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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

164 replies

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:25

We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

OP posts:
TheIceQween · 21/05/2024 11:30

The £200 upgrade should be split 3 ways IMO. You all split the whole holiday cost initially and it was t your fault your room was booked incorrectly

Wizardcalledoz · 21/05/2024 11:31

Does a 1 bed really suit anyway - teenager will be woken up at ridiculous o'clock when the toddler is awake and ready to start the day?

I would be massively pissed off though, and hate the whole thing of sharing costs in general. I would use this as a reason to never go on an awful shared family holiday again. Can you cancel - there will be bad feeling all round now no matter how this is settled

SiobhanSharpe · 21/05/2024 11:32

You're definitely not unreasonable, the arrangements as they are seem very unfair.
But it might be difficult to apportion blame for the mix up or get anyone else to compensate you.
Unfortunately and with that in mind I think I'd just suck it up and pay the extra myself for the upgrade. Annoying but at least you'd get accommodation that is suitable.
And never let them book another holiday for you

thanKyouaIMee · 21/05/2024 11:32

I mean I'd be making them pay for the upgrade if you've split the cost equally and they've got a duplex hotel room and you've got a studio 😂

And never holiday with them again!!

AmongThePurpleHeather · 21/05/2024 11:33

I wouldn’t be happy with that tbh but I’d pay the £200 myself and if there was ever another family holiday I’d be doing the booking. It sounds a very unfair split if your BIL is in a 2 bed apartment, your family is going to be in a one bed apartment and your PIL in a studio, it’s the PIL that are probably paying ££££ over what they should be. Your DH was stupid to agree in the first place tbh.

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:33

@TheIceQween But my MIL booked the rooms with a travel agent who specifically said we have a 1 bed apartment, so I don’t feel like we could have done anything else in this situation/it was our fault the incorrect room was booked? Unless we booked the holiday separately from everyone else going.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/05/2024 11:33

It sounds like you need a two bed not a one bed
Why should everyone pay towards your upgrade?

atlaz · 21/05/2024 11:35

If you are splitting the costs evenly I'd expect a duplex room , the same as your BIL

Pogointospring · 21/05/2024 11:35

I can’t understand why you agreed to split the cost like this in the first place. I could understand a parent subsidising their children and grandchildren to holiday with them, but why is your family subsidising your brother in laws family?! In my family we’d all just pay for our own accommodation units (and probably book each one separately too) - I’d be embarrassed if I was your brother in law to be effectively sponging off my sibling.

Yes, in theory given you’ve agreed to split three ways they should reimburse you. But I’d personally chalk it up to experience and then never go on a similar holiday again. Whole thing sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen if you’re already arguing with each other about who’s unreasonable.

TakeOnFlea · 21/05/2024 11:35

"Why should everyone pay towards your upgrade?"

Because they were splitting the cost 3 ways and their unsuitable room was booked incorrectly. The original cost should've been more.

CovertPiggery · 21/05/2024 11:36

thanKyouaIMee · 21/05/2024 11:32

I mean I'd be making them pay for the upgrade if you've split the cost equally and they've got a duplex hotel room and you've got a studio 😂

And never holiday with them again!!

This.

You've basically paid an extra £1200 so BIL and SIL can have a fancy room. They're taking the right piss.

Revelatio · 21/05/2024 11:36

You should have the same sized room if you’re splitting the costs evenly. Why on earth would you agree to this? I can’t imagine having a one bed with two children. We only have one child and have always got a 2 bed. I would expect a three bed if I had two children.

GuppytheCat · 21/05/2024 11:37

So... you're paying £200 more than them, to have a lower quality of accommodation?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 21/05/2024 11:37

Don't sign up for someone else to book your hard earned holiday, especially if they are bloody clueless. I mean, why?!

CovertPiggery · 21/05/2024 11:37

CovertPiggery · 21/05/2024 11:36

This.

You've basically paid an extra £1200 so BIL and SIL can have a fancy room. They're taking the right piss.

In fact, I'd message them and ask if they think it's fair that you pay £1200 more than your room is worth.

If they have any decency, they'd be embarrassed and reimburse you.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 21/05/2024 11:37

Have SIL and BIL saved £1200 off the price off of their room then? How have they ended up with a 2 bed but a 1 bed is suitable for you with a teen and a baby?

Your MILs friend doesn't sound like a very good travel agent

SiobhanSharpe · 21/05/2024 11:38

It is definitely not your fault and you could try to share the extra costs between the whole party. But as another poster pointed out your PILs are also getting a bad deal while your BIL is basking in his spacious duplex apartment.
So getting the PILs to pay more might be seen as a tad unreasonable. Will your BIL agree to pay half the cost (£100) of the upgrade that you really do need?
If so I'd settle for that.

Mogzillah · 21/05/2024 11:38

Does the £200 upgrade get you the same set up as BIL?

AmongThePurpleHeather · 21/05/2024 11:39

CovertPiggery · 21/05/2024 11:37

In fact, I'd message them and ask if they think it's fair that you pay £1200 more than your room is worth.

If they have any decency, they'd be embarrassed and reimburse you.

I actually missed this part when initially posted. I agree with @CovertPiggery and would be asking the question.

Edited to add the PIL are being fleeced imo. They’re only in a studio with no kids yet are paying 1/3 of the holiday? I’d be embarrassed to expect that of my PIL.

Snugglemonkey · 21/05/2024 11:39

atlaz · 21/05/2024 11:35

If you are splitting the costs evenly I'd expect a duplex room , the same as your BIL

Me too. It sounds much more appropriate for your family. I would say that either everyone the extra fir this.

SiobhanSharpe · 21/05/2024 11:40

And please don't agree on an equal split of costs for unequal party sizes in future.
That goes for spending money while on the holiday too, if you have a kitty or similar.

GaryLurcher19 · 21/05/2024 11:41

atlaz · 21/05/2024 11:35

If you are splitting the costs evenly I'd expect a duplex room , the same as your BIL

This. I'd say 'we get upgraded to the same as BIL and SIL or we are not going and want our money back'.

Imagine how the holiday will be if the room does cause your DC to have problems. Resentment will make the whole thing insufferable.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/05/2024 11:44

You're not wrong, but the people who have the absolute worst deal is the in-laws. You're in the middle in terms of splitting the costs 3 ways.
I don't know how your finances are, but consider if this is worth causing a rift for before you even set off- not that you're wrong btw, just - is it worth it.

CovertPiggery · 21/05/2024 11:48

AmongThePurpleHeather · 21/05/2024 11:39

I actually missed this part when initially posted. I agree with @CovertPiggery and would be asking the question.

Edited to add the PIL are being fleeced imo. They’re only in a studio with no kids yet are paying 1/3 of the holiday? I’d be embarrassed to expect that of my PIL.

Edited

Good point.

BIL/SIL should be embarrassed!

Mothership4two · 21/05/2024 11:50

I assume their two bed apartment is £1000 superior to your upgrade? In this situation, if I were BIL or SIL, I would pay the £200 outright for you - as accommodation is unbalanced and unfair in their favour.

In your shoes I would have to raise the discrepancy although this should have been done at the start. You should both have had the same type of accommodation and then it would have been up to MIL/FIL whether or not they were happy to split three ways or pay a bit less.

Don't let any of them book for you in future.