Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

Oh deary me. I am off. To answer the question that keeps coming up, her father changes her nappy yes. Her brothers see her walking around the house yes. I don’t feel comfortable with a man who is not known to me changing her nappy. It is helpful To know the common view which is that most parents are comfortable with this. I feel that the nursery manager should be more accepting of women wanting the rights they’re afforded to be extended to their daughters but if this isn’t a thing it isn’t a thing. I am a huge supporter of men doing caring roles, but I just think parents should be able to be told in advance that men might be handling intimate care. All the best.!

@Chocochoo an adult can request a female doctor because they are an adult. The peeing a bush example was showimg that society has different expectations of whatvwould be considered private behaviour in adults vs children.

On that note why is ok for male children to be changed by women then?

Why is it different to you changing a boy though?

I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. I'd be concerned TBH. Follow your gut instinct.

utter nonsense.
The best nursery workers I’ve worked with have all been male.

Yeah, being raped as a child does tend to make one not very sane. So I'll have to hold my hands up to that one.

Perhaps it has warped my views. I wouldn't trust a man who put himself near young children for work. The man who raped me was a 'gentle soul who wouldn't hurt a fly and loved all the children'.

I still maintain that I don't know any decent man who would put himself in that position. They seem to instinctually avoid being around young children who aren't their own in vulnerable situations.

@ExtraOnions Whilst I remain respectful, I find it hard to get my head around any religion/world view in which men can marry as many wives as they chose, but women must remain virgins until marriage and then subsequently stay faithful.
But if I've got that understanding wrong then I'm happy to be corrected.

Look how many females have injured/killed kids in nurseries

Females.

Some people might have an issue with a woman changing their son, which would be fine. However not many would share this view because women are FAR less likely to be sex offenders.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to request only females to change her nappy - though this may of course mean she has to wait longer. However, I also don't think that the nursery have any kind of duty to tell you in advance if they employ a male member of staff. It's on you to tell them your religious/cultural needs (I think wrapping it up in the whole "purity" thing is what has riled quite a few people) and for them to say if they can meet those. They probably felt like you were accusing them of something inappropriate. This could have been avoided with better communication earlier on.

Nope. Exercising the right to choose over your own body (or on behalf of your child) is not discriminatory.

Same way that woman refusing care from a male midwife is not “discriminatory to an employee”.

The rights of women and girls to choose who sees and touches their bodies is actually more important than mens’ feelings.

@CountingCrones 😂 it's really not that deep! Get over yourself
😂 😂

@Foggyfield Male primary teachers a "no-no"?

Because in a nursery setting like most jobs have both genders

if she want female only she should get a nanny

most women that request female only have had trauma in the past

this is religion only from what has been written by the op and doesn’t add up because most religions have come into the 21st century now

my other point is if you wait on the female doc and can’t see her for say a month and find out if you’d seen the male doc you wouldn’t have to get evasive surgery because you waited baring trauma like I said and they’d know this as it would be stated on your notes.

YABU and totally ridiculous.

Not everyone thinks like you.

I suggest you employ a private nanny you can vet and monitor if modern day nurseries aren't for you.

Sadly one of the biggest uk child abusers was a woman who worked in a nursery ( Little Teds) and the parents thought she was great. The male will be DBS checked and strict measures are in place to ensure the health and safety of your little one are taken into consideration. I've worked in care and all genders are assessed not on gender but on their merits as to whether they can carry out their job roles in a safe, professional manner. 🤷‍♀️

Good point

Statistically it's more likely your child will be harmed by your husband or family though!

Male primary teachers aren’t touching children’s genitals.