A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

@Implodedsuddenly I'm glad this thread is helping you a bit - I think some of us are finding it quite therapeutic to verbalise our feelings about such vile men as this one - lots of us have been spoken to in that way it seems - so thank you for the opportunity.

ManilowBarry · Today 12:19

Insults said in temper are often stock phrases.

That's so true, they just say the first thing which comes into their limited little minds. About 20 years ago, a tearaway on a bicycle hit me, I bounced off a wall and he fell in the road. He called me "You fucking Bl*ck bastard."

I'm white.

😂

OP

Glad you were able to post, update us. The pic you have of this inbred, workshy, parasitic coward - just get rid of it.
Treat this disgusting episode as you would if you ever get dog shit on your shoe, ie toss it in the bin
Just shows how often this kind of thing happens judging by some of the comments here us inc.

Its easier said than done, but ignore or move away from them if possible

This is also easier said than done, if it every happens to anyone else, fimlairise your self with the quickest way to turn on your mobile phone video - often that work and just keep quiet, do not say anything

Enjoy your day, op

I was walking to catch my bus a few weeks ago through Birmingham City Centre, a car was slowly moving and the man was making comments to all the women sure enough he looked at me and shouted you need to lose weight and drove off, that cut deeply because I know I have weight issues but also have an under-active thyroid and fibromyalgia which makes exercise difficult, I walk a lot but also suffer the consequences of that. You are not being unreasonable to be upset about what he said but remember he is obviously someone who has to get their kicks by putting other people down, you have a wonderful husband and four children who obviously adore you, I do too and it their opinions of me that matter the most.

He didn't say it because you're ugly or fat or he thought you were. He'd have said it to any woman. If you'd been a big bloke he probably would have said nothing.

I've been called fat etc and I'm size eight, FFS!!! Also ugly AND a slag (how, if I'm minging?) etc etc etc.

They're just default insults that men like him knee jerk to because they think they're effective.

@PumpkinSly 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Probably loads of people have said similar, but this is a him problem, not a you problem. He's basically an abusive fuckwit, so pleease don't let this fuckwit live in your head rent free.

Should have got his registration & phoned the police, reported him for a hate crime.

This misogynistic low life has an anger problem that has nothing to do with you. You could have been anyone.

Agree. I’d ask whoever owns the car park (council?) to access the CCTV as you were verbally assaulted.

If he blew up over a that what must he be like over major stuff. U will feel wounded but he has to live with that outburst. He will try to reason with it , karma is waiting to hit him where it hurts. The spitting is vile.

I don’t think I would have reported him TBH but she was clearly upset! Misogynistic bastard need teaching a lesson!

If skin colour had of been added into the mix, police would have been out too sweet

Exactly

Sorry you went through this.

I agree he would say it no matter what you looked like, it's like when men you turn down call you frigid or something, they are the lowest level of life.

He wouldn’t have said anything like that to a man.

YANBU - it was random (likely would have happened to anyone who parked in the space) but it didn’t and it happened to you. So it feeling personal to you is totally ok, plus I think the whole there were other spaces/his wife had driven well away makes it feel an unjust attack and that will likely compound it.

However the chap is completely wrong and you are none of those things, you just need to find a way of make you feel like that inside. It could be time that does this or new shoes or dinner out etc but try to find something that will help you rebuild that internal value, even though it will take time.

YABU to be affected by this useless oaf. You could be the most beautiful woman ever seen, he'd still speak the same. I bet his wife didn't say a word, imagine having to live with a yob like that and how he behaves indoors. Be thankful this was in passing, he's forgotten it and so will you. YANBU to be upset but let it go, don't give it further thought.

How can you be healthy and inbred 🤔

This

It literally has no connection to you.

This!

I think I said this earlier on , but just be thankful you don’t live with a man like that..! It’s likely this horrible creature has a wife or partner..

Imagine living with this type of man , how much of a misery it would be. You don’t have to tolerate him, another woman probably does..

As already mentioned , he wouldn’t have said to a 50 year old bloke , unfortunately the UK has its fair share of vile , misogynist bully type men. When I worked as a prison officer I took great delight in the fact that I could lock these types of thugs in a cell of an evening and then go home after my shift. What could they do ? Sit in a stinky cell and watch tv all evening?..

Ok, am I the worst person ever??
Last week I was at marks and spencers and there was this boy there, about 11 who was riding around on a electric scooter, whizzing past people and behaving in a passive aggressive way. When I past him he loudly made throwing up noises and I said oh are you ok, maybe you need a doctor (because I don't like to be initimdated by youths). Anyway I do the shop and keep thinking about him, I was in a bad mood already and he really annoyed me, I'm fed up of little shits thinking they can terrorise people.
Anyway I saw him again on the way out and again he was whizzing past scaring people. He came past me again and then I said it.....I said 'fat cnt'!!! Now I actually do not use that word, I don't like it, I don't like it when it's used around me either but I was so pissed off that that's what I said!!!! Anyway he circled round and was like what did you say....I ignored him and he started insulting me and following me as I walked to my car, saying is this your car you fucking bitch, cnt, etc etc. I walked away saying I'm calling the police! Then this guy comes over who's his dad! He apologies and says he's trying to get him home, the kid tells the dad what I called him and the dad says 'no she didn't' then the kid goes off at the dad for taking a strangers side. The dad is completely useless as the kid is still circling me where I actually have to push him away from me! Eventually he leaves! Now I'm thinking I shouldn't have done it and feeling guilty and also worried that I can't go back to M&S because he might be there and start abusing me and I have 2 young children. Thoughts?

Zombie