AIBU for thinking MIL has priorities wrong with her grandson ?

[blueyavocado]

I'm not keen on MIL baby sitting our 12 wk old son , but it's awkward as it's my partners mum and he wants her to play a role.

Me and MIL clearly have different parenting approaches , I respond to my baby sons cries or signals immediately and stop what I'm doing to attend to his needs. Whereas she said she would leave her boys to cry until she had finished what she had done.

Last week I had an appointment and she offered to watch baby for 30 mins. Before I left I encouraged her to sit on the sofa with snacks and have a good cuddle. When I got back 30 mins later he was in the Moses basket on the floor with a blanket dumped over him and she had been painting the back door!

This morning I had a pram to assemble so she offer to watch him fir 15 mins. He was in a playful mood and happily batting his toys on the mat as I made the pram. She cuddled him for 5 mins then took him upstairs to try and get him to nap. I went upstairs and found him in the bedside crib in a playful mood with a blanket chucked on him. She had gone to clean up what was already a clean kitchen. I explained that if he needs a nap to tuck his blankets.

AIBU to think she has her priorities wrong? Obviously things need cleaning but there's a time and a place and those precious baby cuddles won't be forever.

His grandad is completely different , he will happily sing to him and cuddle him

Well, good for you, but we're not all the same. I loved my DCs as babies but really struggled with the demands of parenting that age, especially the way they had to be with you ALL the time. At times (especially in the sling) they felt like millstones around my neck. The frustration was intense. Being able to get away for an hour or so while they napped was a life saver. I would have been a much worse parent without it.

A quick browse of the parenting forum here will show you I'm not the only one to feel that way.

I’m not asking this to cause argument, I’m genuinely interested as I have a 9 week old - do the majority stay with sleeping baby the whole time? Eg when baby starts going to bed at 7/8pm staying upstairs in the bedroom with them? Baby comes upstairs when I go to bed now but his bedtime is getting earlier!

You made my point - we are all different. We should trust each mother to read and understand the guidance and the risks and make the right decisions according to what is best for her baby, her and her family.
A quick read of this forum will also show you that I’m not the only one to feel this way also.

I personally did - I would actually go up an hour earlier while DH had him downstairs and chill out for a bit. He would bring him up to me (we co-slept) and I would watch TV with headphones on while he slept next to me. I didn’t mind doing this at all but it might not work for you.

My babies were all left while I got on with necessary stuff. They are part of a family, not the whole centre of attention - life has to go on around them. As long as the baby is safe, that is all that really matters - they do not need attention 100% of the time.

If you have a concern about how the blanket is put on then you should voice it politely, but I see no other cause for complaint. Cut the poor woman a bit of slack!

Your baby doesn't have to be cuddled every waking minute. When you have other children and toddlers to deal with you'll realise that they are perfectly happy without your constant attention

I don't think shes done anything wrong. Its natural to be over-cautious with your baby but you need to relax a little

Personally we just kept the baby downstairs until we went to bed. They napped on us or in a moses basket in the living room. Both of them were massive cluster feeders anyway so spent a lot of the evening feeding.

Of course not saying that's the right way but it was the way we did it as a family.

Then why denigrate the posters who are not of the same mind as you as "ridiculous"?

Ok so if you have a baby, you’re supposed to cuddle them whenever they are awake. And whenever they are asleep you are to be in same room watching them.

when are you supposed to do normal and necessary stuff like tidying and cleaning, showering and washing and drying and styling hair, cooking and exercising?!

I didn’t

@LuckySantangelo35 you don’t need to be watching them, when they are asleep. You can do things whilst they are in the room with you.

OP do you live with your MIL?

We just kept them downstairs with us for the first 6 ish months. They didn’t really have a proper bedtime then anyway as depended on when they napped.

Oh Jesus. She's raised multiple children (you refer to her "boys") yet you said to her

"Before I left I encouraged her to sit on the sofa with snacks and have a good cuddle."

I bet she really appreciated that!!! OP she's not a teenager. She clearly knows how to look after children. In future I would be grateful to have childcare and - assuming the baby is safe and warm? - keep my mouth shut on how she spends her time with baby.

@Starlight1979 my MIL raised 2 DC but she still refused to believe our DC had a dairy allergy and wanted to give them rusks in a bottle at 6 weeks

Granny might mean well but times change as does advice. Remember cot deaths, mothers used to get arrested, thankfully today we have a better understanding because of science.

I listen to my daughters, breastfeeding, weaning, it's all different now. To dig in your heels is not wise if you want to be welcomed into their home

I don't remember people being arrested for cot deaths in the 90s

Breastfeeding has always been the same

I'm not sure what's changed in weaning between my kids and grandkids either tbh

What does keep changing is the stuff you are meant to eat,/ not eat during pregnancy. With my eldest was told to eat liver, 2nd one ( 3 years later) avoid liver and eat tuna for brain development. 3rd one don't eat too much tuna due to high mercury levels. When the guidelines change every couple of years no wonder it's hard to keep up

Guidelines change when better/new evidence comes to light. That’s why they always evolve. You only need to keep up with latest guidance if you have a baby or are looking after one.

@blueyavocado

maybe she didn’t wanna sit on the sofa with snacks? I wouldn’t. I like to be active

What?!

That's what I mean! If someone asked me to babysit their child and then told me I should go and sit on the sofa with snacks and cuddle them I would tell them to fuck right off 😂You either trust me to look after your baby or you don't!

Its a 12 week old baby, surely you didn't leave your 12 week old laid down alone the majority of the day?
Quite sad that you'd think it's normal to be bored after just an hour holding them.

Out of interest how did you balance the guidance that baby is best in their own sleep space with co sleeping (which says if you absolutely must a firm surface....so mattress isn't that firm,) no duvets as they are much more likely to cover baby when your both asleep....but follow must be with an adult at all times placed with blankets tucked under arms etc? What made some guidelines more important than others?

I had a next to me crib for the first few months and then brought him in to bed with me after that. Then I wore quite thick pyjamas, he was in a sleep suit and so I didn’t need a quilt or blanket etc

Just an hour Sat on my backside doing nothing? Id have gone stir crazy tbh. Can't sit and watch a film due to same inability lol

Mine had the baby bouncer chairs at that age. They could see me ( and siblings) but I wasn't trapped holding them