AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

It’s not safe these days.

What do you think happens if the parent doesn't drive? Or have younger kids at home in bed 9.30pm is hardly late. My DD used to be in Air Cadets and that never finished until 10. She would walk back

That’s a generalisation @Polishedshoesalways

My area of Londoner is massively safer then it was when I was dc! I used to navigate pimps, dealers etc to and from secondary school & certain roads were no go areas. Same for DH who is from Hackney, not sure if you know it but it’s changed a lot.

Why is is less safe than before? Maybe London might be less safe with stabbings etc but most places I wouldn't say so

Edited to read London seems to actually be safer in some places these days.

I definitely don’t want my dd navigating pimps and dealers so yes I always pick up it’s much safer.

What do you think happens if the parent doesn't drive? Or have younger kids at home in bed 9.30pm is hardly late. My DD used to be in Air Cadets and that never finished until 10. She would walk back

Exactly, what about single parents or parents who work shifts etc?

I definitely don’t want my dd navigating pimps and dealers so yes I always pick up it’s much safer.

The pimps are long gone & dealing often happens in/around schools these days unfortunately. Nothing ever happened to me it just meant I was streetwise which I personally think is useful. I get worried my dc aren’t streetwise enough!

Strange really as I was moved to East London as a 12 year old and spent my teenage years there. Even the country bumpkin I was I managed to get myself about and too and from places. My dad certainly wouldn't have been carting me places not counting the fact that 1. he didn't drive 2. he started work at 5am 3, wouldve needed to leave younger siblings at home alone to fetch me .

Maybe thats why I was less " worried, neurotic, panicky," etc about my own teenagers making their way back from somewhere in a smallish Essex town which doesn't tend to be crime riddlef

Depends on your teen a bit too. My eldest eats everything. Constantly. Cooking smells in the early hours. Comes alive and wants deep meaningful chats on religion / politics / very niche science topics / living on Mars just as I'm going to bed at midnight.

My second boy is not like that. He is nearly always about but quite, silently appears when there's a issue with his younger sibling, fixes it then disappears off without a word. Of course he also winds them up too.

I love the conversations ( not at midnight!) As they are conversation topics I'd never have with dh or friends. They make me laugh so much too.

As others have said I'm often shocked at how willingly and deeply my kids overshare with me. Things I'd never tell my parents even when I was an adult. It's because your there, doing this stuff, listening. Not judging. This is your payback karma. Kind of wonderful really. Also because mine are boys, they are my only male friends. I never had a friendship last with any man except dh and my dad. So that's another nice angle on the endless chatting

It's so true, I'm knackered today as dd was out last night (she's 18) and I can't sleep until I know she's in, she was then up early for work.

I've found the teen years the hardest and most stressful part of parenting, the stakes are so much higher when they're teens (mental health issues, sex, relationships, exams etc.)

Waiting up until your 18 year old is home is entirely your own choice though. I certainly won't be doing that!

Famous last words that 😌

Not at all, mine is 16 and I don't do it now. He makes his own way home. My phone is on so he can call me if there's an emergency.

Plus mine plans to go to university so he won't even be living at home at 18, I won't know where he is most of the time!

You seem to take great pride in not giving a shit about your son, and where he is - it’s quite disturbing.

😂
I always know where he is. He's not into partying or drinking. If he's out, he's at a mate's house gaming, and either stays the night or gets a taxi home. If he's going to be there until late, he will let me know and I don't stay awake waiting. He's a sensible lad and not a risk taker.

At 18, he will be an adult, and can do what he likes. It won't be any of my business! Unless you expect your adult kids at uni to let you know where they are every minute of the day.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

Well that figures, because I'm single

Where's it not giving a shit about her son. I didn't know where mine was at 18 either. Hardly going to put a tracker on him while he was at uni. Or while he was working abroad last summer at 19 either.

My teens are a dream. 19 and 16, I can’t tell you when I last told them off, it was a long time ago. The hardest age for me was 1-2!

I remember thinking the same when mine were small

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My teens are a dream. 19 and 16, I can’t tell you when I last told them off, it was a long time ago. The hardest age for me was 1-2!

Same plus the first few months because of the lack of sleep. I don’t get the teens are hard work thing at all.

Yes so far (teens are 14 and nearly 18) I haven't found them as tiring as 0-3.

If you do live rurally with no public transport (its all been cut here since covid), then you have no choice but to pick up and drop off all the time until they drive...

I agree with the exhaustion, I feel exactly the same. I wonder whether it is because I work full time in a stressful job too though. If I didn't, maybe the downtime would help rebalance thing.

These days the exhaustion is the mental load and the fact that is also less easy to share with others. It does get better, Dd almost 20 now and definitely not as exhausting as the other 3 teens living at home!

Thought I'd update this thread call from Dd (17) @ midnight last night, she has crashed our family car. Telephone calls to the police, parents of other teens in the car, taxis home for everyone £££ DH has got up and got the first train this am to move the car. Today will be phone calls to insurers, obviously haing serious words with Dd about why she wasn't at the mates house she said she was driving to at 4pm, but actually driving around at midnight. She was at least sober (she wouldn't drink drive) but total nightmare and really this is quite a tame difficultly with a seventeen year old

Make sure she is the one calling the insurance! Life lessons and all that.