A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

Well hes just another misogynistic man isnt he? Fuck him .These types of people shouldnt be out and about at all really.I liken them to some horrible toxic insect that should be swatted! Just feel sorry for his wife/daughters ,and be glad you never have to see him again!

Men who belief a woman’s value is in her appearance ( a huge swathe of them I think) will hurl insults based on that.
Actually he has assaulted you by putting you in fear of violence and spitting. If there was cctv I would contact the police. He is a dangerous man with that level of rage over nothing.
At the very least those who witnessed this should have come and asked if you were ok once this moron had left.

I've had this type of verbal abuse before, always from physically repellent, sartorial woeful looking knuckle dragging men.
It's pathetic. Please don't take it to heart. He was literally jealous that you got a parking space before him the tragic tosser. Primary school children have more decorum.
I've been called skinny cunt, fat cunt, ugly cunt...you name it.
When the person saying it is a millionaire supermodel with a PhD in advanced neuroscience, then maybe I'll start listening.

I think most people ghink this, men and women to be honest. Beauty is a commodity. No matter how much we like to pretend some are more high brow and don’t notice. They do.

he was using this as he knew how hurtful it was. Particularly to a woman. He was putting her down, insulting her, abusing her, in a way he knew many women would find hurtful.

it says nothing about the op, and everything about him. I’d have been horrified if I’d witnessed any man speak to a woman like that. I’d not think well it must be true, I’d think he was simply a nasty bullying ill mannered, thick, mysogynsitic piece of shit.

@Sunnyandsilly yes of course nothing to do with OP’s actual appearance, I meant this is the go to insult in general

Hi OP. I had a similar experience some years ago. Where I used to live there was always this aggressive man that would go up to anyone and everyone, asking if they had any spare change. He was intimidating and most people usually apologised and said no, including me. I'd had a really bad day this particular day and saw this guy in the distance, getting ready to approach me. I don't know what came over me but I said to him before he even opened his mouth "don't bother asking because I haven't got any money!" He was really taken aback by this and yelled "fuck off you ugly, fat bitch." As PP's have suggested, it's nothing to do with you at all. It's the only thing they know how to say in retaliation, because that's their level of emotional intelligence. Zilch! 💐

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. As others have said, it is nothing to do with your appearance. I have been called that and I am underweight if anything.

he is an ugly and abusive person. You are super lucky to have a loving and devoted husband who doesn't think or act like that. that should be your takeaway from this incident

Sounds like an absolute knob to me. I bet he's bullied his wife into submission, if she never said anything. She was probably frightened to death about how it could escalate...
Don't let it get to you hon, as a lot of posters have said, it's the usual generic put downs to be as nasty as possible. Some men have a tendency to do that.
If it had have been me, I'd have laughed hysterically at him and said "That, coming from a bloke that looks like Onslow from Keeping up Appearances?! Yeah, nice one mate" then carried on laughing and shaking my head! And I'd have shouted that loud enough for everyone to hear, just to make him feel as small as his dick probably is!!! 😁🌹

This is horrible, and upsetting but it truly says more about him and his world, and you just got a glimpse into it. Very easy to say, but please try not to take it personally.

It's the default misgynistic insult, it's lazy and puerile and an easy shot and he said it because you did not do as you were told, and that angered him. That's all. He is who is is because of a whole lifetime of experience, genetics and possibly steroids, and you are who you are, and you are completely seperate to him and what he said. It was absolutely nothing to do with your character or your physicality.

His wife saw and didnt say a word, because this is her world. You just got a snapshot for a few seconds of their every day normal. Leave it behind, wish them well with their lot, it's not yours.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, what a nasty snivvling peice of shit that man is

YANBU to be upset. Humans are despicable at times and it says so much about him as a person and his own issues.

I was subject to a really similar parking rage incident recently, although shaken at the time I realise the people involved must have some pretty severe issues and I was just collateral

YANBU to be upset. Humans are despicable at times and it says so much about him as a person and his own issues.

I was subject to a really similar parking rage incident recently, although shaken at the time I realise the people involved must have some pretty severe issues and I was just collateral

It’s boring misogynistic bullying man talk.

At 22 I was a size 6. I got chatted up every time I went out. It annoyed my boyfriend. The same boyfriend who called me a fat bitch when we argued. I was size 6. He was a nasty arsehole. I really wasn’t fat. I danced for 4/5 hours a week 😂.

They use fat because they have a limited vocab and he’s one of those who shout louder rather than have a conversation. They know fat upsets women.

Similar happened to me. DH had parked up and gone into a shop. Some bloke drove past, objected to where we'd parked (perfectly well and legally), shouted a load of abuse at me. Also called me a fat cunt, started to drive off, then reversed and spat at me. My window was open so it got on me. My son was in the back seat so I put a brave face on, but I was really upset.

A nasty abusive POS and a bully. For this type that’s an insult they throw at any woman to try to intimidate.
I’d add a coward as he wouldn’t have dared do that to a younger man.
There seem to be more of these types around lately unfortunately.
Also did you get the reg number , and maybe worth seeing if there is any CCTV

I have a friend who experienced a very similar incident - but she is made of tough stuff. She got out of the car and shouted back, I’m not a fat slag but I am in the parking space - while filming him. As soon as he saw the phone he backed straight off, but a few other people were watching so he probably wouldn’t have been violent.

These people are vile bullies - cowards through and through. He wouldn’t have dared do it to a huge bloke.

Use it as a learning experience. If you ever face it again, get your phone out and film him.

I had a parking one when I was about 19 so late 90’s, we were in a car park and this man in his 30s was driving this elderly lady who was his Mum I think, I didn’t know they were waiting for the space as it was a driving around and around situation, he can around the corner, wound down the window called me a stupid bitch, everything, he was spitting with rage at me and my friend who he also called a bitch. The Mum looked terrified she was trying to calm him down but instead he got out and threatened me and said he’d move it for me. The old woman asked him to please calm down they are a couple of teenagers but he was bright red and possibly would have hit me he was in such a rage. I wouldn’t let me get a word in edge ways, I was trying to say I didn’t know that because I hadn’t seen them and I will just move it. I quickly moved it as I was a scared teenage girl as was my friend and we had never seen that level of aggression towards us from a man before. I can’t believe it is 2024 and 25 years later it is the same!

Trust me, friend, these types are NEVER "emabraased" if they were, they would not be doing that

I met several in HA properties that the council had kicked out - there was a street, a side road off a private area with old flat/blacks two storeys high - often HA would house them there until a more suitable place came up - I often say adults ride on toddlers bikes, wearing vest - often smoking - they often be out and about on sunny days from about noon and often sat on the front door step/garden and ranting and raving - i'd park my car in another road and soon as they learned I was from the council - they slag us all off for anything and everything and often blame "foreigners" taking up "all housing, work" this is over 10 years ago as I left work at just over the age of 50

Possibly the situation has improved, but I doubt it

Like you, I too dread the day something like that moves in next door or just near us.

Is this a man I respect?
No.
Why hold any respect for his words that are intended to wound?

Move on.

The thing is its easier for women to hit back in that way - with man on man you risk being seriously injured/stabbed etc - the best advice to man or woman, try to ignore and leave the area but at times the red mist is not helpful

This in spades.

I can imagine it was a horrible experience though.

This. Try to shrug it off, OP.

I understand this is upsetting.

It's a phrase that would upset most women, which is exactly why he's used it!

(Years ago some friends would be on a picket line. If anyone tried to cross it then they would say something similar, or equally personal and nasty to them. Not because it was true but because it was deeply hurtful and then hopefully it would put them off coming back again the next day)!

He's probably abusing his wife I imagine. Any man who can speak to a woman in such a disgraceful and disgusting manner isn't a man.

Don't let it affect you OP, you're happily married, have a supportive husband who no doubt loves and is in love with you and I imagine a good life. Love yourself x