AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

I wouldn't warn people of that, because it's not my experience. Teenage was my favorite stage. They were great company. Although part of that may have been that it was just before then that I got rid of my deadweight ex, so I was just in a better place overall.

But if I had too relive a stage with my children, hands down I would choose teenage. It wasn't always easy - but it usually was.

I actually agree 100% with this. I had my two dc 15 months apart and the early years were brutal! Teenage years have been a breeze, I separated from their Dad when they were 12 and 13 and so it has been just the 3 of us for 8 years and I have loved it. The empty nest this September is going to feel real despite me knowing they are exactly where they should be 😔

They never go to bed, they want to talk to you at 11pm every night, they need driving to activities that seem to be at very inconvenient times. Mostly my teen is tiring because of sleepless nights worrying about her, but she has recently been diagnosed with autism so probably causes me more worry than your average teen.

I have two teens 17 & 15, they are great kids, wonderful company, kind and polite and they work hard at school. If you took all the times I found the teens tiring and amalgamated it into one block it wouldn't compare with getting through a solitary day, perhaps even till lunch time, with a newborn.

I like the teen stage generally. Dd needs a lot of emotional input though so it takes all the parenting skills to manage her that way. Can be quite intense which can be tiring.

The mental health and self harm issues are overwhelming, I often wake in a panic about it. There isn't any help out there for teens who are too scared to speak to someone.

Someone upthread made a point that life is busier with teens which I think is probably the issue. People are maybe also more likely to be working full-time than when the DC are young. Also being older just makes it more tiring.

The domestic drudgery never lessens that's for sure...

That’s because you are an awesome parent 😊

I had mine fairly close together too. My advice? Get things in place for you now, if you haven't already - start filling the gap before they go, so you have things to look forward to. But they will still need you, for a while, if my experience is anything to go buy. 'Mum, how do I...?' 'Mum, do you think it's ok if ..?' etc.

Mine are now approaching thirty, and it's still a joy to see them, and to see how their lives are progressing. And they actively want me in their lives. Also, I'm enjoying life on my own. It's what you make it. I go to the cinema and theatre (often on my own), take trips, meet friends, I've just joined a writing group. It's not all downhill, I promise :)

Do you really need or want to sleep from 9pm until 6am? That's 9 hours sleep.

This is true. Life is much busier with teens. Your own work, their activities, their exams, the driving them everywhere, including late night pick ups. The stress over their problems. I have more sleepless nights now than when they were toddlers for sure! And I'm mid 50s and menopausal ffs 🤯

I like this stage much much more, but I have only one child (16) and live in a place with excellent public transport.
She was a high needs baby and is an average teen. "Wilder" than I've ever been, but with no serious mental health issues and a good kid. Yes, she stops me going to sleep with her banging the doors, yet I'll miss it when she leaves us.

She need my help with school and I think it'll always be the case. It's stressful, probably the most stressful part of my life, but school has always been a strength. I don't feel helpless the way I did for months on end with a small, overtired baby crying bloody murder and fighting sleep.

I hear you!!! I am totally exhausted by mine, love them more than life but bloody hell I am far more knackered now than I ever was when they were little! Plus I could see a light at the end of the tunnel of exhaustion when they were 2,3, 4 etc - but there’s no light now lol! xx

For me the baby years were driven by hope and optimism and amazement that I created these little humans. That got me through the sleepless nights. Now, with life having ground me down, I look at my teens and the main feeling is worry, fear for them and responsibility because I created these humans.

you are so right @Isitchill my DD has an eating disorder took 2 years to get help! I was awake last night at 4am counting her calories from yesterday and panicking as they were not where they needed to be! Take care of yourself xx

Two teens here, love spending time with them but find this stage harder than baby/toddler. Combination of, working full time now, I'm older and peri, less family support, hormones, mine and theirs, teen dramas. I think mentally it is tougher, when they are little you can often "fix" things for them, now the stakes are much higher with exams, jobs, mental health so I feel the weight of helping much more. I also feel a bit more isolated in that i used to meet up with friends/young kids a lot, so we all shared in the problems. In saying all that they are great and I feel very lucky that I get to share their lives with them.

On the whole I much prefer the teenage years but they can be tiring in a different way. Transport here isn't great so there is a lot of taxiing. The times when you leave the house with an empty car at 3.30, come back at 5.30 with an empty car and have achieved nothing for yourself. You have however ferried a lot of teens to and from places, bought last minute food tech, given a driving test and still need to get food sorted before picking a teen up at 6.30. It is still better than cluster feeding and a toddler tantrum.

I find the teen bit less rewarding if im honest. My sons are great people but they have fun with their friends (as it should be), and i am there to help sort mishaps, taxi, and providing home.

The younger them were harder but I used to be part of the fun too.

In the main (in my own experience) I have so far found my teens easier than toddlers... mainly because they don't wake multiple times a night and I can have me-time to read/exercise etc

...But DD went out after last day of school a couple of weeks ago (mid week) I text her at 11.20, saying was she coming home yet as the pub would have closed, and she said no she was hanging around in town (there is nothing to do) but wouldn't be late! I was already in bed but then got dressed and agreed to collect her at 11.50pm (OK not massively late but I did have to get up for work next day!)

And collecting from parties late with a carrier bag in the back in case anyone throws up!

But not every night...and I enjoy their company, I think peri-meno and my own shit ability to sleep is more responsible for tiredness than my teens! (I'm mid 40s)

Totally agree. I had three in nappies so that should've been the hard part right?! But yes, lack of time to myself, the emotional drain, and having to organise so much more. Plus they don't really need you in the same way so there's a sadness as well.
Each stage comes with it's pros and cons but this one caught me off guard!

You could say that about some threads but not really about this one. Are you suggesting that only first world parents struggle to juggle work and with caring for their teens?

Mine are aged between 5-14 and it’s fucking hard. My partner is about ready to leave as he can’t cope with them.

Teens (and young adult) is my favourite stage so far.

That said, I am relentlessly busy, my weekends and evenings are not my own and the expense!!

Someone upthread asked when they stop talking to you all the time. DSS is 20 and at uni on the other side of the country, but always calls for long chats about nothing, usually when he's walking between lectures or doing his laundry. We have to evict our 14 year old from our room most nights because that's when she likes to tell us every single detail of her day, including dramatic readings of her Snapchat messages. Middle child is more reserved, but has a wicked sense of humour and although his main hobby and interest are an absolute time and money drain, I do love the time we spend together on them.

I also still love the novelty of being able to just go out for a meal or whatever with DH without having to book a babysitter.

This is so well put 💐