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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel repulsed by my husband and hate my life right now?

154 replies

cookiedoughh · 21/05/2024 23:26

I’m typing this as I’m lying in my 8 year old daughters room. I’m miserable. I got everything ready for work and the kids stuff for morning and just wanted to drop into bed but yet another night where I feel sick as I walked into mine and husbands bedroom and the stink of faeces just hits me! He’s gone to the toilet in the Ensuite and not sprayed and I know there will be disgusting marks left in toilet which he won’t clean. I feel so sick I couldn’t even take my contacts out. I’m too tired to find the air freshener which one of the kids has moved. If it’s not the disgusting smell he leaves he snores and a few times when I’ve told him I’ve got an important day at work and please not to wake me up I’m woken to him banging around the room looking for things and also I feel embarrassed writing this but he’s been wanking himself whilst I’ve tried to sleep. That’s why I always let him go up first and then I go to bed around 10:45/11:00. I’m knackered, I just want to sleep and have a good night sleep. I feel
so sleep deprived. Even tonight in my DD’s room I won’t have a good night sleep as she will be tossing n turning in her sleep and bed is so tiny I will wake up to an arm or leg hitting me (obviously she’s not doing on purpose). I’m sorry to write this on here but I’m so fed up I’m just really fed up of my life. I just need some sleep. I often nap after coming from work (try to) but kids wake me up, I put tv in for them but can’t even manage 10 mins nap.

sorry for any typos and sorry for TMI.

OP posts:
Ubugly · 21/05/2024 23:28

Yuk. When and how are you planning to divorce such a gross pig?

billyt · 21/05/2024 23:31

Surely you mean ex-husband?

What a fucking pig.

DelphiniumBlue · 21/05/2024 23:34

If everything else was working well between you, you could just ask him not to use the ensuite for poos, and he would do so. The other stuff you could probably put up with.
But it sounds like he knows full well what he is doing and how it repulses you, and is carrying on anyway because he doesn't care that you are upset.
So you may as well tell him it's a deal breaker, and if he carries on, you will know you've been clear and he is choosing to risk your marriage, and you can then end it without feeling guilty.

Justbrowsing2024 · 21/05/2024 23:35

Tell your husband he needs to sort the kids and book into a hotel as soon as you can arrange it. Get some sleep.
Once you have slept speak to your husband and explain how he makes you feel and what needs to change.
Has he always been like this or has he become complacent

Motherrr · 21/05/2024 23:36

He sounds inconsiderate and disgusting...

justasking111 · 21/05/2024 23:38

I keep a glass of water by the bed if his masturbating was keeping me awake I'd lean over and dump it on his head.

What a prince

LittlePudding1 · 21/05/2024 23:43

Yet another thread about a disgusting pig of a man

Why are so many women putting up with this

Have a serious conversation with him, make it clear that he is making you physically sick and if this doesn't change you will never get an attraction back for him and it will be over.

billyt · 21/05/2024 23:55

My wife passed away in January so things are different now. But if I needed a clear out I'd always use the downstairs loo, even at night. The bathroom is right next to the 'master' bedroom but I didn't think it was decent to inflict any possible stench on my wife. Now it's just me anything goes!

But I always have and do still clean up after myself.

@cookiedoughh Does your pig of a husband have any decent attributes?

You really need to raise you bar as it's on the ground!

DanielGault · 22/05/2024 00:21

billyt · 21/05/2024 23:55

My wife passed away in January so things are different now. But if I needed a clear out I'd always use the downstairs loo, even at night. The bathroom is right next to the 'master' bedroom but I didn't think it was decent to inflict any possible stench on my wife. Now it's just me anything goes!

But I always have and do still clean up after myself.

@cookiedoughh Does your pig of a husband have any decent attributes?

You really need to raise you bar as it's on the ground!

Sorry for your loss 💐

FreshStar · 22/05/2024 00:25

Wake him up and get him to sort it out

MidnightMeltdown · 22/05/2024 00:51

If you want to stay with him then I'd recommend separate bedrooms. However, divorce would probably be better. I doubt that someone like this will improve.

Mmhmmn · 22/05/2024 00:58

Justbrowsing2024 · 21/05/2024 23:35

Tell your husband he needs to sort the kids and book into a hotel as soon as you can arrange it. Get some sleep.
Once you have slept speak to your husband and explain how he makes you feel and what needs to change.
Has he always been like this or has he become complacent

This. You need sleep and rest and he needs to give his head a wobble. Might give him the scare he needs. Tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to start using the fecking bog brush and cleaning up after himself. And not to leave shit on it as that’ll be the next thing. How is it some men are SO bloody useless?

Willywaitingforbreakfast · 22/05/2024 01:04

You deserve and CAN get better

Aquamarine1029 · 22/05/2024 01:25

Come on now, get a divorce already. You are currently choosing to stay with this dirty pig. Make another choice.

LoneGothInASeaOfBalaclavas · 22/05/2024 01:28

That's absolutely disgusting. Only you can make this stop. He clearly doesn't give a smelly unsprayed shit. I'd sleep on the sofa and start plotting how to get out of this vile situation.

lhlh · 22/05/2024 01:36

I’m quite easy going about men being a bit dirty, but shitting in an en-suite so that the whole bedroom reeks of shit is just gross. I wouldn’t want to smell the spray either - I’d want a window open in there at the very least. It’s seriously antisocial and the shitting should not be done in an en-suite if people are about to go to bed.

does he not understand that stinking out a sleeping area and preventing you from using the bathroom for contacts is serious dirty pig behaviour.

the wanking I’d turn a blind eye to as you are clearly not having sex due to him shitting everywhere and generally being repulsive. Doesn’t he understand what he’s doing to the marriage?

m00ngirl · 22/05/2024 01:37

What's wrong with everyone tonight?! I'm a committed LTB-er but plotting divorce over a shit is too drastic and not helpful to OP.

OP I feel your pain and hope so much you can get a peaceful nights sleep on fresh linen in fresh, crisp air!

I would have a sit down with him - make clear it's serious - and explain everything you've explained here and then explain some clear rules esp re shitting in en suite. You shouldnt have to I know but here we are. It's not just about stopping the negative things, it's also about bringing in positive things... is he sharing the burdens? Taking you out? Are you making time for each other?

Good luck

RogueFemale · 22/05/2024 01:49

m00ngirl · 22/05/2024 01:37

What's wrong with everyone tonight?! I'm a committed LTB-er but plotting divorce over a shit is too drastic and not helpful to OP.

OP I feel your pain and hope so much you can get a peaceful nights sleep on fresh linen in fresh, crisp air!

I would have a sit down with him - make clear it's serious - and explain everything you've explained here and then explain some clear rules esp re shitting in en suite. You shouldnt have to I know but here we are. It's not just about stopping the negative things, it's also about bringing in positive things... is he sharing the burdens? Taking you out? Are you making time for each other?

Good luck

I think when it gets to the point of feeling repulsed, that you can only get past that if both people are highly sexed. That isn't happening here. I can only see a slow slide to relationship doom.

setmestraightplease · 22/05/2024 02:16

@cookiedoughh What he's doing is not considerate at all.

You know it's not considerate ......... or acceptable.

Read back what you've written - if you read that on MN what would you advise the OP to do?

Then do it! x

Polishedshoesalways · 22/05/2024 05:32

Dh needs to look after the dc this weekend. Book a spa hotel and relax, sleep and eat and then decide if you are going to do to address the bigger issues in your marriage.

You have reached capacity.

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/05/2024 06:07

Am guessing that the smell of his Faeces overides the smell of his Cum soaked tissues 🤢

Couldn't live like this.. and his banging around in the room as you eventually try to sleep is massively disrespectful.

Velvian · 22/05/2024 06:38

I would absolutely not turn a blind eye to the wanking next to you in bed. That is quite disturbing behaviour. I have seen other threads on here when that escalates to women being sexually assaulted and raped in their sleep.

@cookiedoughh have you really forcefully explained to him that leaving you to clean up his shit and stealth wanking has got to tge point that the option open to you is leaving the marriage?

I would seriously think about ending the marriage ASAP. You don't have to live with him at all.

jeaux90 · 22/05/2024 06:49

Conversation goes like this:

I've had enough:

  1. when you have had a poo, use spray, open a window and clean the stains off the toilet
  2. please don't wank in bed next to me, knock one out in the shower. It's revolting having you do that in bed next to me
  3. go to the dr about your snoring
  4. I am not your personal support human, fix this shit otherwise it's over.

If nothing changes PDQ you know what to do.

Life2Short4Nonsense · 22/05/2024 06:51

m00ngirl · 22/05/2024 01:37

What's wrong with everyone tonight?! I'm a committed LTB-er but plotting divorce over a shit is too drastic and not helpful to OP.

OP I feel your pain and hope so much you can get a peaceful nights sleep on fresh linen in fresh, crisp air!

I would have a sit down with him - make clear it's serious - and explain everything you've explained here and then explain some clear rules esp re shitting in en suite. You shouldnt have to I know but here we are. It's not just about stopping the negative things, it's also about bringing in positive things... is he sharing the burdens? Taking you out? Are you making time for each other?

Good luck

It's more than just the stink, though. It's the shit stains in the toilet bowl, the wanking next to op in bed and the noise in the morning waking her up. He is just all around inconsiderate of his partner.

He is not acting like a partner to op and therefore doesn't deserve to be in a relationship.

Crepester · 22/05/2024 06:56

It's more than just the stink, though. It's the shit stains in the toilet bowl, the wanking next to op in bed and the noise in the morning waking her up.

Yes this sounds awful Op. I’m sorry 😣 and sleep deprivation is the worst. Hope you get some decent quality sleep today.

Agree with pp, I would definitely want to have a serious conversation about all this and make clear the impact it was having on me.