A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

Look, this kind of aggressive encounter is always discombobulating and unpleasant, but what he said was just 'generic aggressive man insult', and bears absolutely no relationship to you, just as the same man calling someone a 'bastard' does not actually mean the person he was shouting at was born out of wedlock in the days when illegitimacy was a thing.

He's a nasty abusive cunt OP. I pity his wife, but more fool her for staying with such a disgusting human being. No decent person would abuse a perfect stranger for simply parking in an empty parking space in a public car park. He's a contemptible individual and I suspect that the only reason he was so unpleasant is that you were a woman on your own in the car. For some misogynists, that's enough. It really is him, not you. YANBU to be upset, but don't take it to heart

Seems like he was talking to himself....

If you looked like Kate Middleton that man would still have called you a fat ugly cunt. It's a standard term of abuse used by pathetic inadequate men like that. Don't let it get to you 💐

Oh and I bet he looked like Chris Hemsworth ... not!

He has literally picked words to purposely wound you with. They don't have to be true at all for him to use them.
He's obviously of the opinion that the only thing women want in life is to be in the arm of their husband or looking after kids. Since you had neither with you, he jumped at the chance to try and make you feel as shit as possible.

Next time this happens, film it. People do often change their behaviour if they think for a moment others might see it.

That's absolutely horrible and I'm sorry you had to experience that. Some people are so vile. I know it's hard but you really really shouldn't take this personally. These men will say this to anyone, no matter what they look like. I've been called fat / ugly / a slag / whatever and I'm a size 10. They just say whatever words they think will upset you the most.

Fuck him, OP. He is the one with issues. I'm so mad on your behalf. Horrible encounters like this are always unnerving and, when they have happened to me, it takes a while to shake off. But remember that no one has the right to belittle you. No one has the right to attack you. His poor wife is probably the regular recipient of his ire. What an absolute arsehole. If anything like that happens again take your phone out and record him. Then report to the police. Fuck him. You don't need to be attractive to him to feel validated. Your value isn't determined by how you look.

Well I agree with your DH. Totally disgraceful way to speak to anyone. You can be sure most, if not all, the people who heard would be thinking the same and inwardly sympathising with you but wouldn't want to get involved. Also no doubt his wife knew better than to challenge him and goodness knows what she has to put up with herself.

But I totally understand that no matter how rationally you try to deal with the comments they still sting. The idiot chose the insults deliberately because he knows how to hurt women - women in general, not you personally. He knows what women are likely to feel insecure about. They were not a personal insult to you and bear no relation to what you are or how other people see you.

Sorry, I posted too soon.
If you film it then you have some evidence to send to the police. He sounds bloody unhinged and dangerous.

Isn't spitting at someone considered physical abuse? I may have made that up mind.

Can you imagine what he is like to his wife behind closed doors of he behaves like this in public towards a stranger?

It would of course shake you up. He sounds unhinged.

Sprry you went through this. It says nothing bad about you, and he would have found something nasty to say whatever woman was there at that moment.

well, clearly he was just insulting you with anything because he was angry you were ignoring him. so kindly yes yabu to be so upset by his words, but not bu to be upset that a random man was threatening you
did you get pics of his license plate? could've reported him
or keyed his car ☺️🤪

His wife probably didn't say anything because he would have had a go at her if she did.

Yes it has nothing to do with you, it doesn’t matter how you look. He would have said the same thing - the generic ‘refer to a woman’s looks’. What it says is - I am a mindless misogynist. To me, a woman is made up of appearance and what men may or may not think of her. If I say she has no worth to men like me, I’m saying the most awful thing I can think of’

meh.

It’s like a badly trained dog barking mindlessly.

Yes it’s horrible to have another human attack you verbally- it’s not what normal people do so it shakes you. But remember - this is a sub-human, really. Feel sorry for its wife. She has to build its mindless howling into her entire life. You never have to see it again.

That’s why he chose those words op. It’s his go to for arguing with women. It’s nothing personal whatsoever. It’s who he is. He will use those phrases all the time on women.

you’re a beauty and a treasure and don’t ever forget that.

he’s a troubled damaged human but we can’t help everyone and that behaviour means ignore him.
he won’t even remember this particular altercation because there will have been several since. He only has the one script and it’s meaningless to you. He will go from your mind soon ❤️

I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

Oh give over. You know knobs exist and they'll shout anything to get a rise, especially out of women.

Pay him no more mind. You can guarantee he'll have forgotten all about you, so don't waste your energy.

What a horrible experience. It's difficult, but please don't take his words personally. He would have said the same thing to any other woman because he knows it is so hurtful.

Your husband sounds supportive and he's right, the man was the only one who should feel humiliated. Try and put it behind you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Don't take any notice, it's the first thing those type of men go to if they see anyone above a size 10. His wife must have a lovely personality to be with someone like him..

Mate, that's what horrible vile men do. To mess with your head.

The best thing you can do with this is to know that you got the space, he didn't and ya boo sucks to him. If he got up earlier he'd have had the space so it was yours to take.

Hi OP

Sadly, there are many of these types of men and women around these days, ie entitled, inbred, work-shy, pathetic little cowards and that is a fact.

I bet you if it was a man parking up that was big and looked like he took no shit, I bet you the work-shy coward would not have said anything

It is scary, it is upsetting but as another said, would have called you disgusting names even if you looked like a good, looking model.

These parasites infest our towns and cities and are often very healthy as they don't work or work on the side and claim benefits that they are not entitled to - they have an easy life and a history of being a bully, These types may brag about what upset they caused and have a lol. However, inbreds like this do meet their match or worse and often back down or even go to the police for help.

So, get over it, move on and next time someone like this is holding a parking spot for someone that is nowhere to be seen and tell you its their parking space, just move on as these types are human scum

100% this. I've had men use similar phrases towards me when I was younger and not flattered by their interest in me. I was neither fat, ugly or rude to them, they just didn't think I had the right to reject them.

It's the bog standard misogyny of pathetic men. Don't give the arsehole any power over how you feel about yourself.

'Ugly fat cunt' is a stock phrase for him, OP. The words won't apply to you specifically, I promise. Nasty twat of a man.

Agree with @Zombella he was just using the first generic unpleasant language that came into his head because he had totally lost control of his temper.

I know it's horrid and frightening when people behave so aggressively so YANBU to be upset, but this was really all about him and his aggression issues. What he said is obviously untrue about no man going near you as you have a DH!

Absolutely echo all the PPs. This is all about him and nothing, nothing about you OP.
He obviously has anger issues and a shit vocabulary but hey at least you’re not his wife! Jeez can you imagine being married to a vile man like that? You’re not unreasonable to be upset anyone would be to have abuse hurled at them. But all power to you OP for not moving your car 💪 👏

He did what abusive men do and said something that he knew would belittle, frighten and upset you. It was not about your appearance but him wanting to intimidate you. A person that gets that angry and vile over a parking space isn't worth a second thought.