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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

164 replies

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:25

We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 21/05/2024 17:14

@RedJamBiscuits - I have to say I agree with @AmongThePurpleHeather when they wrote "I wouldn’t be happy with that tbh but I’d pay the £200 myself and if there was ever another family holiday I’d be doing the booking" except that in future, I'd be finding out all of the details of the holiday and making my own booking for the area that the holiday is in (not necessarily staying in the same hotel/villa complex as the inlaws) or I just would go on a separate holiday to a completely different location entirely.

spannered · 21/05/2024 17:16

GardenGnomeDefender · 21/05/2024 16:50

Why are costs split evenly when you have different accommodation? You should only have split costs if you all have exactly the same priced rooms.

You need a two bed like BIL or your money back. I would kick up a huge fuss about this and threaten NC as they're just taking your money. Not acceptable.

We always split this way when going away with either of our families. We split the price between all the adults so essentially subsidise the family with more kids, and are subsidised by family with no kids. Sometimes the family with more kids need different accommodation to suit their needs. This has never been a problem for anyone!

wombat15 · 21/05/2024 17:25

Weird to spilt costs according to adults if the fact that people have children means they need more rooms. It's not like you are sharing a house and have to pay for it as one lump sum. You could have all paid for the actual costs of accommodation and flights.

MouseMama · 21/05/2024 17:29

You shouldn’t be paying more than everyone for a middling level room while BIL/SIL pay less and get the better room. I’d just say to them either the £200 is split three ways OR everyone just pays the cost of their own rooms so you’re not left out of pocket. If they hold your cash to ransom I’d (assuming you can’t cancel and leave them to it) I’d just suck it up but not bother with Christmas presents for them for a few years and send them a Christmas card saying you hope they enjoyed you treating them on holiday.

Morningcrows · 21/05/2024 17:38

I personally would only want to pay for what I had booked. Why should you subsidise BIL family? Money needs to be re calculated and each pay for own apartment.

Mnetcurious · 21/05/2024 17:46

No way is this fair. Your BIL pays the same but gets so much more in terms of space/rooms?! This needs to be pointed out and yanbu to be unhappy about it.

LAMPS1 · 21/05/2024 18:09

Seems that you are subsidising BIL/SIL and their family to some extent, as is MIL.
So yes I feel that is unfair as it isn’t actually splitting the cost 3 ways.
The extra £200 should be split 3 ways as the total for accommodation has increased by that amount.

Noseybookworm · 21/05/2024 19:08

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:25

Okay update! And thank you everyone for their responses.

DD is totally happy sleeping in the living room. She often does this when we go to visit her other grandparents and she thinks it’s fun 😂 for some reason loves the whole sleeping in the living room thing. The 2 bedroom would have been better for us but honestly we have two weddings (both which require 2 days of overnight stays 🫠) in the run up to this holiday, so we don’t have the extra money to fork out on the even bigger room. We’ve also just bought a new house so just do not have the savings sat!

When we called to upgrade it’s been £300 extra for the 1 bed apartment, so we have just paid for it. DH is going to speak to FIL and BIL to ask that we all pay £100 each as it’s only fair considering everything else has been split. It’s All Inclusive so don’t need to worry about a kitty when we go away (though I absolutely wouldn’t be partaking in that anyway as they are all big drinkers while we are not, and obviously I can’t drink anyway!). That and (again) less mouths to feed on our end than BIL.

Thanks for putting my mind at ease that I wasn’t feeling fleeced for no reason! 🩷 and yes…nobody is every booking a holiday on my behalf again 🤣

Well done OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable but lesson learned, you do the planning and booking next time! Try not to let any lingering resentment ruin your holiday (difficult, I know!) and sour family relationships. We had a disastrous holiday with DHs brother and his wife once & I just got through it with gritted teeth and fake cheerfulness and resolved never to go away with them again!

Mynewnameis · 21/05/2024 19:10

I wouldn't go without a suitable room. 2 bedroom

mrsm43s · 21/05/2024 19:16

LAMPS1 · 21/05/2024 18:09

Seems that you are subsidising BIL/SIL and their family to some extent, as is MIL.
So yes I feel that is unfair as it isn’t actually splitting the cost 3 ways.
The extra £200 should be split 3 ways as the total for accommodation has increased by that amount.

If the correct accommodation had been booked and total cost split (or if the original cost plus upgrade cost is split), then OP isn't subsidising BIL. OP's family is a third of the people going, and they are paying a third of the cost. PIL are heavily subsidising BIL and are the ones losing out. I don't think I could ask them to pay more. This is what makes it awkward. If OP asks PIL for more money, they'd be asking the people who are already paying far more than their fair share to shell out still more. If anyone should share the cost with them its BIL.

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/05/2024 19:41

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 14:31

@Peaceandquietandacuppa It is a good bit less! We priced it up yesterday after realising what had happened and ended up really annoyed 😂 had it been sorted originally, we could have had a 2 bed duplex for £200 less than what we’ve paid for the bloody studio (due to the fact infant is free and there are just 3 of us paying full price in our room!)

Edited

When we go on family trips like this (which we have quite regularly) we do just this, we decide where to go and everyone books their own room in that hotel.

We went on a trip last year to Disneyland and we wanted to stay in a nicer hotel that nobody else was fussed about, so we did and they stayed in a different and it worked out fine, so definitely suggest that next time....sounds like your BIL and SIL got a cracker of a deal here!

Soulstirring · 21/05/2024 19:47

Offer to Swap rooms with BIL and see how that is received

Panicking23 · 21/05/2024 19:58

I think if the correct room had been booked, then you'd still be benefitting from splitting as MIL & FIL are subsidising both couples with kids. I think you're misplacing blame on MIL here, she was also under the impression you had a 1 bedroom apartment from what you've said so I don't think she owes you an apology. Remember the price you're finding for the holiday now wukdnt necessarily be the price you'd have found if you looked when it was booked too.
By all means, ask to split the extra but don't think you should be feeling "fleeced". BIL would really only be paying for 1 extra child place compared to you going off the ages of the kids, as its usually 1 free child under 12 place and with PIL paying a third you're still benefitting overall on the price the holiday was booked for.

Original poster
RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 20:09

Panicking23 · 21/05/2024 19:58

I think if the correct room had been booked, then you'd still be benefitting from splitting as MIL & FIL are subsidising both couples with kids. I think you're misplacing blame on MIL here, she was also under the impression you had a 1 bedroom apartment from what you've said so I don't think she owes you an apology. Remember the price you're finding for the holiday now wukdnt necessarily be the price you'd have found if you looked when it was booked too.
By all means, ask to split the extra but don't think you should be feeling "fleeced". BIL would really only be paying for 1 extra child place compared to you going off the ages of the kids, as its usually 1 free child under 12 place and with PIL paying a third you're still benefitting overall on the price the holiday was booked for.

Unfortunately the free child spaces were gone when we booked, so no they haven’t benefitted from that/aren’t only paying for one extra child. The holiday is just over £900pp (adults and kids, apart from infant who is free as only 1). We paid £3000 per family, so technically if you split that cost between the paying guests he will have saved about £1800 (minimum, as their room
should be more expensive) and we’ll have paid £300 extra, which isn’t a huge amount but now that the room upgrade has gone through we’ve paid £600 extra. PIL wanted to split the cost in three for ease, and also as they’re retired / really aren’t worried about money and spend most of their time abroad on holiday. I think they thought it would be a nice thing to do (which it is! But we would never have put that option forward personally - think it works out better if everyone just pays their own way) I very much appreciate that they are the ones who will be missing out on the “most” money wise. We’d have been more than happy to pay the £3000 if we had been in a semi-suitable room, but not the studio we were given, which is why we’re feeling fleeced when they’ve ended up in a bloody villa (essentially) for the same price 😂

OP posts:
NDmumoftwo · 21/05/2024 20:27

Your brother and sister in law should really be paying the upgrade... given they've essentially paid less than their share

Mumof2girls2121 · 21/05/2024 20:41

I wouldn’t go, wouldn’t pay it and id kick up a fuss. In-laws who’d have them ffs

Dibbydoos · 21/05/2024 21:29

Your BIL should pay it tbf, he and his family have made a killing off you and your in laws...

PrinnyPree · 21/05/2024 21:43

Yeah fuck that you've basically subsidised BILs holiday he should be paying for the upgrade and be bloody sheepishly thankful since he's still made a bloody killing, cheeky bastard.

Perhaps suggest he has the studio and you have the 2 bed since its all even stevens and he thinks all the rooms are equal.

Justgorgeous · 21/05/2024 21:43

You need a 2 bed, not a studio or a 1 bed !

Cicciabella · 21/05/2024 21:56

Sounds like a shit holiday .?..why go away with family and be uncomfortable??

rookiemere · 21/05/2024 22:06

I think part of your mistake is calling this an upgrade. What it actually is is the room type you were assured you were getting when agreeing the up front price for booking. Ask the others if they seriously think the four of you should share a studio for the same cost as a 2 bed duplex.

PerfectTravelTote · 21/05/2024 22:19

What it boils down to is that you're all subsidising your bils holiday. I bet he planted the seed for your pil to think it was their idea.

Don't fall for that one again!

Apollo365 · 21/05/2024 22:29

This whole thing is batshit and where is your teen sleeping? Assuming it’s the one bedroom or what a shit holiday for them.

Apollo365 · 21/05/2024 22:32

Ok ignore me just caught up that she’s ok on the sofa bed.
I’m fuming for you though OP!

Goldiefinch · 21/05/2024 22:47

why weren’t you booked the same type of accomodation as BILs family in the first place? If you’re all paying equal then you should get equal. Sounds like you’re subsidising BILs hotel room by staying in cheaper room but paying the same.
you either pay for your own hotel rooms/ flights yourselves (and then if you want a cheaper room that’s your choice) or you all pay the same and get the same.

We had a big family hol like this - all paid equal. What we received in accomodation was not. Accomodation was allocated by MIL - DH and I got by far the worst accommodation because we don’t have kids (doesn’t mean I don’t want a nice room when I’ve subsidised theirs!). I’ve vowed never to go away with them again.