Postponing school start date for child who isn’t school ready

[rockstarjuice]

(Not summer born) AIBU to do this and how do I go about it? Really not ready for school at all: have been trying to convince myself they are but they really aren’t.

The OP isn’t required to Google whatever you mention in your posts?

This may be true if they are all that age, but it is not best to start at 6 or 7 with other children who have been in school for two or three years.

I don’t really care what 40-60 is @titchy , tbh, and I don’t think a bit of gallows humour is the worsr thing in the world. I DO think you want a row, and I’m not interested in that either.

Then it is almost certainly chronic bowel blockage with overflow leakage. Which means he won't have any sensation of needing to wee or poo. But you'll have to engage with someone to get that sorted so....

@rockstarjuice I've only read your posts so don't know what everyone else has said, but I just wanted to reassure you that- I'm a reception teacher and I'm going to have at least 5 of my new cohort in nappies. No, it's not ideal but there is NO WAY I or my colleagues would do anything other than treat you and your child with kindness and respect. It's honestly a bigger deal to you than it is to the school. He'll be absolutely fine, and if they do think he has any additional needs, the sooner he is referred the better.

You’ve decided that based on one line 😂 and yes if I didn’t laugh I’d whack my head against something hard.

He can control his wees but since he will never ever instigate going to the toilet himself or say he needs to go he will eventually just wet himself if he isn’t forced to go. At school this won’t happen and even now I’m having multiple wet pants despite regular toilet visits, but all this is here. You just want to row.

@Nix32 bur you can’t speak for everyone. And besides, even if the teachers are nice the other children and parents won’t be.

And you won’t engage with anyone

I have been in contact with quite a lot of professionals about it actually. But

you
just
want
a
row

It’s really tedious, it’s like a little kid on the bus chanting a stupid rhyme that doesn’t mean anything but is still irritating. Your little rhyme is the OP wont engage with anyone and you determinedly stick to it.

If they have an impacted bowel you do need to seek professional advice. Might be an idea to check that he doesn’t have bowel issues of some sort.

Lord above, do you seriously think this far in and with school this imminent I haven’t been at the GP and HV?

No one is wanting an idiots guide to potty training here. The fact is we are where we are and I need to know where to go next

What did you hope to get from this thread though? Lots of people have given good advice and suggestions (some mean posts but just ignore!), lots of teachers and TAs have said the teachers won't be judging you so now you're saying yes but other parents will?
Were you hoping for support for delaying his start date until January? Most people are saying they think that's a bad idea so now you're thinking of more reasons why that's the only answer to this problem?
Obviously the only way to find out if your son has overflow incontinence is to see a medical professional but you're refusing to consider this when lots of people have suggested in their experience this could be worth ruling out.
If you want to delay him starting school until January then that's your decision and legal right but you need to be happy with your decision and you will encounter lots of people who disagree with you so you'll need to be ready to deal with that.

You’re being ridiculous. There are lots of children with bladder and bowel issues that may not ever be fully continent. Do they just stay at home forever?

I teach this age and it isn't uncommon for SEN chn to be in nappies. Also agree a lot can change in a few months. Don't defer. Not when he is a December birthday

You seem more worried about being judged than getting your child the right support and education. Don’t defer him purely because you’re worried you will be judged.

OP says she has seen the GP with him.

@Didimum she has just said she's seen the GP, she hasn't mentioned that at all through the rest of her replies. She said she has seen the HV a few months ago.

I'm not trying to be mean it's just that OP seems extremely defensive about any replies that aren't agreeing with her.

But she said she’d seen the GP before you commented that she should see a medical professional but she’s ’refusing’ to, so …

An overhaul of the education system, with a fully play based, primarily forest school style education until at least year two would be ideal.

Tell that to my year 2, an avid reader since he was 5 who gets cross because school maths is too easy. He'd disagree with you!

Lots of kids thrive in school from 4/5. Both mind have and youngest was summer born.

Will he be able to get a school place at the start of year 1 or are they oversubscribed? I’m in Scotland so the age for starting school and dates for deferring children are a bit different and we would be guaranteed a place at our catchment school.

I think in your situation and if finances allow, I would see if I could take a year out (sabbatical or whatever), home school him for a year and hope the issues are resolved for the start of year one. Hopefully he just needs a bit longer to get it and it will also give you a bit more time to see if any other SN’s become clear.

Ds3 was slower to toilet train and I felt judged by the nursery despite having trained his elder brothers (early and without difficulty) and my very experienced childminder telling me he was nowhere near ready. He was dry at night at 7 and diagnosed with ASD at 15 despite the primary school saying there was no way he was ND.

Wishing you the best of luck whatever you decide.

If you don’t start him in September, what is your long term plan?

If you were saying, I’m going to defer him till the NY because something is happening that will fix this, then that’s one thing.

But you have no idea if this will fix itself because you don’t know why it’s happening (and that’s not judgment, he’s little, it can take a long time to figure out what’s going on). So if it doesn’t fix itself, if there are underlying issues, what will you do? Not send him to school?

If there are underlying bowel issues as he gets older there will be ways you will all learn to manage it, and with a high chance he will be able to manage it at a mainstream school.

For his sake, you need to start thinking of different avenues other than just not starting school.

DS started school having regular accidents. Far, far more poo went in his pants than the toilet. We were under the bowel and bladder nurse after being referred from the GP. In his case it was constipation plus a genuinely slow system and it took years to get the medication dose right. He never had sensation to take himself to the toilet and started school with 4 pairs of spare pants, two pairs of trousers, wipes and nappy sacks in his bag every day.

School were great, after school club were great and eventually he just had to grow out of it and his bowel to recover sensation. He was temporarily on the SEN register and we had an intimate care plan.

This is a little village school too. We did worry that the other children would notice and he would be picked on but it never happened. He's year 3 now and it seems a long way behind us but he was really most of the way through year 1 before it felt like it was pretty much OK.

This is more common than you would think and a good example of what everyone on here is trying to tell you. There are multiple ways a school will and must support your child. Don't worry about what others may think..explore all options as to the cause. It is not clear what u want from this thread though.... almost everyone here is saying don't defer based on toilet training. Yes in an ideal world we would have a later school starting age and different schools but we don't. Having said that most chools are just fantastic at supporting children with a wide range of needs. You may well find that the situation really improves when he goes to school. I've seen this happen so much. Hope it gets sorted.

January is 6 months away that's a long time in child development

From watching this thread, my thoughts now would be to rule out faecal impaction. Go to your gp and specifically request a referral onwards. You don’t have to decide now wrt delayed start.

She can ask the GP for a referral.