge of her lifestyle or even who she was.

I do hear you even though I try not to fall into the "compare and despair" trap.

One friend of mine was given a London flat by her parents which she now rents out and lives off the income. She married a millionaire and they have a mortgage free house in London. He works but she hasn't worked for years and goes on holiday, on nights out, does yoga, lives an extremely lavish and fun lifestyle. Above all she gets to spend loads of time wjth her kids, both of whom are at private school.

DH and I both work 50 hours a week, live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford much of what we want. On my 2x commuting days I often don't even see my kids.

I feel ashamed of myself saying it but it's very hard to be her friend sometimes. She lives in a bubble of privilege and comes out with such tone deaf comments sometimes. For example she once said to me that playing the lottery was "a tax on stupid people". I didn't know how to explain to her that a £2 lottery ticket once a week gives me a few moments of pleasurable fantasy where I imagine a better life for myself. A life like hers!

Geez, all these people moaning about their millionaire friends or people on social media who married into wealth. Why didnt you marry some rich old dude with a heart condition then if thats so important?

People living on benefits are vulnerable to changes in the benefits system - whatever government we have is going to have to start reducing the overall benefit bill as the UK can't afford it. So in the medium to long term they are vulnerable.

Women with a high earning partner/ spouse who earn little to nothing themselves are very financially vulnerable if the relationship ends.

For yourself - you started a business with (I assume) hopes of making a higher income but must have been aware that most businesses fail. Personally I never want to own a business of be self-employed as the financial risk is much higher.

Exactly it's abit thick and childish keep on about money when people are battling illness and disability everyday.

To alot of the world who live in poverty we are well off too, just having a room over your head is alot. Try living under railway Bridge or in a shop doorway jeez.

She is dead right and your probably never win.

Ugh man… can’t afford a cleaner.. Someone who is working for a lot less than you I expect.

Suck it up, and grow up.

I get what you mean OP. We were taught as kids to work hard, get good grades, get a good job and then you will have a good life. It’s crap when you do all that and you don’t have a comfortable life, yet others have it through circumstance and don’t appear to have made the sacrifices you have.
i guess you don’t always know everyone’s situations or the quality of life they have. Just try to do your best each day and if you are worried about money go through all your bank statements and see if you could make any changes (I know you probably already have - you sound like you are doing everything you can ❤️)

Yes, the irony lol, whining because you cant afford a cleaner when cleaners earn very little money themselves - so it's ok for others to do low paid jobs, just not you eh? 🙄

This isnt jealous as such but more upset. we do some sub contracting work for a company and yes obviously we aren't held with a gun to our head but they treat us badly in terms of pay and when they do pay they make deductions for no reason... stop you a week before payday and say they won't pay you for 60 days. We're in a position where we are struggling to pay the bills they are off on their 3rd holiday of the year... they are often in new York or going on trips whilst they don't pay us our money on their many terms and conditions. Don't work for them you'll all say , work for someone else... it's not that simple and these ppl know it that's why they take advantage. Building up their own wealth and making you poorer in the process. I'm not upset if they are rich. Their money is not my concern I'm just thinking just pay me what I'm owed in a timely and fair way so I can pay my bills!

You’ve basically described the majority of people in this country. To have Pippa’s wealth is rare. Most people have mortgages and do their own cleaning.

@Bluesky91 , you're being rather passive about this. It sounds like your DH needs to pull his weight a bit more, maybe he needs to change his job so that he is more of a team player.

Do you live in an expensive area of the country? If so, your housing situation could be improved by moving area.

You seem really lacking in awareness of what other people may be dealing with. Also very focused on your business failing. Of course that is really disappointing, but most businesses do fail. It was a gamble that didn't pay off.

What can you do to make your life better? What can DH do to make your lives better?

It needs to be said on here time and again caring needs to all of us with elderly relatives come to all of us whether we like it or not , it just doesn't pay to not
think about it. It will come.
Whether it's a parent or an elderly aunt or uncle or even a sibling ,it will happen.

@spacehoppercommuter

"Yes, the irony lol, whining because you cant afford a cleaner when cleaners earn very little money themselves - so it's ok for others to do low paid jobs, just not you eh? 🙄"

To be fair this is pretty typical MN post.

My favourite is "we need to increase taxes on the rich" - question "define who are the rich " answer "anyone earning 25% more than me but definitely not me".

Yes! very true 😆

We live in a world with a lot of variables.

I have at times got jealous of people who have more money than me.

But the jealousy that used to eat me up the most, was that other people had a dad and I didn't have one at all. He walked away completely when I was 5.

The jealousy and unfairness of it used to eat me up.

Then I realised that I have to try to accept is. As the jealousy would kill me. That I can still achieve things in this world

Well I envy you op, I would love to have had a mortgage rather then renting and paying someone else's for the last 28 years. I work full time plus an extra job of two long evenings a week but can't get on the property ladder and very unrealistic now at age 49!

OP can't seem to have empathy for other people

You're talking about feeling hard done by because you don't have a cleaner or one of the 4x4's your mum friends has. It's hard to empathise with that to be honest. I have neither of things out of choice because I see both as a waste of money. It doesn't mean I'm poor.

Oh ok, thanks for that @PassingStranger

You've made me see the error of my ways 🙄