Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

It's not a gut instinct she hasn't had contact with him it's prejudice and no different to how women were treated if they dared to go out at night

wouldn't trust a man who put himself near young children for work.

If that man was your son, would you feel differently? Imagine a male that you loved ,chose a career or job like that, would you stop trusting them immediately? Genuinely asking.

Repeating this from @YellowCloud because it’s the only thing that’s relevant here.

The rights of women and girls to choose who sees and touches their bodies is actually more important than mens’ feelings.

Took the words right out of my mouth there! Thank you! 🙄

You think she needs more bodily privacy from a man because he’s more likely to take a sexual interest in her body. Ergo…

Yanbu, it's fucking weird. Don't let any of the crap parenting advice on here make your think you're the problem. Remove your daughter from the nursery immediately.

My primary school aged child has SEN and needs changing regularly. His male TA will definitely be touching his private areas, and as he grows and develops I feel this is more appropriate for him than a female.

Jesus fucking christ. No it’s not a “good point”. Sex offenders and paedophiles are overwhelmingly male. There is no correlation between being a lesbian and being a paedophile. So no it’s not a “good point” that OP should check if the nursery workers are lesbians. The discourse on this thread is insane.

I know you didn't quote me but yes I would. Every wrongen has a mum and is therefore technically someones son. I'd be wondering why he'd picked this role.

And move her where? Men can be employed in ANY nursery at ANY point....

The same reasons why some women pick the role?

Being DBS checked does not mean you are not a predator or a threat to a child - it just means you haven’t been caught yet.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. My DD was terrified of men as a baby (we fled DV)

What about Vanessa George.

There are many fantastic male nursery workers. Assuming they are weird is awful.

It's silly to juxtapose an adult woman/older girl preferring a female caregiver to that of a baby or toddler being looked after.

Babies simply don't understand or care about the concept of dignity in any meaningful way like an adult does. If they did, imagine how permanently traumatised and deeply embarrassed they would be during their first two or three years, being fully conscious of the considered knowledge that they were sitting there crapping their pants all day and night, and having to have somebody - whether of their own sex or the opposite one - clean them up for a couple of hours until they just went ahead and did the same thing again.

Similarly with reins: I would find it an immense indignity, mortifying and infuriating if somebody now slipped some over my head and made sure that I couldn't go more than two or three feet away from them on my own. However, when I was two and I couldn't be trusted not to try to run in front of cars? I'm very grateful to my parents for doing that.

Surely we're not going to be disingenuous enough to pretend that we think very young children are the same as adults in all ways - practicalities and emotions? Just for starters, if they were the same as almost all healthy, able-bodied and non-vulnerable adults, this would all be moot as they wouldn't need somebody caring for them 24/7 in the first place.

😂😂😂 This! I don’t get the lesbian correlation people are trying to make here. A person’s sexuality has no bearing on their likelihood of being a sex offender. Wanna know what does? Being male.

Would you wonder why a daughter picked what was considered a traditionally male role🤦‍♀️

How would you stop it?

It’s not weird. As I said up thread some of the best staff I’ve worked with have been male.
It’s only weird if you think nappy changing is sexual, which it isn’t, at all. Unless of course you’re a peadophile but direly we are not suggesting that all men are peadophiles?
Most people work in nurseries as they enjoy working with children, nappy changing is a small but unfortunate part of the job but is really not a big deal at all.
I would be more concerned if the nursery has a nappy changing area that is not in the view of other staff.

Yep I'd keep moving her then. It's simply not good enough to take the risk based on the fact the next place she's in might also hire a man at some point. The naivety of some people on here is truly enraging. It is not normal for a man to want to do this job.

Would you expect them to tell you if your had a boy and a woman was changing his nappy.
Sorry but you are being unreasonable.

My husband works with children. He has intentionally never worked in early years (nursery or reception) even when offered due to not wanting to do personal care.

I think most men would not choose this. This is in fact proven by the fact most men do not choose this.

This doesn’t mean that any man who does choose to work with very young children is a paedophile. But parents SHOULD and DO have a right to decide who performs personal care on their child.

Why is it not normal for a man to want to do this job?