How to not get jealous of luckily wealthy people?

[Bluesky91]

I’m not taking about self made people, it’s about people who do nothing, but somehow everything gets handed to them on a platter. Wealthy parents and then a wealthy husband. Example: Pippa Middleton

Im really struggling to cope with my own life. We have a mortgage, and need to save for retirement and kids education, so we need 2 incomes. Cost of living shot up, so our money doesn’t go far. We saved some money and started a business, covid came and we lost it all.
we cannot afford a cleaner right now and DH works long hours. So everything is on me. Kids are at that age, where they are constantly messing up and not tidying up after themselves.

I don't feel envous of those more financially wealthy than me.
I feel envious of those who are healthier.

I have a genetic illness which will mean I'm lucky to make it to middle age. I still have the same pressures as everyone else, full time work, family etc - with the added pressure of time ticking away and constantly feeling unwell. I can only work from home so I have limited job options plus i am off work often for medical appointments

I haven't felt well for about 20 years. So no, i'm not jealous of people with a mansion, im envious of people my age going abroad on holidays

I'm trying hard not to be jealous of those 'luckily wealthy ' people but it is definitely difficult. I am well aware that I'm more fortunate than many, but it can still be tough when others have it better just by chance.
The reason I'm trying so hard not to be jealous though, is simply that I want to BE one of them. I'd like good fortune to come my way effortlessly when everything feels like a daily slog.
I will keep plodding on but I'm never losing hope!

I was born into a rich family and i didn't do well at my RG university or marry rich but still fell on my feet as my husband's mother allowed us to live in her home rent free for three years so we bought our flat in London relatively easily in our 20s even though we weren't on great incomes at that time. My dad also offered to buy a home we could live in rent free while we saved in London (though we had saved enough money by that time). So in a sense, no real money problems; we did struggle a bit when we first married as DH was still doing his masters but that was only for a year and we were young so it seemed very romantic.

We are TTC now and facing issues and it could be that while we have a higher income/more stability than many parents in London, we just may not have children and thats life.

I'm Jealous. Wish I wasn't like this but I am for example the wealth of the Beckhams just drowns me with Depression when I'm looking for every single penny I can find and it just makes my life more miserable when I think of the Beckhams etc wealth.

I just place them in a different category. It's like saying, how do you not get jealous of Hollywood A-listers? They are so far removed from my life and experience that there's no possibility I could ever have been one, ergo, not worth letting my imagination go near that possibility.

My life is shit too, but not relentlessly. I try to focus on the good bits and try and accept the shit bits as temporary, albeit long lasting and annoyingly persistent, obstacles

from my experience a lot of money comes with strings attached. My dad offered to buy us a house we could live in rent free but he wanted a house that would be a 'good investment' and in an area that was ripe for gentrification. Most mumsnetters would not necessarily want to live in such a place and neither did we (which is why we didn't accept the help and bought with our savings).

A lot of those people who have money from parents, you don't necessarily see what their parents wanted from them in exchange for the money. Most rich people do not like to give away money with no strings attached, they probably wouldn't stay rich for very long if they were in a habit of doing that.

I worked in HC when I was a teenager and in my 20’s. Travelled the world too. I realised early on the best gift you can have is to be positive and content. Many rich people are just as miserable as their poorer counterparts. It’s just a different kind of misery.

You and only you are in control of how you live your one life on this earth.

Things do get easier financially for most people. Children become independent, mortgages get paid off. The only downside is that you are old and don't care or your health is shot and you really don't care. Make the most of what you have.

You can get a t̶i̶n̶y̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶ smug when you have a proper pension you earned and the SAHM mothers don't. Proof you mattered? But obviously you don't rub it in..😀

Have you watched Succession?

How could you go on first class holidays with £60k salary? Is that per month !!?

Most SAHMs I know have a better pension than I have. It’s money earned/saved by someone else!

Whats HC?

Added that to my OH - not solo.

There’s always someone richer OP and in all honesty you have no idea of what’s going on under the surface with all these people.

My experience of those who come from wealthy backgrounds is that there is usually so much pressure to be successful. Certainly as successful as their parents and if they don’t, they consider themselves to be failures and if they do, it is assumed to be because their parents have helped them out and it’s never on their own merit.

People with lots of money still have worries and fears like the rest of us. Similar to how you have a mortgage and are living paycheck to paycheck but would be considered very fortunate by those who have to rely on food banks and will never own their own home.

I can't see why I'd aspire to be someone who lives off someone else and has not accomplished anything noteworthy.

@Bluesky91 so sorry about your business COVID ruined so much! We are both really busy with work at the moment and don't have a cleaner.

Honestly we have just taken to surviving most weeks and gutting the house once a month. It helps it's a building site hence no cleaner!

Could one of the teenagers help after GCSE in exchange for a few lifts or a little bit of extra pocket money?

But you're not bothered by people who are naturally beautiful, OP? Maybe because you're beautiful yourself, but I do think life is easier for people who are beautiful and not neurodivergent.

The rest of us just have to be glad we have a mortgage and aren't renting and we can afford to buy our DC wheat they need.

Most people don't have a cleaner, even if they worked really hard at school and uni.

My cousin once said to me 'you've lucked out haven't you'. As I had met and married at 40 to a well paid man and had two children easily.
Except I developed type 1 diabetes in my first pregnancy and seven years later my husband died suddenly. And my DD was diagnosed with MS at 17.
On the outside people and families may looked blessed, and maybe some are. But you never really know.
I wouldn't want to be Pippa Middleton with all that public scrutiny.

Healthcare

I'm mostly sanguine, shrug at the success of others, keep expectations modest. If we exceed, that's brilliant.

However, there's one local trustafarian family who I wallow in their misfortune (they took the piss over a favour years ago). Honestly, if I can stick the knife in and twist it just a little, we love it. Because I'm so lovely to everyone else, it's allowable.

I think it's going to be important for the next generation to point out the real backing behind creative careers, internships, nepobaby work experience. It's really damaging to pretend it's all hard work and making your own sandwiches. So we use the local trustafarian family to highlight to our kids and their friends and talk about how you can work around it for a goal.

Exactly think of what you have, not what you've haven't.
Money does not buy health and happiness either.

Money does not buy health and happiness either

No, but it does make illness and sadness easier!

I understand the sentiment, but it's also important to acknowledge the truth: wealth is a huge advantage. While it won't insulate you from all hardship, it's easier to cope with anything when you don't have to worry about money as well.

Life is unfair and some people definitely have advantages. It's ok to resent it, to have occasional jealousy, as long as you don't get consumed by it.

I’m one of those mums who lives in a council house and does the odd bit of work here and there (not cash in hand, it’s all declared but I don’t earn enough to pay any tax). Probably looks like I’m living the dream, hanging out with my dog and not having to get up for work in the morning.

In reality, I would LOVE to be working full time. I can’t because I have a chronic health condition, which makes every day a painful struggle. I have 2 DC with SEN who I’m the sole carer for, and that brings more stress and meetings/paperwork than you can ever imagine. I’m really depressed and really don’t get much joy out of life at all. I also have no pension and I’m scared shitless about my future.

But you wouldn’t know any of that just by seeing my social media posts, you’d think I have a charmed life. There’s always more to things than meets the eye.