To think my best friend is taking the piss

[Findingthisweekhard]

Me best friends daughter and dd are in the same year at the same school. I have older and younger children too and she also has a 1 year old. She’s got a 1 year old and has recently gone back to work full time, her husband also works full time.
She has no formal childcare. She was due to use the same childminder as me but changed her mind last minute as they didn’t want to pay for it.
Now almost weekly she’s asking me to pick up her school age dd and have her after school until she finishes work. Last week I had a day annual leave with my young kids at the childminder as some much needed down time, the night before she messaged begging me to have her little one for the day as she had no other options and had to go in to the office (she does twice a week). I reluctantly agreed and it was awful. My chilled day wondering the shops and lunch with my sister turned in to me rocking a buggy for hours, eating my lunch stood up bouncing him and just generally miserable.
shes just messaged me again asking to do the school run and it’s given me absolute rage.
ive dropped my hours to part time and pay for wrap around childcare on my office days and a childminder for all my working hours so we have less disposable income but live within our means. She’s taking advantage of this, to their benefit of 2 full time salaries and no childcare costs.
she really is my best friend but this can’t go on, aibu to stop collecting her child from school when I’m there collecting mine anyway?

I know you are going to school anyway but I'd explain to her that you want your days off to spend with your kids

Why not ask her to do a formal swap? You’re happy to collect her DD on Mondays and Wednesdays and she does Tuesdays and Thursdays.

When she says no, then you can say, ah, ok, that’s fine. Never mind, hope you get things sorted.

Hopefully that will give you an out without ruining your friendship - even the C of CFs would struggle to try and get you to do something they’ve just refused to do themselves, surely?

And if she does say ‘I can’t but can you?’ then you can do the MN tinkly laugh and say, lol. Nice one! You’re so funny…

But there is also chance she may say yes. And I doubt she or her DH would be reliable to have OP's dc when they say they will. More likely the friend will call OP and beg her to help even on her days.

Best not go there.

OP, I think you need to tell her what you've told us - that you've dropped your hours to part time and that you pay for for wrap-around childcare on your office days and a childminder for all your working hours and you sacrifice having more income in order to do this to enable you to do the best for YOUR family. Not so that she can reap the benefits of 2 full time salaries and no childcare costs.

Just say no every time or ask to drop yours off at hers at 8 am every Sunday.

I’m angry at you for not saying NO! Grow a backbone!

I reluctantly agreed and it was awful.

Stop reluctantly agreeing-you’re making it worse. She’s taking the piss but you are letting her.

You are taking a financial hit by going part time whilst she goes full time and is paying into her pension and progressing her career. I’m sure she won’t be offering to give you some of her pension when she retires, so don’t give her free childcare now.

If she’s asking you for free childcare one day a week but isn’t using paid childcare, what’s she doing on the other 4 days?

Sounds like the friend works from home 3 days a week.

Is she working from home 3 days a week with a 1 year old there?!

If I was her boss, I’d be giving her notice.

I think that must be it, with some family help.

You have to talk to her, you can't carry on like this as she will keep asking you.

You're her friend not her childminder she has to sort herself out. I worked nights as i didn't have childcare (so husband took over after ) , I would never expect a friend to have my kids for me

If you wanted, you could say that next time she asks say that you can drop her DD off but you can't take care of her DD after school.
But basically she's just using you as unpaid childcare so I'd just say no

Ps I'm guessing she doesn't help you out?

It's on my list of things I'll never do.

Pay to go to Disney.
Pay to go to a destination wedding unless one of my own kids' wedding.
Spend my day off looking after someone else's child unless matter of life and death.

Just tell her the truth. This is going to affect your friendship either way so you may as well be honest.
You don't want to be her free childcare solution.

Hang on, so she refuses to pay child care and expects you to look after her child free of charge while your kids are in PAID care?
That's extreme CFery 😳 talk about brass neck!!

Whilst I think I’m a pretty decent, wholesome person, I have no qualms in telling white lies. So when your friend says ‘can you have the baby tomorrow?’ In my head I would think ‘No fucking way am I using my annual leave to babysit’ in reality I’d say ‘Oh, I can’t tomorrow I have the dentist and it’s this bloody wisdom tooth so it’s going to be a couple of hours. Hope you get it sorted. See you soon!’

When she wants you to pick her child up from school say ‘I can’t, me and DD are going straight from school to see my Mum’.

She’s taking the piss, so don’t feel bad about a bit of bullshit back! Every time she asks bat it back with some BS about dentists, family drama, DH’s work, swimming lessons. She’ll soon get the message.

Thanks all this was the kick up the bum I needed. The childcare on my day off should have been the last straw but I will message her tonight!

and yes on her non office days she “works from home” with her 13 month old and usually on her office days her husband has the baby whilst he “works from home”

Do let us know how she responds! 😊

I'd message her "Friend, I realised last week when I was due to have a much needed relaxing day with my sister and had paid to put my own DCs into childcare, that this current arrangement cannot continue.

I dropped my hours and salary to support school picks and drop offs and I pay for a CM when childcare is needed.

You may not realise it, but you have been using me and taking advantage of my good nature. I cannot do any more childcare for you, please do not upset me by asking."

But she DOES realise it! Of course she does. She's using the OP as much as she possibly can.

Nip this in the bud tonight

She's not a friend anymore, she's a user.

That’s really crap-it’s impossible to work properly from home whilst looking after a small child. I wouldn’t be surprised if they both end up sacked.

They’re neglecting their child by palming them off to others add hoc and ignoring them whilst working. It’s lazy shit entitled parenting and not someone I’d want to be friends with. Ditch her and stop being a mug.

This can't carry on. I can't believe you paid for childcare then ended up having to look after your friends child on your day off. And for free! She is hugely taking the piss. You could either tell her frankly that you feel she is taking advance of you and you're not doing this anymore. Or every time she asks just say 'I can't I'm afraid. ' Short, simple and no explanation needed.

As suggested earlier, she's gone from best friend to being a user. It truly is sad what money (or in this case saving a load of money) will do to people.

Get that message sent.