Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

I’m not outraged. I prefer to keep my daughter’s vagina hidden from men besides medical professionals or her parents until she is old enough to make her own decisions.

The issue is they can’t advertise jobs as being for females only. So any nursery you use could hire men.

When you send your child to nursery you put your trust in the management that they will assign suitable staff to care for your child. You don't get a say in which adults do what care.

What religion is this? Because most religions that I can think of that impose these rules do not apply them to children for obvious reasons (child care needs, children cant be expected to not touch each other during play etc). It’s only after puberty that such restrictions are imposed.

If you’re Jewish and concerned about this, consult your Rabbi. If you don’t have a Rabbi then you’re not religious enough for this to be a reason to have a problem with this. otherwise if you have other reasons to be worried then speak to the nursery about the process they followed to vet/clear this man.

It’s an interesting one isn’t it. I have a right to ask for a female GP and/or a chaperone without it being even remotely controversial. Yet OP’s toddler is not afforded the same rights (or the OP isn’t on her behalf) and everyone on here is giving her a hard time for questioning it. Why is it different?

Hah, imagine a male customer or service user complaining they hadn't been told a woman had joined the team, implied she might be dangerous and didn't want her services, purely based on her gender.

What religion advocates this?

your being unreasonable as he’s a care giver professional.

you wouldn’t bat an eye if it was a female

if your thinking abuse it’s more likely to come from someone she knows sadly.

Oh don't be so ridiculous.

A nursery is not generally a single sex setting. Men are entitled to work there so long as they have passed appropriate checks like all other nursery workers.

And I'm sorry but your religion is of little relevance here. If it matters that much to you then you should have made clear at the time of taking up your place. L

Good point!

Not necessarily likely to be a paedophile but much more likely to be a paedophile than a women.

If you made the nursery aware of this religious requirement when you enrolled then YANBU. If however you've only now declared it then YABU. They're not mind readers. Anyone should know nursery staff can be any sex. So unless you stated a male caring for your daughters personal needs was an issue AND the nursery confirmed this wasn't a problem for them, then you can't have a problem with it.

The two male nursery workers i've come across were some of the best. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

YABU

This

Yanbu.

Not all pitbulls kill children, but enough do that I wouldn't want one near my dc.

No sane or decent man would put himself in a position where he is cleaning children's genitals. And yes, it is different for a woman to do it. And we all know why.

It doesn't align with your religious beliefs so you must use a service which does.

Many thanks all. It’s a learning experience for me as it’s my first time using nurseries in the UK.

Sure you can but you’ll wait on that female doc and if serious would you wait baring trauma from past experiences.

this is down to religion from what the op has written

Years a go I started at a nursery the same time as a male member of staff. He was young, enthusiastic, and brilliant with the children.

He lasted 8 months before he was driven out due to people's weird views about a male nursery nurse. It's a shame, he was brilliant with the children and a fantastic member of staff. He left childcare altogether.

So yabu. The staff member will go through the same checks as everyone else. And generally as nursery staff we have a buddy system to protect ourselves as much as the children.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this either OP

Just an FYI before embarrassing yourself further OP, have a read up on the difference between a vulva and vagina! Vulva and urethral area is NOT the vagina.

I wouldn't like it either and it wouldn't be happening. I couldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks

@CJ0374 im not remotely embarrassed. Thanks for your input though.

Exactly this. Imagine if you requested a female nurse for a smear test and were told ‘why, are you assuming all male doctors are pervs? Don’t be so ridiculous’