Postponing school start date for child who isn’t school ready

[rockstarjuice]

(Not summer born) AIBU to do this and how do I go about it? Really not ready for school at all: have been trying to convince myself they are but they really aren’t.

When does the child turn 5?
You can defer start or request part time up to compulsory school age (5).

December - so would have to start January 25?

In what way not ready? Still a few months to go a lot can change. Are they at nursery?

Not toilet trained mostly. Have obviously tried but not happening. Very stressed about it.

Don't make them miss their first 4 months of school. They will be with their peers and plenty will be immature as well. You can't really judge as you have no idea what a classroom of their peers will be like in comparison.

Invariably they are indeed ready - it's the parents that are not.

There is still a good 3 months to go before school starts assuming you are in the UK and you will be amazed at how quickly things change in a short period. Also much of reception is play based. You may find it more of an issue if they don't start with everyone else and then are playing catch up.

Only summer burns are usually allowed to defer entry, but you still have options depending on when they turn 5. If it's autumn term you might need to deregister them and home school. They will still need to be receiving an education from you, but it can be less formal. If you intend to put them back into the school system at some point, I'd recommend you try to cover what they would be doing at school, so they aren't behind when they do start.

If their birthday is later in the year (maybe between Xmas and easter), you could delay until then, if you think the few months will be enough for them to be ready.

Either way, if you haven't already you should strat looking into why they aren't ready. If there could be SEN involved, then they may require extra suport whenever they start school, so it might be a good idea to get the ball rolling on any potential diagnosis, and look into EHCP process, if your likely to need to go down that road.

Separate the two things out. 1) Delaying until it's compulsory. It's really not a good idea. They learn so much in that first term, all the settling into to school, learning the ropes, making friends etc. BUT it's not impossible to overcome if he rally really isn't ready

2. Not being ready. Is it just toileting? Is he at a pre-school. Do you have support? Most importantly, don't stress as if it becomes "a thing" it will only get harder for both of you. There is still ages before September. Have you tried calling your health visitor?

Does your child have any SEN? Have you tried speaking to the school about this? They may have some provisions for this kind of situation or have some tips for helping to prepare him for school.

There are still a good few months before September, he may be much better with using the toilet by then.

As he is 5 in December you would only be able to defer him until January term I believe, do you think this will make anough of a positive difference?

There will be a lot of children younger than your son at the school who may also be struggling with these things so I wouldn't think he would stand out too much. Also the first term of school (at my child's school anyway) they do a lot of work on getting the children settled and ready so i don't know if missing this and going in later once all other children are settled might make it worse?

Your DC has 7 months before January 2005. A lot can happen over that time. The best time to potty train is July and August as warm so easy to allow DC to wear just a pair of pants and shorts. Easy to pull up and down. Spend a lot of time outside too.

How not toilet trained? Many children have toilet accidents at school, especially in early days in reception

No known SEN but obviously something not right. Won’t be diagnosed for ages though.

Not multiple times a day

My son is likely to be starting school not toilet trained. We've already deferred him a year (summer born) so he's nearly 5 but he has SEN and a mild physical disability so there's only so much we can do to train him (we have tried for the last 2 years and are still trying but success is variable). I've let the school know already and used the words "not fully toilet trained and will need an intimate care plan". Schools do have to take children who aren't fully continent these days, I'm sure they will be used to it. Home education is your other option after January if that's something that you would want to do.

So far you've mentioned toileting problems, but what else is making you suspect something is different, and that they're not ready for school. Lots of children are still having accidents in reception, it's completely normal.

What have nursery / pre school said when you've discussed concerns?

He’s not having accidents though, he’s not trying to use the toilet. I’ve probably not explained that well. But it’s not the odd ooops which is fine. I’m at my wits end and realised today has to go back to nappies but that means he will be in then when he starts school if he starts normal time.

A lot can change in over 3 months OP.

@rockstarjuice is he at nursery?

Will you have time over the summer to work on it?

All other milestones being met?

@rockstarjuice DS was the same at this age in fact he was 5 in November so I was very panicked that he wasn't toilet trained. After many attempts myself as ovously I don't it before with his older sister and not had an issue. I contacted the HV, to be honest I hadn't had any support from them before so wasn't expecting micricals. But they where actually fantastic, ring your HV and ask for help. They cam out to the house and gave proper support. He was sorted before starting school in September, had the odd accident at school but nothing major. If he's in nursery speak to them also.

I’ve been trying for nearly a year, it’s just not happening unless there’s a miracle. So he’s just not ready which clearly indicates something is up. He can’t really start school like this. Bloody mess!

Might get diagnosed quicker with the school being able to confirm this happens, though - rather than keeping DC away, going to school could result in earlier assessment and diagnosis due to there being a very useful independent professional contribution.

@rockstarjuice What have nursery / pre school said when you've discussed concerns?

it’s unlikely to actually change anything though and he isn’t severe enough to qualify for a special school.

A diagnosis itself will take time, but if you're in the system, then you can tell the school they have suspected X or are on the diagnosis pathway for Y. That is usually enough for the school to start making adjustments. Plus even if it does take ages, ages from today is still sooner then ages from next year.

While they are still young enough for a health visitor (under 5) it might be worth asking for an appointment/ development review? Some HV are terrible, but I've also had an amazing one who really helped with DS (ASD), she didn't actually do much herself, but she put in the referrals and attended meeting between me & school, which meant they couldn't fob me off as easily.

Well he can start school like that, my son has some disabilities and is still in pull ups at y6 he is doing very well in main steam. He will need an intimate care plan and get the ball rolling on any assessments needed.