Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

If I had a female child, I wouldn't leave her with any male unsupervised except her own father.

I've heard too many stories about grandparents, older cousins and uncles abusing young girls.

Trust no one.

I would leave the child alone with her father, but I would also watch carefully for any signs of abuse there too.

I do hope you get some therapy regarding your fear of men, and your distrust of your own family.

You may as well tell them you think they're all peadophiles and that you're reporting them to the police.

How disgusting.

while you're here, at the next nursery will you be checking for people of different religions?

but only report them to female police officers!

Quite!

I do understand there are risks, but I do think MN in particular has become some sort of man-hating pit!

oh, so I'm the small minded person on this thread?

@Carly944 You literally don't trust your own husband with his child? That's both devastating and insulting, and I agree with @Carly944; you need some support dealing with this.
I trust my husband with my life (and his daughter's).

it's a cesspool :(

Also, @Carly944 , why did you marry a man who you suspect of being a peadophile?

oh, so I'm the small minded person on this thread?

@Snidpan

You said it. The racism dripping from your posts is clear for all to see.

Youre ridiculous. And you're extremely naive.

Im realistic.

I' didnt say anything about my family. Im not talking about my own family at all.

I'm talking about my female friends. I've a lot of female friends from school, college and from various workplaces.

So many of these women have talked to me about being sexually abused by their:

Uncle
Grandfather
Male babysitter
Older male cousin.
Stepfather .

I've heard enough stories to know what goes on

Irrespective of my own personal views on this.
The Department of Education do not agree with you and as such the nursery cannot abide by this request.

Men are much more likely to sexually abuse children. We know this. Why are you trying to muddy the water?

And then you have said you will not leave your daughter with anyone other than her father, and even then monitor for abuse.

Yes, people do, unfortunately, get abused. But thankfully, they are in the minority. Most people are not abused by family members.

I was assaulted at school, by a male three years above me. It haunts me to this day. It does not mean that I suspect all men of being the same.

Please, get some therapy.

I do believe that men in certain roles is important, this is definitely true in slightly older kids as role models.

I don't think any kid in normal range nappy wearing gets any positive reinforcement from having a bloke do it.

I do not think that all men or most men or even many men are a danger to kids. I think people should have the right to choose who handles intimate or personal care because for whatever reason, be it religious, be it self perceived dignity, even if it's a mild preference, doesn't matter.

In my mum's care home they have male and female staff, you can't fully opt out of men giving some care but you can specify that personal care, getting changed, going to the toilet or washing is done only by women. They make it clear that this choice might leave you waiting sometimes but it's correct they accommodate such requests

Sorry can people ever read on here.

I said "if I had a female child".

Right. Go back and read. It was a theoretical child and a theoretical husband.

I'm not married and I don't have children.

The department of education has said that it is OK to ignore someone explicitly saying don't touch my genitals?

Hardly. You accused me of lying. That's a personal attack. I'm not going to report it, partly because I reported a lot of posts yesterday which have been deleted and partly because I really am happy to let other people see that you seem to believe that accusing others of making things up is OK. Let others see your posting behaviour for what it is.

So then you have absolutely no right to comment?

Your post is completely idiotic.

If I have a child, I won't leave her unsupervised With any male except her father.

That's my choice , is it not.

I know other women that have made the same choice.

Sorry ,I don't need therapy. I'm realistic. There are a huge amount of male abusers out there.

Sorry. Why exactly?

There are plenty of people on this forum that don't have children.

And probably on this thread

If he's offended by facts then he needs to get over himself. It's absolutely true that something like 98% of violent and sexual crimes are committed by men. Of course 'not all men' but nevertheless it is men who present the most risk and we don't know who they are by looking which is why we have developed safeguarding measures over the years following crimes that happened because risks were not assessed properly. People who are offended by being checked out need to get over themselves. I've not committed any crimes, I still have no objection to DBS requirements.

Carly, I think you need to go get some help, and then stand down from your soapbox

But that's not what OP is asking.

OP is asking for sex based discrimination to happen