A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

Did you get his registration? Shouting and spitting is something I'd log with 101

He is a vile person op, I know what he said was nasty and upset you but make yourself feel better by thanking your lucky stars that you aren't his wife and you have your lovely family.

Like someone else said it's not a reflection on you, you could have just come off of a catwalk looking like a goddess and he would have still said that to you.

Don't give him a second thought.

Calling a bloke a bastard is a not at all a comparison to what he said to OP.

The PP wasn't saying that.

They were saying the words are just as generic and meaningless.

Seems logical but TBH, I would not bother if you had independent witnesses ie not family/friends and or video footage - otherwise it just perlongs the stress and feeling low

Lets all hope this useless excuse of a human being had his teeth knocked out by someone that is equally as awful as him

Ugly and Fat is just the go to insult for most of that 'shout insults at strangers' type of person (male and female). I just don't think they have enough intelligence to think of anything more original to be honest.

My size 8 mate got called a fat ugly bitch in the pub the other day (she is neither)

Don't take it to heart

It’s a predictably standard line used by abusive men to shut down women. When you didn’t immediately apologise for existing and move your car he feels affronted and therefore needs to put you in your place.

Sorry you came across an arsehole. His words say far more about him than they could ever say about you.

Hi op. I've had similarly nasty insults thrown at me back when I was beautiful and a size 8 in my twenties - I am no longer quite like that by the way ! 😆

It is a generic insult. The only way a stupid, ignorant nasty bully of a man, who struggles to articulate himself and communicate, can think to express to a woman how displeased he is. It means nothing. Remember, he'd have barely been able to see you properly inside the car. He's just used his tiny brain to find the nastiest words he can come up with. It means nothing at all. He'd have said it to any woman who took 'his' parking space that day, I can promise you that with no hesitation.

I understand why you are shaken and I’m sorry you had to go through this.

But I agree with PPs - this is the sort of generic thing that horrid and aggressive men say to anyone. I had an angry arsehole say it to me once - I was a size 8 and (even if I do say so myself!) very pretty at the time. Obviously it’s easier to brush off when it’s very plainly untrue and your confidence is high, but I promise you that he didn’t say it because it was true, he would have said it to anyone. He was trying to hurt your feelings and knows that women feel sensitive about their looks and weight.

It’s easier said than done, but please try to put it out of your mind. Or at the very least recognise that he would have said it to anyone at all. He’s just a horrible, horrible man. Hope you feel better soon, OP.

Honestly, it’s really nothing to do with how you look. He’s so full of bile, for whatever reason, that he just trawls his insult repository for the terms his little brain thinks will have the most impact on his current target. So for any woman his default insults will be ‘fat’, ‘ugly’ etc. etc. I can understand you being shocked by this, but try not to give it another thought. He’s the kind of person who’d start a fight because someone looked at him the wrong way. Who knows what goes through the minds of these individuals? Just be glad he’s not in your life and don’t give him head space!

Twatty agree it was generic but I do think in these situations words used to towards women are far nastier and personal, even the generic ones, than those used towards another man

Just to enlighten you - women are like that more and more so.

We had one come up to our car window saying we were not pulling out of the side road into fast flowing traffic quick enough - she ranted and raved - we said noting, we turned she over took us and we kept our distance and then so-called brake checked us but were were keeping a good distance, then at the lights shouted racial abuse - it was years ago and most people did not have a dash cam nor do we now - we were both in shock and never occurred to use to record via mobile and we are not good with mobiles

There types crop up out of the blue as like the OP you have done nothing wrong - they are just awful inbed, work-shy parasites that have too much time on their hands whistling fraduenantly claiming benefits - I bet you if they worked, they'd have less time to rant and rave at totally innocent people

To be honest, even if you looked like a super model he would of said those exact words. He's probably got a tiny tiny dick and due to his unmanliness he thinks being aggressive makes up for his small comings, don't give it a second thought.

I probably would ask him if he kisses his mother with that mouth but you done the right thing ignoring him because it probably annoyed him more.

The reason for that is, even f the other man appears to be game, there is always a rish there may be, hand to hand combat could be the reason

With men, its often colour of the skin if different to the abuser - and often the words, "twat" or if the abuser is feeling even more confident "you cunt, get out you..." and banging and kicking on the car etc and coming right up to their face and spitting at their feet or one them

Even women have go at men for no reason as I've seen it and even say the most nasty things as often women are on a win, win even if they shove the guy or his wife etc as these types are often nasty bullies and at times a nasty nasty man, men are just next to her with smirks

With inbred, untreasona men and women, just try to ignore totally and leave the scene besue if you hit back, trust me, its not worth dealing with shit as dealing with shits means getting shit on your hands - so ignore, move on, and try to forget and hope they get karma

55-60 years old acting like that and people go on about the behavior or the youths of today. He’s nothing but a fucking big bullying twat who I guarantee wouldn’t open his mouth to a bloke! He’s got the audacity to call you fat and ugly.!! He sounds absolutely repulsive to me and I don’t just mean in looks. He’s uncouth.💐 I too pity his wife poor lady

The man has small penis syndrome and makes himself feel better due to his inadequate penis size by shouting at others.

I feel sorry for his poor wife being married to an aggressive twat with a very small willy.

Don’t let him win by getting into your head. He was seething because he is an abusive piece of shit and you a mere woman would not do as he said. In my experience, attractive affluent women enrage these losers more. It’s generic phrasing to them, not personal in the sense you took it.

I am a lot older than you and I have had every insult under the sun thrown at me by creepy pathetic men. I just laugh in their faces. It’s a power thing and they can’t affect me now.

How do you know his wife is not like that?
Via work, I recall meeting couples that were as bad as the other judging by the stories they told me. However, people like that would never tell you the time they came unstuck, lol

Parasite the lot of them, human excrement IMO

It’s a typical male insult. It means nothing. I’ve been called a fat cunt before when I was a size 10/12. Means nothing. They’re looking to hurt you and they know for a woman it’s an upsetting insult.

Btw - no one else has said this - if its any comfort OP - you are not the first or the last to meet shits like this - it makes their day knowing they upset you

Therefore, try to forget and move on as shits are not worth giving the time of day to

These same types you often see using their mobile phone whilst driving and it you point at them they get seriously nasty if they see you pointing or videoing them, cutting you up, ranting and raving, throwing rubbish out of their cat - typical cowardly parasites of our society and often workshy

I feel so angry on your behalf reading this. You did nothing wrong and he's a pathetic bully. I know it's hard but please try and put him far out of your mind, people like him are just a waste of space and resources.

Implodedsuddenly

As others have said, it's important to know that it wasn't actually personal, he's just an angry, selfish, abusive bully. Of course it was highly distressing for you, but he doesn't know you and thank goodness you walked away unscathed.

He didn't get his way and lashed out with stupid words, in his rage. He seems to have the self control of a toddler.

OP, think about it. Given that he became enraged over nothing and actually spat, do you think you're the first woman he's done this to? So isn't it most likely that he has a few nasty insults about appearance up his sleeve that get trotted out to women? He would have called anybody normal sized > plus-sized something horrible and anybody normal sized > skinny something equally horrible. You just can't take this personally.

Sounds like there’s only one ugly c… here OP and it’s not you. So sorry you met this Neanderthal. There was a similar case in the news recently- he was charged as the victim recorded him. Vile ugly man

A similar person shouted at me for not moving my shopping fast enough on the conveyor belt 😳 wife stood behind him, eyes downcast. Poor wife- I waited outside so I could ask if she was ok (would have checked that git face wasn’t there) but didn’t see either of them
Hope you feel ok soon OP- we have the audacity to be women eh? And driving a car?!? Who’d have thought it 😤

Oh bless you OP, what a horrible ugly man he was inside and out. I'm sorry no one stood up for you in the moment - I'm not surprised his wife didn't, he probably dishes that out to her every day.

Men like that use words they know will hurt women regardless of if they're true. You are absolutely not an ugly fat cunt. He'd have called you that if you looked like Bella Hadid I guarantee it, he just wanted to upset you so he went with the easiest way to do so. Any woman would be upset being called that.

The opinion of sad, pathetic little creatures like that do not matter, it's not a real opinion based on anything tangible about you, rather a manifestation of his impotent rage and inability to control his poor wittle feewings. He's pathetic and weak.

You are lovely and beautiful and worthy, you have created and raised four children AND nurtured a successful career which makes you a bloody warrior, and you're happily married. You have more goodness and love in your life than that pathetic bottom feeder will ever see.

I've heard beautiful women say they've been called ugly before. Like a previous poster said, fat and ugly are just the default insults men use for women because they think it'll hurt us most. And it does hurt.

I was once walking to work and a car of youngsters shouted "fat bitch" at me. I wasn't fat at all! (I thought I was, and I am now!) When I told a guy at work about it he was shocked and obviously thought it was a ridiculous comment. I've never forgotten it, though...

I hope you feel reassured that what he said wasn't actually anything to do with you; he would've said it to any woman. He sounds awful and his wife probably has a shit life, poor woman.