Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

@Abeona no response to your misinterpretation of what I actually said?

I'm fully aware of what you are attempting to do thanks. The analogy is still a feeble one, the only comparison is that they both have penises, which seems to be the sole objection in a nutshell on this thread.

That would be because people with penises commit 96-98% of sexual crimes in this country and worldwide. Also because people with penises appear, according to research, to be very much more interested in paedophilia than people without penises.

When I write that 96-98% of sexual crimes are committed by men and that is why we have safeguarding for women and girls, do you read 'All men are rapists and paedophiles'? Why would that be? What happened to your critical thinking skills? Think about this. It's important.

I totally agree with you OP. It is different with little girls as there are more intimate places that sometimes need to be cleaned and I don't feel it's appropriate for a strange man to be doing this.
I also don't know any man who would be comfortable changing any little girl that isn't his own daughter.
I'm pretty open-minded with most things but statistics show that paedophiles are predominantly men so yes there is a difference with women changing boys nappies!
I absolutely do not automatically presume all men are perverts by the way, I have 2 sons and an amazing husband but why even put your child in potential harms way??
Also 'appropriate checks' mean very little sadly. On a way too regular basis there are stories of teachers being arrested for having indecent content on their computers or having sex with underage boys and girls!
It's scary how many people would rather be PC than protect their children.

I've quoted what you said.

Trainee gynaecologists are now 80-90% female so future generations of women won’t have this issue :)

Most of those stats apply to family members, in the cases of childhood abuse. You know the ones that won't be working in a supervised environment and subject to strict safeguarding policies.

And I say again - why do you think people being aware of the statistically much higher risk to children from men than from women is sexualising them? Is it sexualising animals to be aware that there are men who commit bestiality? How is it sexualising anyone to acknowledge that there are men who commit rape and have preferred victims?

I see you only quoted part of what I said
stop twisting my words

You and many other parents are stating that in a child care setting that ALL men are paedophiles hence he would get off on it so you in your minds are sexualising a child by association because of your thinking.

so men can’t work in care giving jobs by your logic that all men will abuse

*I’ll state again for the cheap seats you as a PARENT are sexualising children by stating that ALL men are paedophiles when they do a nappy change.

access to children yup to abuse is again done by your husband father, grandfather statically.*

@Sevenwondersofthewoo where have I said that all men are paedophilles?! You are making up total nonsense

I quoted the statistic that 1 in 35 men have a sexual interest in children, so it's obvious to anyone with a brain that children are at higher risk when men start working nurserys.

Abuse carried out by family members is not accounting for the millions of men who access child pornography online. That is a crime too.

Yeah it is depressing that 1 in 35 men are paedophiles according to U.K. government estimates (and that’s a conservative estimate). And they WILL seek out jobs which get them access to children. So safeguards must be put in place when the risk is undeniably high. Yes that’s depressing…. even though that’s not what you meant!

Want to read back the thread many have said that

You and many other parents are stating that in a child care setting that ALL men are paedophiles hence he would get off on it so you in your minds are sexualising a child by association because of your thinking.

@Sevenwondersofthewoo being aware of the risk is not 'sexualising children'. What planet are you on.

I did not say anything about paedophiles. You said I'd made stuff up. That was untrue and you're refusing to acknowledge that

@FirstTimeMummyHK should check their safeguarding practices (do staff carry phones? is intimate care carried out unobserved?). Both men and women can commit CSA and both sexes can be victims.

Yes, most pædophiles are male and males carry out 98% of sex crime. But with the right safeguards, the risk was zero before, and it's still zero.

Want to read back the thread many have said that

@Sevenwondersofthewoo Nobody has said that. Care to quote a few posts where someone has said that all men are paedophiles?

If they don't do intimate care, that's one thing, but all the What About The Menz posters seem to want unfettered access. Which is exactly what paedophiles aim for. And DBS checks mean jack shit. All they show is convictions. Given how few men are even arrested, let alone tried and convicted, of sexual assault, these checks aren't the proof some posters seem to think they are.

Why is the apparent desire of men to work in this one, ill-paid area, so much more important than reducing the risk they as a class present to children? It's all about their hypothetical feels, and slating women for saying No, as usual.

subject to strict safeguarding policies.

Would those be the strict safeguarding policies that sadly failed to stop this male nursery worker from sexually abusing children in the nursery where he worked? McCarthy indecently assaulted, touched or handled the children inappropriately, sometimes while others were in the room.

https://www.itv.com/news/westcountry/2021-07-23/nursery-worker-who-abused-toddlers-jailed-for-145-years

The problem with abusers is that you don't know they're abusers till they're caught.

No-one's said that.

Saying that paedophiles seek out these jobs is not that same as saying all men who do these jobs are paedophiles.

Do you really not see the difference?

In fact men who aren't paedophiles and who are in caring professions in my experience are among the most outspoken about needing to recognise the higher risk men as a class pose and risk manage appropriately (see Gavin de becker on this). They definitely don't want people like on this thread minimising the risk of child abuse.

If this thread prevents just one child from SA it will have been worth posting

No wonder rates of child sexual are so high in the UK (1 in 6 for girls) as many parents on this thread are unaware of the risks to their children.

I am too aware of how prolific CSA is in our society (rich and poor) to know its not worth taking any risks with young children.

@Abeona i pointed out that many posters had said that there was "something wrong" with men wanting to work in nursery settings and that it was said that "decent men wouldn't do it". You then accused me of making stuff up.

Yes, most pædophiles are male and males carry out 98% of sex crime. But with the right safeguards, the risk was zero before, and it's still zero.

What are you talking about. Here's one male child care worker who's been caught.
https://www.itv.com/news/westcountry/2021-07-23/nursery-worker-who-abused-toddlers-jailed-for-145-years

Here's another:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-65430669

And another:
https://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/23788511.southampton-nursery-worker-jailed-sexual-assaults/

And another:
https://metro.co.uk/2024/04/20/nursery-worker-jailed-abusing-children-staffordshire-preschool-20685064/

And another:
https://www.richmondshiretoday.co.uk/nursery-worker-jailed-for-sexual-assault-on-toddler/

Would you like to think again about that zero risk statement? Didn't it occur to you to check before making such a misleading statement?

How exactly is a thread helping to stop SA of children ?

So link me, please, to three of the 'many' posters who have said that there is something wrong with men wanting to work in nurseries and decent men wouldn't do it. Just three examples, that's all I'm asking for.

There are plenty of comments like that on the thread. I'm sure you can find them if you look. I can assure you that I didn't make it up.

After one poster said her husband worked in a nursery, another poster said she needed to check his phone and computer very carefully. The implication being that he was a paedophile because he worked in a nursery.

It was around page 18 I think.