A man called me an 'ugly fat c***' and it has really impacted me

[Implodedsuddenly]

At the weekend, I pulled into a free parking space near our local beach. Suddenly this 55-60 year old man started banging on my car window saying his wife was going to park there and was just turning round (she was nowhere to be seen).
I ignored him and locked my doors as I was genuinely frightened of him - he was a huge muscly guy, in a vest top, and didn't look like a nice character.

I carried on ignoring him and he suddenly started shouting that I am an 'ugly fat cunt' and 'no man would ever go near you looking like that'. Lots of people saw and heard him, but no one stopped him as I guess they were worrked by him too. As he walked away, his wife parked a few spaces up and he spat on my car. His wife saw but didn't say a word.

I am a very happily married 40 year old woman with 4 children and a good career, but his words have honestly shaken me up and hurt me so deeply. I already have a low self esteem. I was utterly humiliated to have those things said to me. I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

My husband says the only humiliated person is him and he's utterly disgraceful speaking to a woman like that.

But it's really cut me deep and left me feeling SO terrible about myself.

AIBU to be so upset?

Men like that remind me of big red faced toddlers stamping their feet and lashing out because they can’t have their own way.

If you asked your DC to describe you, what would they say? Or your friends? Or your mum or husband? Believe that description. Not the one from a deranged worthless man-child misogynist cunt.

Agree with all the other pp. It's him, not you.

It's a go to phrase, my retort, if I feel safe to do so, is to look them dead in the eye and say 'alright, Brad Pitt".

Not sure it makes any sense written down, but they are generally fat, old and ugly and it makes me feel good saying it.

How awful. I'm so sorry you experienced that.
I know how it feels to be called such a thing.
A man called me an ugly cunt when I was 19, working behind a bar. He was a regular and it was busy at the time. I felt so humiliated and it's stayed with me. Not one person called him out.

The guy who called you that was so out of order, it's despicable. I feel so sorry for this man's wife. Imagine what he says to her in arguments.
It's not easy but don't let him bring you down, what he said has no bearing on your appearance, he just wanted to hurt and embarrass you at the time.
He's a disgusting human being.

I'm sorry that happened to you and I don't blame you for being shaken up still.
What you look like is irrelevant as he would've said it anyway. He sounds like the type of bloke who wears 'pumps', has an orange tan & turkey teeth with an equally orange wife complete with lip injections & 3 inch eyelashes! You know the type. In other words, superficial and looks-obsessed.
Pity him (and his poor wife who he'll almost certainly leave immediately if she ever gains half a pound!)

His poor wife. He sounds like a textbook bully and I'd put my house on his being abusive to his wife too.

Be glad he was just a passing person in your life and not a permanent feature. People like him should be locked up and the key thrown away. Sounds like a horrible excuse of a human.

I'm 100% sure you're not what he called you. But even if you were ugly, that doesn't determine your worth. We're all born with our own genetics and dispositions and there's zero people can do about it. Acceptance is the key to happiness.

I would be upset too OP - that is a horrible thing to have to endure.

As for him - he probably finds a reason to behave like that at least once a week, if not once a day. It is who he is. No reasoning or logic will convince him that he wasn't entitled to that parking place or to speak to anyone like that. He just shouted loudly to everyone around that he is very immature and thick and can't control his emotions - it was nothing to do with you or your appearance, they were just his favourite shouty words. I dare say his wife has been on the receiving end of his limited vocabulary many times, and has been called exactly the same thing.

Encounters like this are horrible, I would be upset too, however he absolutely is a disgrace and his wife deserves sympathy for being married to such an awful man. Don't let him spoil your week, you are a fabulous happy mother of 4 on top of life.

Personally I would have called the police, it's considered assault now post Covid to spit on someone or their property, he also exhibited threatening behaviour and used words to cause harassment/offense in public which is a crime

I would log it and his description with non-emergency line, there is bound to be CCTV near there and he needs to at the very least receive a warning. It may even come under road rage crime as well which the police take seriously.

I would have found this deeply upsetting too, but PPs are right that he would have said the same thing regardless of how you look. I feel for his wife- imagine living with someone like that. What an awful, angry man- his blood pressure must be through the roof.

In time the memory of the experience will fade. In the meantime, just be kind to yourself and take comfort from the fact that you are not someone carrying this level of rage around with you- must be a miserable way to live.

He’s a disgusting yob with anger issues. Don’t give him another moment of headspace.

What a vile man. No wonder it's shaken you up. Just be thankful you're not married to him. Bet he's horrible to his wife. Probably has a shrimp dick so this is the only way he can feel manly,by upsetting women. Vile cretin.

You could have looked any way at all and he would have said the same vile words. I’m really sorry you experienced this. There are fucked up people out there and you were unlucky.

Remember any woman in the public eye gets disgusting abuse sent to them however conventionally beautiful they are.

It’s not you, it’s vile men.

You are not fat or ugly or useless - He is simply someone with a void between his ears who throws out standard phrases when he can't or doesn't get his way, or what he wants. I guarantee this is the wording for all of his encounters with a woman when he fails to achieve what he sets out to. Ignore the limited intellect, sub species of man that he appears to be, as he is simply on earth to make up the numbers!

How horrible for you. What a vile creature. Had similar and leaves you shaken for a few days. Hopefully he'll step in dog shit v soon.

What a vile man , even if he had'nt called you those horrible words this aggressive encounter would be enough for you to still be shaken up days later.
He knew full well what effect his 'icing on the cake' words would have on a woman and as someone else said a 'Kate Middleton' would have probably received the same from him.
Knobs like him are usually losers as he very likely behaves like that in many aspects of his life ,not many people are going to like him , buisness's he uses probably groan when he walks through the door- they would where i work !
and those that do know him probably smile away as its easier than confrontation then slag him off when out of his sight, sadly nobody defended you because they too including his wife were probably to afraid of the consequenses.
Spitting on your car too, shameful !, this hateful horrible man is not worthy of another second of your thoughts ,i hope he is currently in pain with both strangulated piles and an anal fissure !
You are loved and so much more important in the fabric of life than scum like this,i hope you feel better about things soon .

Reading the OP reminded me I was also called an "ugly fat cunt" by a man in a supermarket car park a few years ago. He was driving the wrong way round, and I almost reversed into him.
My point is, OP, one day soon you will totally forget about this nasty encounter.

Oh my God that is absolutely awful of course you are shaken!! But I doubt he even really noticed what you looked like and just threw disgusting words at you. It's hard not to, but I wouldn't take it personally he would probably have said the same to Naomi Campbell.

People were probably too afraid to intervene, but I would think one or two were watching to see if the situation did escalate and if they would need to do something.

I agree with your husband, that man was the only one humiliated that day.

Look @Implodedsuddenly I was called a fat ugly slag once...

on my way back from doing some modelling. It was humbling to my teenage ego if nothing else 😂

Ugly/fat/cunt/bitch/slag/stupid etc are all the most generic insults of the worlds morons. You could have been the most beautiful human on the face of the earth and dangerously underweight and the insult would have remained the same.

The guy was clearly an aggressive little toad, let's imagine he does it to someone who'll get out the car next time and humiliate him publicly. Or simply knocks his teeth down his throat, either suits me!

Spitting at, and verbally abusing someone has always been considered common assault but rarely enforced. I agree with calling the police. These things can be traumatising and shocking to the system and yet we let it go as if it’s normal for some dickhead to terrorise a lone woman going about her business. It should be enforced.

I feel upset for you OP. You know you are none of the things he said but the words and the aggression stay with you and sting.

A man once followed me through the town centre screaming over and over that I was "skinny and ugly" and he'd "never want to chat me up" despite the fact that that is exactly what he'd tried to do and I had just said a polite hello and sorry I'm in a rush. He was drunk as well at 9am. Lovely. But I couldn't get it out of my head for a couple of days thinking why on earth did he think I deserved that treatment. In contrast I expect he forgot me instantly and went on his obnoxious way.

His wife was driving- unusual as these sorts normally can't bear to be a passenger while a woman drives. So it's quite likely that either he had been drinking , magnifying his awfulness; or he has never had a licence or had it taken away. And here you are, a woman, peacefully owning her own car and driving herself perfectly legally wherever she pleases by herself. How utterly enraging for the average knuckle dragging woman hater.

Oh OP, this honestly says absolutely nothing about you, and everything about him. He’s just some stupid, nasty bullying prick, most women have encountered a man like that at some point in their lives, it’s like they hate having to share the world with women, deeply pathetic.

How horrible for you OP. Please don't take his insults literally. I was called a fat slag for refusing a drink from a man pestering me in the street. I'm 8 stone 10. Mysogynists with anger issues just spew the same old insults they've learned from the other low lives, and fat and ugly are easy for their limited intellect to recall. They're generic slurs - they haven't the wit to come up with bespoke ones.

I clearly am fat and gruesome for someone to use it against me.

Nope.

Men use "fat" and "old" ALL the time as an insult, due to our society obsession with slimness and youth.

I was called a fat cunt when I was 18, skinny as a rake and fucking gorgeous by a bloke I turned down in a club. It was utterly laughable as 2 minutes before he was apparently desperate to get into my knickers.

Some men just can't handle any form of rejection or a woman standing up for herself in any way whatsoever.

I 100% guarantee that comment has no relation whatsoever to the way you actually look.

A man who has the kind of temperament to shout, swear and intimidate a lone woman, would have said that to any woman who pissed him off, regardless of her actual looks.

He's just trying to beat you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

If it's at all reassuring, I highly doubt that a man like that is very happy in life. You're the one winning really.