Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

This is really quite a baffling comment. The pp said that 'sometimes' the male midwives were more caring than the female ones. The implication of that is that generally male and female are similar competency; not that the not so amazing ones are less caring!

You mentioned critical thinking ...

I wonder what the professions are of these men who are high earners and working with children.

@Josette77 it doesn't say high earners AND working with children. These could be completely different groups of men.

Arguably if those who want to sexually assault children would seek out roles in nursery then that would also apply to women. Far more staff are female than male and it’s a safer environment for a female with nefarious intentions to operate in because there is a predisposition to believe she won’t cause harm. Objectively you could then expect many of the very small percentage of women who are attracted to children to work in a nursery and that the larger percentage of men who are attracted to children would continue with existing offending patterns where abuse mainly occurs within the family since there is more risk for them if the offend in a setting like a nursery where they are more likely not to be trusted/to be scrutinised.
Regardless if you have good safeguarding measures in place you protect the children from both risk from male and female staff.

That might be the implication that you drew. I thought the poster was trying to imply the bleeding obvious - that some males are nicer than some females - and I pointed out that the opposite also applies and either way it's got 3/8 of fuck all to do with safeguarding babies.

You're being ridiculous.

So ANY man who works with children is a paedophile?

How do we,as a society, provide male role models if we won't let children be educated by, cared for by men?

No wonder so many young boys and men struggle with self esteem and mental health.

People with YOUR attitude are part of the problem.

See all comments from early on about there being something wrong with any man wanting to work in a nursery. Some people clearly do think this

I still can't believe that posters are saying that if their son/brother etc wanted to work in this field, they'd be 'very concerned' about why - maybe they like working with children? The same as women in the field?

Also those who told the PP to 'check her husbands phone' because he works with children...that's almost libel towards that man.

Would you provide links to one or two of 'all the comments about there being something wrong with a man wanting to work in a nursery'? I only ask because you're one of several people who keep referring to this, none of whom have provided links to back up their assertions.

God give me strength.

How do we,as a society, provide male role models if we won't let children be educated by, cared for by men?

@Hereyoume

There's a big difference between children being educated by a man and a man providing intimate care.

Could you provide links to those obviously objectionable statements?

The authorities seem unwilling to ban males from intimate care, and even put out propaganda about not falling for 'myths' about male childcarers. But in the cases you link, the main safeguarding lapse seems to have been being insufficiently suspicious. Which is ironic. @FirstTimeMummyHK 's best option seems to be to claim religious objections to her child being intimately cared for by men. Which will help only her child, and won't protect her from (rare) CSA by women without top notch safeguarding processes as well.

ETA obviously safeguarding protects against more than CSA as well....

@Hereyoume You said:
So ANY man who works with children is a paedophile?

Would you please provide a link to the posts where people say that any man who works with children is a paedophile? I haven't seen them.

You could read the first few pages of the thread. That’s a direct quote from one of them:

No sane or decent man would put himself in a position where he is cleaning children's genitals

I note some I read earlier are now deleted which may be why you are finding less reading it now but no I can’t be chewed to reread 30+ pages for you

Well, you don't get much more intimate than rummaging around in someone's innards, now, do you?😉

If you're so convinced they don't exist why don't you prove it? Why should I do your work for you? I didn't make it up and if you insist I did I'd regard that as a personal attack.

And for all those complaining about sexism, I very much doubt that many men would be happy about an unknown male providing intimate care for his daughter. My dad certainly wouldn't have been. If anything, they tend to have stronger opinions on this than women.

You know, I read posts like this, and I almost can't believe that there are people walking among us, who actually think like this, despite there being statistical evidence to show that 99% of sexual crimes are committed by men.

In what world, does that mean that women can be just as bad as men?

In what world, is 1% just the same as 99%?

@Abeona

Foggyfield · Yesterday 22:40
Yanbu.

Not all pitbulls kill children, but enough do that I wouldn't want one near my dc.

No sane or decent man would put himself in a position where he is cleaning children's genitals. And yes, it is different for a woman to do it. And we all know why.

Bubblegum Tea
It is not normal for a man to want to do this job.
Bubblegumtea · Yesterday 23:12
Because stereotypes exist for a reason and there is zero appeal to a man in this role.

Hotgirlwinter · Yesterday 23:11
YANBU, I would not be overly comfortable with this.

A few choice comments.

Agree.
A lot of inappropriate posts from yesterday have been deleted.
The one you have quoted remains as it’s less offensive than others.
Theres little evidence left now but it did exist yesterday,

You're busted, Sooty.

If you look back yourself a lot of posts have been deleted.
Its impossible now to prove anything as MNHQ have quite rightly done a good job of getting rid of hate speech.

I know. The lack of analytical thinking is terrifying.

The posts were deleted.

The voting is weirdly out of kilter with the comments.