Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

294 replies

Blendiful · 20/05/2024 22:25

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest Grin

OP posts:
Somepeoplearesnippy · 21/05/2024 08:21

I think people probably told you but you weren't listening!

Conversely. I've never heard anyone say that life with teens is an absolute joy and couldn't be easier. Although maybe they did and I wasn't listening.

Chocolateorange22 · 21/05/2024 08:22

I'm living in blissful ignorance with my fingers in my ears singing at the moment 🤣 (5&3 year old)

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/05/2024 08:23

MiddleParking · 21/05/2024 06:29

Six months absolute maximum? The phase the poster describes in which you’re dealing with nappies, toilet training, tantrums and food everywhere? That phase is not even remotely out of the way in six months. Recovery from pregnancy and birth can last anything up to the rest of your life, and breastfeeding is physically laborious for as long as you do it (for me the longest was 16 months, but friends have done it for much longer). You can make your point that the two phases have their own challenges without claiming how relatively short-lived the impact of having babies and then young children is, it’s very clearly anything but.

Show quote history

Well I have done both. I found the adage 9 months up, 9 months down ro be pretty accurate really. I was back at work @ 9 months.

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:24

Glitterybee · 20/05/2024 22:58

Oh yes I get it, every word is true!

I get tired 8-9pm but kids activities sometimes don’t finish until 9/9.30pm so by the time we get home and they do their 20 step shower routines it could be midnight before everyone is in bed. I then wake up at that point and struggle to sleep!

I have full intentions of getting my steps in before work but snooze my alarm due to only getting 4/5 hours sleep…. And the cycle continues 🙄

Yep that sums it up. It's the lying awake worries after a late night to bed. As you say it can be gone midnight by which time my sleep window has passed and I'm wide awake again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:24

OrangeKettle · 20/05/2024 23:02

You haven’t met my eldest, then.

Selfish, self absorbed, rude, lazy, stubborn…. Quite possibly ND (awaiting assessments).

She is the reason I’m on anti depressants.

My eldest in particular can be like this too. She is ND, it's rough!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:25

GellerYeller · 20/05/2024 23:03

Totally resonating here: xtown and ytown, always being available in case they need a lift at silly o clock, and their mate too who lives 5 miles in the opposite direction, sitting outside concerts at £stupid an hour parking fees in far flung cities at midnight, the million pound shoes…
Also adding into the mix: driving lessons. Once you’ve spent hours finding a suitable car(possibly at the expense of your own normal old person car)/insurer/instructor, every possible spare minute is procured from you to sit in while they practice. Any potential for the most minor journey, they want to drive even though this will involve any or all of the following: blind terror, teen meltdown, a simple trip to the shop taking three times as long because they HAVE to reverse park but only if there are seventeen clear spaces together and no one is staring(they’re not obviously).
But I love them so much and from baby to teen has flown by.

Edited

Just starting the driving lesson period now 😖

OP posts:
BigGlassHouseWithAView · 21/05/2024 08:25

Maybe people don’t prepare you for it because for a lot of us, the teen stage is nice.

My adult and teen child still come to me for advice and youngest needs lifts but life is easy for us.

For me, I liked the baby/toddler stage but the lack of sleep was a killer. Now I sleep when I like so life is good. 😂

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:26

AbFabDaaaaahling · 20/05/2024 23:47

My kids are 3, 14 and almost 17. And I teach full-time (primary).
Send coffee. Or wine. Or possibly both 😂

Similar age to my 2 (eldest I don't have the younger!) and I work full time with teens.

I need all the liquids 🤣

OP posts:
SebHazel · 21/05/2024 08:28

I am a new empty-nester. I have joked that I should have taken mat leave during the teen years, as I found they needed me much more during this phase and it was draining at times.

I would not swap them though for the hideous early years. Teenagers are fabulous overall.

The only cruel thing is that teenagers start to lie in at the stage where some perimenopausal women like me start waking up at four in the morning…

Beezknees · 21/05/2024 08:29

I have a 16 year old and don't find it tiring but to be fair I don't do any ferrying around, we have great public transport and he's got legs. I wouldn't like to live somewhere too out of the way with teens.

He only has one hobby that he does on a Sunday and it's a 10 minute walk from ours so he gets there himself.

I don't help with homework either, I'm not academic and didn't do well at school so I'd be no help anyway! Thankfully he's much cleverer than me and doesn't need my help.

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 08:29

Stopsnowing · 21/05/2024 04:23

Someone once said to me that teens take up headspace. That is tiring. While they are physically independent I have been amazed that I seem to have as little free time as ever. I get up with them at 630am to make sure they get out the house. They go to bed the same time as me. One of them is struggling at school and needs me to help with homework. Same child has a weekend cliub that needs ferrying to. They make a mess (once GCSEs are over I will crack down on this) Plus I am older and so more tired anyway. I used to see friends and take them along as all the kids play together. Obviously that doesn’t happen so if I can’t combine taking the kids places and spending time with my friends.

This is true and resonates also, there is no space/down time. And I didn't think about the friend thing but that's so true! I have to squeeze seeing friends around it all now too and can't combine.

OP posts:
NeverEnoughPants · 21/05/2024 08:34

Somepeoplearesnippy · 21/05/2024 08:21

I think people probably told you but you weren't listening!

Conversely. I've never heard anyone say that life with teens is an absolute joy and couldn't be easier. Although maybe they did and I wasn't listening.

But my life with teens was an absolute joy, and I found it easier than any of the other stages. I really don't think it could have been much easier, honestly.

I've mentioned this on a few threads, so maybe you are right and you weren't listening 🤔😉

elliejjtiny · 21/05/2024 08:40

Yanbu. I have 3 teenagers aged nearly 18, 16 and 13. Plus my younger 2 who are upper primary school age but one has autism and one has learning disabilities so they are still like toddlers in lots of ways.

It's exhausting. And difficult trying to meet the needs of everyone.

BigGlassHouseWithAView · 21/05/2024 08:40

NeverEnoughPants · 21/05/2024 08:34

But my life with teens was an absolute joy, and I found it easier than any of the other stages. I really don't think it could have been much easier, honestly.

I've mentioned this on a few threads, so maybe you are right and you weren't listening 🤔😉

Show quote history

There was a thread not too long ago talking about having teens in a very positive way. It was mostly people saying their teens were lovely, good company, funny and very easy.

daffodilandtulip · 21/05/2024 08:40

15 & 18 yo. A Levels and GCSEs (plus doing an extra level 3 for work myself 🙄). Work 48 hours a week. Single parent.

I have never been so tired in all my life.

Comedycook · 21/05/2024 08:42

What blows my mind is parents who have teens and then decide to have another baby and start all over. Mine are 13/16....the only thing keeping me going is the thought that in a few years time they'll both be adults 😂

Ihatelaundry · 21/05/2024 08:44

I’ve got three in/entering this age bracket, and I have been really blindsided by the uptick in the mental and physical workload. I naively thought it would get progressively easier once they went to school! How wrong I was…

Can we just talk about the mess alone? Clothes strewn everywhere from 2-3 outfit changes every day (school clothes, activity clothes, home clothes), cups and dishes left on every surface in living areas and bedrooms, bathrooms littered with products and hair and accessories and appliances and cast-off packaging from toiletries… Then there are the things like homework and projects and electronics and sports equipment and water bottles and books and millions of bottles of nail polish everywhere. I tidy up the house after they leave in the morning, and it is back to a state of total chaos by bedtime. When I ask them to pick up their things or clean their rooms, the complaining is unreal.

Ihatelaundry · 21/05/2024 08:49

Comedycook · 21/05/2024 08:42

What blows my mind is parents who have teens and then decide to have another baby and start all over. Mine are 13/16....the only thing keeping me going is the thought that in a few years time they'll both be adults 😂

I’m 100% with you on this. 😅

Deathbyfluffy · 21/05/2024 08:50

SherrieElmer · 20/05/2024 22:36

First world problems.

How very supportive! Thank you so much for your incredibly valuable input, how would the forum cope without you?

Samlewis96 · 21/05/2024 08:56

GreenCereal · 20/05/2024 22:40

I would think parents worldwide all find teens exhausting.

Show quote history

I doubt that as in most parts of the world there would be far less doing stuff for teens. Even when I was a teenager it was up to me to get places, sort my revision/study out, make sure I had what I needed etc. My parents provided a home food and clothing but otherwise I had to take responsibility for myself

mondaytosunday · 21/05/2024 09:03

It's not the ferrying etc, it's the psychological stress. If you lived with several adults together, each with their own agenda, then add that immaturity but self righteousness of a teen, plus the fact you are still responsible for them and they need you - ugh what a mix! Exam stress, friendship drama, first love, dabbling in alcohol and drugs, angst over what uni/work/other life choices...

Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 09:11

Hidinginbed · 21/05/2024 06:29

Mine were exhausting, even though they are also brilliant, wonderful people. It’s a million times harder than toddler years - those of you who haven’t got there yet, come back to us in 6/7 years and we’ll see. There’s the myriad of mental health issues, school, university applications, friends, boys, drugs, alcohol, driving - all that to navigate. I’d take a few sleepless nights with an 18 month old over than ANY day - and I loathed the toddler years !
I am always exhausted and always slightly worried, even though mine are, on the whole, doing ok. OP I know exactly what you mean.

Yes this is it. There is worry at both ends of parenting but the worries of a baby/toddler felt more within my control. And on the whole easier to navigate.

The external worries are mentally draining and very limited in what you can do about them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 21/05/2024 09:17

GeckoFeet · 21/05/2024 07:29

Do you really need or want to sleep from 9pm until 6am? That's 9 hours sleep.

I would love to! But what I really mean is getting into bed for 9ish. To be asleep by 10/11 latest. But in reality it's often 11pm before I am actually getting into bed.

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 21/05/2024 09:18

stayathomer · 20/05/2024 22:40

You forgot the bit where night time tv is now taken over by teen’s choices- everyone is talking about Brigerton etc, I’m like ‘oh no, we’ll be watching the kids’ choice again!!!’ (Saying that my eldest has good comedy taste!!)

Wow your kids watch tv! With you in living room? That sounds amazing 🤩 Very rare among teens nowadays…

dollybird · 21/05/2024 09:26

Blendiful · 21/05/2024 09:11

Yes this is it. There is worry at both ends of parenting but the worries of a baby/toddler felt more within my control. And on the whole easier to navigate.

The external worries are mentally draining and very limited in what you can do about them!

Show quote history

I agree, and I think the problems/worries are bigger. Mine are 20 and 21, one is a (brilliant) parent already, so we do as much as we can to help him and his girlfriend (in some aspects I have a third child to worry about). But they are great people, and we have great conversations, and of course our lovely DGD (back to toddler years!).

The 20 year old is about to finish her second college stint, but still doesn't really know what she wants to do career wise. She doesn't say a lot, spends a lot of time in her room, and has to be nagged incessantly to do things. But she's working hard at college and in her part time job, so we can't complain too much.