AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

Can I say I find it easier? 17, 14 and 10 year old here. The 10 year old takes up by far the most of my time! My other two are pretty independent, the 17 year old very much so. I give an occasional lift but I deliberately live somewhere with great public transport so I’m not a taxi service. I do wish they’d go to bed earlier though.

Made me laugh out loud 🤣

I've found my teens (dd18 at uni, ds16 in the middle of GCSEs) pretty easy tbh. There are occasionally things I worry about, but they generally require very little in the way of practical input, so they aren't exhausting at all. They are great company when we are doing stuff together or just hanging out at home, but otherwise I'd hardly know they were there!

Ah this thread is fantastic. So much solidarity. Yes, yes to the constant noise and cooking, no boundaries, 2am confessionals etc etc.

The hoodie comments made me laugh, my heart sinks when I see them in the laundry basket. I also have to endure the ‘everything’ shower that takes forever, bathmat sodden etc. Today I’ve managed to get fake tan out of 3 towels and one double set of bedding (all white) so am cheering myself up with that win 😆

@wandawaves what a worry for you. Hope you have support to help you through this

I feel like the people who find having teenagers VERY hard work fit into one of the following three categories:

1. Teens have special needs/neurodiverse/troubled in some way. Speaks for itself.
2. Live in areas with poor public transport/biking capabilities
3. Needs to toughen up a bit and put their foot down about making messes at random hours without clearing up etc.
4. Has multiple teenagers and an over-full house

If you don’t fit into any of the above, I don’t think having a teenager is or should be “exhausting,” although it’s not zero effort either.

I think that's an oversimplification tbh. My own dc are pretty easy and always have been, but I've also taught teenagers for 30 years. There are plenty who are very difficult and don't fit into any of those categories. Developmentally, teenagers are programmed to push boundaries. Quite a lot who have a pretty stable home life, decent parents and no SEN still get in with a bad crowd, experiment with drugs and are a hormonal nightmare at home.

My experience of those that have ‘easy’ teenagers are:

1. checked out and have no idea what they are doing

2. Are not close, so their teens do not open up to their parents

3. Teens are in boarding and constantly away

4. Teens are not honest with their parents

5. They have other people they feel more comfortable talking to

6. The household is so strict they do not have normal freedoms and are too afraid to step out of line

All teens have problems, issues, hormonal changes, pressures and challenges big and small and fears. Just because you don’t know about them, doesn’t mean they aren’t happening. I work with young people and yet to meet one that was ‘effortless’ and it would alarm me if they described themselves that way.

Some of us had both easy & difficult (!!)

I remember having a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a newborn, someone told me to enjoy the days as they were easy as they got to be teens life would be hard, i thought they were talking nonsense, now my children are adults i know that person was 100% right.

@Polishedshoesalways 👏👏👏👏👏

The bloody ”everything shower”!! I need your tips on fake tan removal please 🙏

And whilst I love that my DD wants to tell me everything, does she have to do it whilst crawling into my bed in the pitch black just as I’m drifting off to sleep?! I try to go to bed before my DH so he doesn’t keep me awake and nearly every time my DD scuppers my plans by thinking that’s her cue for some mum and daughter bonding.

They are draining in another way. When little they were manageable now it like putting out wild fires, while making sure they havnt ate the food for tea while handling phonecalls from school about their crappy attitude. It's not like you can stick them on time out.
Having said that I'm sitting here enjoying watching scream trilogy with my eldest.

@Pookerrod our dd’s sound similar (and isn’t it interesting how kids have changed! I’d never have shared with my parents a fraction of what my dd shares with me. And I guess it’s one extreme or the other, for those who have silent teens and can’t relate).

On fake tan, apparently soak in cold water to loosen, I just popped in sink and ran cold water over it. Then hot wash on 60. I love the Ace laundry bleach from Savers too. Whack that into the softener drawer and it all comes out gorgeous (and personally I like the bleachy smell 😆).

With four teenagers I have realised that it really isn't just about you or your parenting, but there are so many factors, which also include an element of luck, how much they do out of school (which exposes them to more situations) their personality, their aspirations.

No matter how polite your teens are, it's so stressful supporting them through a massive heartbreak. Or multiple universiry rejections. Slipped grades. Road traffic accidents. These aren't things you can make yourself.immune to sadly.

You could be super lucky and have a teen who never has disappoinments, accidents, heartbreak, or any failures whatsoever. It's nore likely though that they have bottled things up.

On the other hand, I think all those steessful experiences help them to grow and hopefully with support are not too damaging. I would rather they tried and failed than were too scared to put themselves out there, despite the fallouts being scary at times.

The late night chats when I just need to sleep are hard.

Them dumping on me when their friends are having a tough time and have dumped on them is tricky to navigate (one friend was having suicidal thoughts, and my DC felt responsible for keeping them alive, another friend was very anxious about family illness but wouldn’t talk to her parents or school as she feared they would over react, etc).

Transport is ok as we’re in London with lots of options, and they’re good at independent travel.

The killer is both teens are competing for my attention/cuddles/to walk right next to me in a way they used to as toddlers. I hadn’t anticipated feeling ‘touched out’ again at this stage.

Absolutely! It’s hard seeing your kids hurt, and the type of hurt gets much much bigger in the teen years.

The consequences and outcomes can be huge and life changing once they reach this age, it’s daunting, and it’s that element that makes it so challenging in my view. In comparison to little kids where the problems are minor and always easy to deal with. A walk in the park.

My experience is the opposite of this. I was a very difficult teenager because my parents were very strict and weren't involved in my life.
Because of this, I have (so far) been able to maintain a close relationship with my DDs. They are independent, sensible and have so far been easy. I'm not a helicopter parent and expect them to get on with it but they come to me about any problem because they know I'd understand. I wish I'd had that relationship with my Mum.

I will acknowledge that there is a huge amount of luck too, both of mine were easy babies. Few problems throughout tbh.