To expect rest of family to chip in for our room upgrade?

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We are going away for a family holiday (myself who is heavily pregnant, DH, DD 13, DS 1) with my DH’s family (in one room MIL & FIL, in another room BIL, SIL, 2 nieces both 5 and nephew 12, and us in our own room). MIL sorted the booking out with her TA friend, and assured us we all had appropriate rooms. She said her TA knew we needed a one bedroom apt with a sofa bed in the living room, seeing as we have an infant and a teen - both who are obviously on wildly different sleeping patterns, and baby still gets up during night as well as getting up at 6 on the dot every AM. And of course baby goes to sleep much earlier than all of us in general, so want to make sure we don’t disturb him while we are sat on our balcony at night too.

DH agreed to just split the cost of the holiday in three, even though tbh I didn’t feel that was very fair considering we only have one child to pay for and BIL has 3. Either way, it was agreed to and done.

Fast forward to now and I was doing my own digging in to the holiday and what it is going to be like as I like to be prepared. I have never let anyone book a holiday for us before and I’m the kind of weirdo who takes a folder so I know everything is correct and booked and in control 🤣 I realised that what Jet2 call a standard room is actually a STUDIO. We have 1 door in to the room, a double bed next to a single bed, a bit of room next to that for a cot, and then a door out to the balcony. That’s it. I freak out to DH because we’ve paid thousands of pounds for a studio for a week when there are four of us, while BIL has a 2 bedroom, 2 floor apartment with a separate living room and a terrace/garden. Bear in mind again that we split the cost evenly. I wasn’t looking for a big luxurious apartment but didn’t think for a second we’d have a room that actually costs over £1200 less to book up front.

Phoned travel agents straight away and someone confirmed we were indeed in a studio, not a 1 bed apartment, and that she didn’t personally feel it was suitable for us as a family either. Priced me £200 roughly to upgrade to a 1 bedroom. Annoying but just happy problem can be fixed and for a semi reasonable price! Though…booking was mis sold in the first place, but I can’t be bothered getting into those politics now. Got in touch with MIL as she is lead booker so needs to message them to give person for me to change the room. She says this TA is wrong and her friend definitely booked us a 1 bed apartment as a studio isn’t suitable for us as a family. Long story short, her friend has now confirmed today that we are in a studio. I’ve not had an apology or a Oopsy or anything, now just backpedaling and excuses on why we don’t need a 1 bed (????). MIL and FIL are two adults and are literally booked into the same room type as us.

ANYWAY, husband is now also very unhappy with the situation. He is adamant that because we agreed to split the cost (thinking we were receiving something fair on our end) that rest of family should now cover the cost of our upgrade. I agree. Everybody thinks WE are being unreasonable. Are we being stupid here??? Are we the unreasonable ones, taking everything into account?

Your PiL have tried to do a nice thing, suggesting splitting the holiday cost three ways, but what has actually happened is that they and your family are both subsidising BiL. If BiL hasn't realised this he's a bit thick.

Because they paid towards the other room upgrades initially when they thought they’d been sold a suitable room.

Came here to say this. For the sake of peace, suck it up but never , ever let someone book for you again. Double check you are going to get the apartment as well.

Me too, the lingering resentment would be too much. Fair is fair! BIL’s family haven’t half won this one 😒

I’d be asking for a look at the booking confirmation. I wouldn’t pay a penny more than was due. Life is expensive enough with kids. I have five. People willing to have multiple kids need to take holidays etc into account when family planning! Sounds like BIL won the holiday lottery with this one…….they saved a fortune (£1500?). I’d also be annoyed that PIL were subsidising their holiday and not yours and that’s without you paying extra. To be fair I’d tell them all to fuck off, a £9000 holiday. Even saying to each adult to pay £1250 each and they’d take care of the rest would still be too fair to BIL family!

Not unreasonable.
I would never agree to split evenly if everything is not even in the first place. I'm puzzled that people do this with restaurant meals, too. Each person pays for what they consume/use and no one will feel bad about it.

I didn't think this holiday is going to go well.

You absolutely should not be paying £200 more than them to go on holiday with 1 child (and a free baby) when they have 3 children and better accommodation. The price for their better room was split 3 ways. The price for your worse room should also be split 3 ways. It doesn't bode well that you have to fight for the money.

Subsidise another sibling without being asked if they want to do that beforehand. I'm suspicious of both them and side-eying the MIL because she was the one who suggested this split and the one whose friend arranged the booking - insisting against all evidence that they didn't arrange it this way to begin with.

I would be livid! Speaking as a control freak!

I'd not be going on said holiday. Sounds a nightmare

Definitely NOT being unreasonable, but I also definitely would NOT have allowed someone else to book my holiday for me, I would have said no thank you, I'll sort it out myself.

That,

Who need a TA friend when you have folders 😁.

Good job you checked! It would've been fairer if everyone paid for their own board costs, that's what we do. Yes they should contribute. Never easy going away in a big group. Lovely you're all going away together though, wish we had done this. Xx

Surely to split the costs evenly it should have been based on price per person (infant free)

regardless if f BIL and SIL aren't happy to pay for your upgrade they won't mind swapping with you or letting your oldest sleep in their room?
Of course a studio room is not suitable for you, would a 1 bedroom still be suitable?

I'd be telling your in-laws either they and Your SiL family share this additional cost or you are cancelling the holiday as this was not what you asked for or were told you'd get.

This

Seems ridiculous that you all agreed to split!! Even if you had the same room types, you have 3 peoples flights to pay for (assuming the 1YO is on lap) and they have 5 peoples flights

At this point I’d be asking for my money back and booking it myself after realising I’m paying for someone else’s holiday

I would refuse to pay an admin fee when they booked the wrong room!

Of course you shouldn’t pay the extra but you also should never have split the costs evenly in the first place. Good luck

I don’t understand why people don’t just pay for ye apartment they have. I don’t understand why costs are divided evenly when everyone needs/has something different. Obviously I can understand the “joint pot” for daily expenses and stuff but for pre-booked individually priced rooms, I don’t understand why each family isn’t just paying for themselves.

I'm guessing this will be the last time you let anyone book your holiday?

Mistake no.1 - You didn't do your research before agreeing to the holiday or the costs.

Come on. I'm exactly like you. Probably worse. I research everything down to the last detail, including taxi fares and train timetables and google maps. I'm so anal, we don't even do package holidays anymore - because I can find better accommodation at better prices, cheapest travel fares, and maybe because we have a solo last adult teenager, and I'm not paying double for a hotel room for her, however delightful she is. You'd be amazed at what options are out there.

Mistake no.2 - About to fall out with your husband's family.

At some point you were going along with the herd. You agreed to cough up money.

Some idiots think if you're somewhere sunny with a pool, all else can be overlooked with rose-coloured glasses. They're idiots.

Obviously BIL has firmly set down his standards. Because MIL has catered the whole holiday around his needs.

It's not entirely about the holiday. You're pregnant and no one has even considered your needs.

I would have planned the entire holiday around you being pregnant and looked into the insurance details and local hospitals.

But, you have three options.

1. Withdraw from the holiday and lose your deposit - or the cost of amending the booking. Being pregnant is your get out of jail free card.
2. Choose to independently pay for accommodation more suited to your needs and re-join the family - They'll never again propose anything that does not include your evaluation and sign off.
3. Fall out with everyone.

I'd put it all down to mum and dad wanting the whole family together, the umbrella of cost, the known gripes and standards from BIL and the fairy dust dream of everyone being happy together in the sunshine.

But if you are like me - I'd make sure every future family holiday is planned and booked by me.

Hint. I always tell people up front the pluses and negatives. I cater for the needs, hobbies and wants of every single person. If it's more than 7 days, I usually book two accommodations. Sometimes that's top-end luxury combined with low-cost self-catering and sometimes it's based on locations. But when people know part of the planning is around them, they're a lot more enthusiastic about all the planning around everyone else.

Your and husband's major gripe is probably no one considered the impact on you, being pregnant. It's almost like this next grandchild is unimportant.

Retired senior travel executive here.

Do you have any proof that your mil definitely requested the 1 bedroomed apt. for your family because, if so, this is the agent's error and therefore the agent should be covering the cost of her mistake.

How experienced/qualified is this "Travel agent friend"? I am increasingly exasperated by these companies who are now taking on just anyone with no qualifications to, "Sell holidays".🙄 Dear God, how I often wished that was all there was to it. In my day you had to sit loads of exams, hold a knowledge of at least one other European language and work in an ABTA bonded travel agency for 2 years - during which time you had to be supervised with any action - to become qualified. The job itself was far more complicated than just selling holidays.🙄 Try repatriating clients stuck all over the globe due to an ash cloud just as one very small example. Believe me, outlandish/distressing things happen on a daily basis totally outside the agents' control but we need the expertise to sort it.

Sounds to me like this friend may be one of these new "Hobby" travel agents or she is extremely rubbish at her job.
Either that or MIL made the error and is now trying to deflect. However, back to my original point, if it was definitely the agent's mistake then they should be covering the cost. Contact the agent's HO if she is refusing to do so and it is definitely her error.

Personally, I would revoke my offer to split the costs and say we will just pay for our own and everyone else can do the same. You are subsidising the large duplex and have less than you requested. Either that or forfeit your deposit and don’t go. It’ll cost them a lot more than their share of the extra £200 you need to pay.

Can you not just cancel OP and leave the rest of the family to it?

I'm sorry the Bil should pay more as hes more children and takes up more room so you know for next time when booking if you go as a family be with the person when booking the holiday then you can chose the room and just pay for that and nothing else someone is taking the piss. i never split anything i have my own bill separate its like meals out lets split the bill no thank you i paying for what i ate and nobody else's