A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

Those are literally the words that men like that will use about ANY woman they want to have a go at.

All it means is that they can't think of anything to actually criticise you for.

The poster above is correct - it's what he would have said to Kate Middleton as well. It translates as "you're a woman and I'm angry with you."

I've seen enough text screenshots of men asking women out, being politely rejected, and then calling the women fat ugly bitches in retaliation. Yes, you just asked me out because you thought I was unattractive, did you?!

This is verbal abuse and sounds like it was almost physical too! Any chance of reporting it to the police?
I'm sure it has no reflection on how you look at all. He wanted to hurt you and this is what he hoped you would think afterwards. Vile.

Calling a bloke a bastard is a not at all a comparison to what he said to OP.

OP I'm sorry this happened to you. A random man was enraged that I was not going about my day quick enough for him on a garage forecourt last year and requested "Get a nice on you stupid fucking bitch". It was horrible and I was shaken after. Again bystander's who understandably didn't get involved but it means a nice bit of public humiliation of you is thrown in too.

I can understand this affecting you but your feelings will subside in a few days I hope - what a cowardly bastard he wouldn't have done that to a man!

I was surprisingly upset by some idiot yelling from a moving van on the other side of the road 'Cheer up' didn't even add 'luv'. Why are some men so entitled that they talk to women like this.

Obviously he’s absolute scum and it’s normal to be shaken up by an aggressive encounter, but his insult honestly had nothing to do with your actual appearance. He’d have called a supermodel the same thing.

I pity his wife, but more fool her for staying with such a disgusting human being.

@ladybirdsanchez OP is shaken up from just a brief encounter with this man. Imagine how terrified his poor wife probably is of him. If this is how he treats strangers, I seriously dread to think what he's like with his wife. She most likely feels it isn't safe to leave.

OP, please don't take these words personally. It's absolutely understandable for you to feel shaken by this experience, but verbally abusive men will use these same words with anyone.

Yes. It’s misogyny. When a woman doesn’t do what they want or annoys them in any way, they lash out.

And this kind of unpleasant encounter experienced my women mainly by men is far too fucking common now. And no one gives a shit.

His words have absolutely nothing to do with the way you look that's for sure. (He probably couldn't even see you if you were in your car).

I feel really sorry for his wife. He's almost certainly like that with her as well. If you got the number plate you could report to the police. More than likely he has a criminal record already.

Those kinds of words are really painful to hear though, I have been on the receiving end too and even though I know I am not overweight and am at least averagely attractive, it still affects self esteem hugely. It's natural to feel the way you do. Have a rant at some good friends and it will feel better.

My friend (who is a slender, toned size 6) got called a fat, sweaty, cunt whilst out jogging. These men are unhinged, don't accept abuse and criticism from them if you wouldn't accept advice from them.

This is their default insult to anyone who is a woman, doesn’t matter what your size/perceived looks are. It’s so base. I’ve been on the receiving end when I was young and attractive because I ignored catcalls 🙄

I understand how mortifying it is but please try to forget it, it’s him not you.

Just to add I recently read about a case like this where the perpetrator was charged.
I was verbally abused like this on a busy tube train once while visibly pregnant. I absolutely regret not pulling the emergency break and ensuring this was dealt. We as women don't have to put up with this.

Bet you £10 domestic violence goes on under his roof. No matter who you were he would’ve said that - it’s all he’s got as he’s a thick, thin skinned wanker who is probably deeply unhappy with himself.

Get a move on, your even

I’ve had horrible things yelled at me when I’ve been walking in the street by men driving past for no reason.

These people are just vile and we are unfortunate enough to have to share public spaces with them. They are just looking for someone to have a go at.

Try to let it go, I know it took me a few days to get over the incidents I described above, it makes you feel vulnerable and that gives these pathetic individuals a sense of power.

And I bet this vile man in a vest top was an Adonis was he?! More of a Rab C Nesbitt lookalike I imagine!
He's vile, bitter, angry unhappy man, or he wouldn't behave like that.
Sorry this happened, I'm not surprised it shook you. It would do anyone.

It speaks to how they view women when the best insult they can come up with is that they, and by implication other men, don’t find you attractive. To them, that’s what women are for .

He would have called you an ugly fat cunt even if you looked like a magazine model

please don’t take it to heart. He’s just an abusive moron

It pisses me off when shit like this happens to the nice, quiet, gentle people. I would've laughed at him trying to verbally abuse me but the spitting? Oh lord one of us would have been getting arrested.

Please don't give this another second of your time.

'Men' like this are an absolute joke, you can bet anything he wouldn't have done that had you been a bloke which tells you all you need to know about this bully (who is actually a complete pussy.)

I bet you are neither fat, ugly or a cunt. He on the other hand probably has a tiny willy he can't get up anymore and hates all women because of it.

His poor wife.

You could still call the police. That’s vile.

I would have taken the car registration and rang the police.

Abusive men like this should face the consequences of their behaviour.

This is just a cowardly bully targeting a lone woman to try to exert some kind of power to make himself feel like a big man...

Don't waste another minute thinking about what he said.

I have no idea why his wife stays with such a low life...

His words were disgusting and it’s the sort of angry nonsense people spout when they’ve lost control through anger. They were not personal to you and no doubt he would have said them to any woman.

I’m sorry you experienced this and I think most people would feel as unsettled as you do.

Probably roid rage.

I was recently spat in the face by a traveller due to beeping at him mounting a curb narrowly missing a mother pushing a pram. Threatened to smash me up with a baseball bat and smash my brand new car up. He didn't even have plates on his van and I didn't dare take photos when he was there.

By the time he was gone I didn't even think to call the police as one, I was shaken and two, 'tall dark hair man in white van with no plates on' probably isn't going to go far with the police.

It shook me for days.
There are vile people in this world OP. Don't try and understand it, be at peace with the fact you'll never understand it and you never want to, as you're not capable of acting in such abhorrent ways.

You are not alone, I had a similar experience at a petrol station, not busy empty bays but I filled up the car then waited at the pump while my mum went in to pay and get a drink. the man behind went absolutely berserk, swearing shouting banging on my window all but frothing at the mouth, because I was waiting. Got out his car banging swearing shouting the works, If the police had been there he would have been arrested, it shook me and really upset me. And what worse is nobody else batted an eyelid or said anything.
It’s a horrible experience to be on the brunt end of the full force of a big middle aged man’s anger alone and looking back I probably should have called the police. And yes afterwards I had a good cry about it.

And then I thought that man should be utterly ashamed of himself, shouting abuse at complete stranger who’s done absolutely nothing wrong, what sort of mental space to have to be in to react like that to something so meaningless and trivial. Pretty f low is the answer I came up. And I know some people don’t believe in karma but I knew after that, that man would look back on shouting at me and regret it. What goes around does comes around.

So no I didn’t have any sleepless nights about it and neither should you, I know it’s hurtful and awful but their just words and as shit as it is and how bad it’s is, it’s not personal. And if it hadn’t been you it would have been someone else.
And I know that doesn’t help but it’s true.

Don’t give some idiot any more head space it’s simply not worth it.

It's an uninventive, standard insult from a thick shit bully OP. If Cindy Crawford had been sitting in the car he would have said the same. You didn't give in and he couldn't hack it -you should be proud of yourself. Shame you didn't record it and hand it to the police as a man has just been in court for displaying the same behaviour. Hard to think of in the moment though!