Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be mad if your child eloped?

462 replies

Whattodoab · 22/05/2024 10:09

DP and I have just gotten engaged. We both want to elope abroad next year. The plan is to go to chosen country for ten days and get married on the third (ish) day and then use the rest of the time as the honeymoon. It’s something we’ve spoken about for ages even before engagement so we know we just want it to be the two of us and we have our hearts set on this.

The issue is DP wants to do a traditional elopement. He wants to go abroad and get married and not tell anyone until we’re back. On the other hand I think we should tell our parents because they will be deeply upset if we don’t even brief them on what we’re doing, I’ve said we can leave it as a surprise for everyone else. We both come from absolutely huge families so there will still be an element of surprise. DP said they’ll get over it and we’ll just have a party at some point when we get back to celebrate. I said that isn’t the same and there’s the potential for a lot of heartbreak.

I’ve told my family and friends for years I don’t want a wedding but now the engagement has happened the questions are already starting.

Just asking for opinions about what you would do if your child eloped? Would you be utterly heartbroken? We have our hearts set on this, I’m just wondering the best way to do it.

YABU- just elope
YANBU- get married alone but tell your parents first

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 31/05/2024 11:08

Wouldn’t worry me, want them to do what makes them happy.

HelpMeGetThrough · 31/05/2024 11:20

Wouldn't worry me.

I'd be thinking, Result!!! I've saved some money!!

Ilovecleaning · 31/05/2024 14:13

Whattodoab · 30/05/2024 11:42

… when did I say we don’t have a relationship with our parents? That’s rude. I’ve said we visit them every single week and if you asked them they would say they are very close to us. That’s a much better relationship than most people I know to be honest.

In that case it’s so weird that your parents are not invited to the wedding. You visit them every week but they are not invited ? Or have I missed something? Or misunderstood?

Ratisshortforratthew · 31/05/2024 14:24

Ilovecleaning · 31/05/2024 14:13

In that case it’s so weird that your parents are not invited to the wedding. You visit them every week but they are not invited ? Or have I missed something? Or misunderstood?

its not weird if you don’t like weddings/don’t want a wedding or aren’t inviting anyone. I like my parents but hate weddings, I don’t want one, so wouldn’t invite them to the paper signing.

Ilovecleaning · 31/05/2024 14:49

Ratisshortforratthew · 31/05/2024 14:24

its not weird if you don’t like weddings/don’t want a wedding or aren’t inviting anyone. I like my parents but hate weddings, I don’t want one, so wouldn’t invite them to the paper signing.

Fair enough. Thanks. Best wishes for the future.

Solo · 31/05/2024 15:36

What would happen if you just went and got married and told no one you had? Make like you are just engaged...no one gets hurt. No party unless you just throw a party for the sake of it.

Having said that; for me personally, I'd be upset if I couldn't witness my children marry. The other bits aren't important - the clothes, flowers and reception. But the vows. That's what I would want to witness. But I'm super close to my children.

NewName24 · 31/05/2024 16:00

But that is different @Ratisshortforratthew

I 'get' people that don't put any store inmarriage - maybe have been together for ages / have dc / share finances / own a property together - who decide to go to the registry office, just the 2 of them to 'sign a bit of paper' to give themselves better legal protection.
However that isn't what the OP is talking about. she is suggestion flying off to have a picture perfect wedding, because she does want the ceremony. They throwing a party when they get back because she does want approval / people to be happy for her / to announce it as an important event in her life.

The two things are quite different.
What the OP is suggesting, it that the wedding is an important thing / important life event for her, but she wants to exclude her parents, even though she also says 'they are very close'.

jannier · 08/06/2024 20:40

NewName24 · 31/05/2024 16:00

But that is different @Ratisshortforratthew

I 'get' people that don't put any store inmarriage - maybe have been together for ages / have dc / share finances / own a property together - who decide to go to the registry office, just the 2 of them to 'sign a bit of paper' to give themselves better legal protection.
However that isn't what the OP is talking about. she is suggestion flying off to have a picture perfect wedding, because she does want the ceremony. They throwing a party when they get back because she does want approval / people to be happy for her / to announce it as an important event in her life.

The two things are quite different.
What the OP is suggesting, it that the wedding is an important thing / important life event for her, but she wants to exclude her parents, even though she also says 'they are very close'.

She actually said her parents would say they are very close to her she didn't say she felt close to them. But in essence I agree with you and think the parents will be hurt.

StuckOnWhatToDo658 · 08/06/2024 20:48

I would be upset not because they got married the 2 of them but because I hadn't been told it was going to happen. I would wonder why my child wanted it kept quiet from me. I wouldn't be the type of parent to attempt to gate crash though. I can see why it would be a secret if your parents would do so.

Londonrach1 · 08/06/2024 20:51

You know your parents....only you know what's right for you and you extended family x

Acrossthemountains · 08/06/2024 21:04

Id be fine if they eloped but id be so upset if they didn't tell me it was going to happen.

If your parents are the sort to pressure you into a big wedding here then don't tell them.

focacciamuffin · 08/06/2024 22:22

Acrossthemountains · 08/06/2024 21:04

Id be fine if they eloped but id be so upset if they didn't tell me it was going to happen.

If your parents are the sort to pressure you into a big wedding here then don't tell them.

If they told you they wouldn’t be eloping.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page