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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

164 replies

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:25

We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

OP posts:
trockodile · 21/05/2024 11:57

Just tell that that in light of all the confusion you’ve realised it makes more sense for everyone to pay their own costs. Hard to argue surely?

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:57

To clarify as well - PIL were the ones who suggested splitting three ways, so I agree that they are overpaying but they are retired and sitting on a good bit of money, so think they wanted to do something nice by paying a bit extra. That wasn’t my suggestion.

But yes, A) will never be letting anyone book a holiday on my behalf again and B) will never be splitting cost again.

Also - this is why I never like using travel agents as have had too many rubbish experiences 😂

OP posts:
RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 11:57

Also, reason we can’t just pull out is because whole holiday is now paid so we’d literally lose all the money we have spent which is not doable.

OP posts:
atlaz · 21/05/2024 12:01

I agree that the parents get the worst deal but I think it's less unusual for parents to chip in extra on a joint holiday than a sibling to subsidize another sibling.

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/05/2024 12:06

Shoxfordian · 21/05/2024 11:33

It sounds like you need a two bed not a one bed
Why should everyone pay towards your upgrade?

Because the costs are being spit evenly, and they're paying for BILs three rooms.

Solpa · 21/05/2024 12:09

I think you need a two bedroom apartment never mind a one bed or a studio. The whole holiday cost will be revised and everyone pays a share of the extra.
Too late now but I would never have agreed to this without seeing exactly what I was getting.
Some people are happy to squeeze the whole family into one room to save money but that's no holiday imo. Even w
hen DC were tiny I booked two bedroom apartments with separate living area.

friendlycat · 21/05/2024 12:35

Realistically, you need a two bedroom apartment like BIL. That's what I would be changing it to.

Obviously, the finances should be readjusted accordingly but it doesn't sound as though they will. I don't think this is going to make for a harmonious holiday when you see the space that BIL and his family have.

FloofyBear · 21/05/2024 12:41

Suggest your BIL has your apartment if he's happy it's all even (not!)
I also agree you need two bedrooms, otherwise the Lounge will be needed when the teenager is needing to sleep - I'm never really that organised but always want to check what the lay out is for our accommodation
Good luck!

JJathome · 21/05/2024 12:46

I can’t imagine I’d fall out over 120 quid. I mean yes it’s a bit shit you’re paying 200 more than the others but for family harmony I’d be ok with it.

FiveTreeHill · 21/05/2024 12:47

If your paying 1200 more than your room is worth then BIL apartment is 3600 more than a studio? That's insanity

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 12:49

arethereanyleftatall · 21/05/2024 11:44

You're not wrong, but the people who have the absolute worst deal is the in-laws. You're in the middle in terms of splitting the costs 3 ways.
I don't know how your finances are, but consider if this is worth causing a rift for before you even set off- not that you're wrong btw, just - is it worth it.

They don’t though, because their studio is a comfortable room for two adults. So it’s not less convenient than a one bed apt with two adults, a baby and teen.

MrsElsa · 21/05/2024 12:51

This is nuts. I have never heard of anyone splitting costs evenly when what they purchased isn't even!!!!

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 12:51

Reply back: we will pay the upgrade to 1 bed apt, and teen can sleep in with his cousins.

WaltzingWaters · 21/05/2024 13:00

atlaz · 21/05/2024 11:35

If you are splitting the costs evenly I'd expect a duplex room , the same as your BIL

This. Seems very unfair that they have that and you have a studio (even if it was supposed to be a 1bedroom apartment) and you all paid the same. BIL should certainly be contributing to the upgrade.

Do not holiday with them again, or sort your own accommodation if you do.

JJathome · 21/05/2024 13:04

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 12:51

Reply back: we will pay the upgrade to 1 bed apt, and teen can sleep in with his cousins.

A masterclass on how to weaponise your own kid. She’s a 13 year old girl, highly likely she doesn’t wish to sleep with her cousins, I expect it’s difficult enough for her with a new sibling and another on the way.

YorkNew · 21/05/2024 13:05

I’d switch to the two bedroom
apartment then add all three rooms, it’s probably similar price to what you’ve actually paid.

RedJamBiscuits · 21/05/2024 13:07

Yes, though I believe it won’t just be room price it’ll be because there are 5 full paying people on the room, whereas there are 3 of us (infant goes free) x

OP posts:
YorkNew · 21/05/2024 13:09

How much have you paid and how much is the stdio, one bedroom and two bedroom
apartment for your family?

AllotmentTime · 21/05/2024 13:15

Reply back and say yes okay we realise it isn't fair to ask you guys to pay for our upgrade. It's better if we all pay for our own rooms, so let's reallocate so that everyone is paying for their own rooms. Then we can upgrade without asking you guys to pay for us.

.... then once they've agreed, BIL will owe you ££££ which you can easily use to upgrade!!

SharedAccountWithMySister · 21/05/2024 13:16

So you’ve paid a third of BILs 2 bed and he doesn’t want to pay a third of your 1 bed?

Bumblebeeinatree · 21/05/2024 13:19

Book yourselves a two bed and everyone should pay for their own accommodation. How could anyone think this was fair. MIL drew the shortest straw, BIL won by a lot and you are paying a lot for something that isn't even suitable.

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 13:20

JJathome · 21/05/2024 13:04

A masterclass on how to weaponise your own kid. She’s a 13 year old girl, highly likely she doesn’t wish to sleep with her cousins, I expect it’s difficult enough for her with a new sibling and another on the way.

Are you kidding? For us growing up, for our kids and all their cousins I know well, this would be a massive treat!! Not for the parents though 😁

Quitelikeit · 21/05/2024 13:23

Gosh so it is really only BiL who has benefitted from this three way split?!

He should cover your upgrade!

Is the eldest child your DHs? Or only the baby?

Im not sure how you can say your in-laws paid for you if you split the cost 3 ways

Doteycat · 21/05/2024 13:23

Nope.
Bil should pay for your upgrade.
And then swop so you have the 2 bed.
Anything else and id cancel the holiday.

Doteycat · 21/05/2024 13:24

Codlingmoths · 21/05/2024 13:20

Are you kidding? For us growing up, for our kids and all their cousins I know well, this would be a massive treat!! Not for the parents though 😁

Absolute nightmare for my dd at that age. No way would she agree to it and i wouldnt have asked her to.