AIBU to think no one warns you life with teens is tiring

[Blendiful]

Lighthearted but..

You know when your kids are younger people warn you how tired you will be, but no one prepares you for being equally as shattered when they are teens!

In a perfect world I need to get up at about 6am to be able to go to the gym (something I enjoy for me), walk the dog, eat a decent breakfast.
Working full time now the kids are older. Throw into this endless tasks for school, washing, food shopping for the bottomless pits, trying to provide a decent diet 75% of the time. Ferrying to friends/work/college/partners houses/social events some of the time when they can't get themselves there or I'm feeling generous or transport/timings won't work x2 for the amount of teens.

Messages about things forgotten/asking for help/advice about various things. Trying to spend some time together, chasing up homework/course work etc.

Then ideally I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a decent nights sleep, but I have to partake in a fight for the bathroom (we only have 1!) and the teens don't go to bed until later than this! Add in toilet trips/sneaking downstairs, nighttime wandering from the eldest and it can often be 12 before I can drift off.

I am tired! I thought I would be in the stage of doing less and enjoying more now, but it doesnt seem on the horizon.

As I said, lighthearted. I love them and realise some of it I could just leave them to it, but they are both ND and so need that bit of extra support or things just don't get done/get missed or get worse.

Anyone else with teens in this stage and waiting for a good rest

My teen watches TV, we watch quite a lot together (she watched Bridgeton without me though!)

She will be going to uni in September and while I'm really excited for her, I'm also dreading it! When she was a toddler, if someone (trusted obvs) said they would take her away for a few nights in September, I'd have already started counting down the days in anticipation! 🤣

The truth is most of us have been parenting in earnest for 18 plus years at this point! That’s a long time - we are not fresh out of the traps with little ones. And if the teens have social lives, parties and friends it IS bloody tiring!! Picking them up - ensuring they are home safely. I want them to be safe, so we are definitely not a checked out parents but very much more hands on than I ever expected to be!

I am a counsellor, driver, chef, teacher, careers advisor, stylist, hairdresser, financial advisor, a PA, make up artist, a loan shark 🦈 a nurse, an advisor, a housekeeper and hotelier to the odd lone teen friend! If you are stepping up - it’s going to be ball breaking!!!

Babies and little kids have simple needs and are effortless in comparison.

I adore my teens, they bring their amazing energy with them wherever they go but Jesus I am old, knackered and two decades in - but wouldn’t change it!

Had to laugh reading your post - it’s similar to mine. The nighttime wandering (and midnight snacking) absolutely does my head in (also have 2 ND teens)… as does the fact that I had sort of thought that by now they’d be helping with housework, laundry, ironing and not just adding to it. The constant stress over coursework, because 6th form refuses to liaise with parents as teens are supposed to be independent… yeah, in a perfect world, perhaps?

This! The fucking hoodies in the washing machine! Endless bloody toast! Youtubing algebra with them because I certainly don't understand....

But. But. I love it. She's so much more fun and interesting than a baby. Suspect middle child (currently 10) may be a more difficult/naughty teen but we will see when we get there lol. I enjoy getting to know them as people more.

I think it's impossible to generalize too much about how hard it is with teenagers as it depends on so many factors - what kind of kid they are, how good public transport/biking is in your area, how much free time they have to actually help with housework rather than just generating it, whether your school system emphasizes coursework (which sounds like a nightmare), and so on.

teens need you more than you realise or can imagine!

Sending a hug from a mum in the same boat. 🫂

OMG shoes?!! My youngest is 6ft 3 and still growing - the cost of size 13/14 shoes (if you can even find anyone to stock them) is equivalent to the debt of a developing nation. And why does he like New Balance??!!

Have taken to shopping on ebay/amazon for previous seasons/clearance items. But that takes time and I can be looking for weeks!

Well, to be honest, in developing countries, I think the idea that parents should spend a lot of time "caring" for teenagers would be considered a bit odd, other than among the elites of those countries. Most teenagers in poor countries, even assuming they are in school, are probably expected to get themselves about, help with housework and contribute to the family budget in small ways, not sit in the back of a car being ferried about to activities.

My immediate question is how much of the load does your husband/children’s father take on? Ferrying to activities, tasks for school, helping with their problems etc? Sounds like you’re doing it all. I’m also a parent of teens and yes it’s tiring (especially emotionally/mentally) but at least my husband helps to share the burden with me - as it should be.

Peachy2005

We might have pulled them in to start off with showing them films such as office space, the hangover, watching the us office etc!! My eldest definitely secretly enjoys gogglebox😅

Mine were a dream to be honest.
Took themselves off to their room and as long as the fridge was stocked with shite snacks I never saw them!
They aren't ND though and both at Uni now.
Perhaps I just got lucky!
Although when they come home I do get annoyed at the mess!
Am I being unreasonable to say it doesn't get better even when they flee the nest 😂

I’m with you OP, teens are draining. I love them and the way they are turning out and growing into fully fledged humans but god, it’s exhausting!

I used to find toddler tantrums amusing, teenage tantrums are horrific. Full blown meltdown at the tiniest thing the other has done/said/looked. Cracked plaster on my freshly decorated walls from door slamming.

Constantly hungry and raiding the fridge, thinking nothing about making brownies and trashing my kitchen at 10pm or later, not thinking that any rules apply to them. Playing parents off against each other.

Thousands spent of clothes that they sell after a couple of wears on Vinted for £2!

But I can’t even get too angry with them as their manipulation powers are strong. They make me a cup of tea, tell me they love me, and all my anger melts away 😂

When I read things like this I think people forget how exhausting the baby/toddler years are. Don't get me wrong. I have a teen DD and a nearly teen and I understand the challenges.
What I find hard now is the worry - what are they looking at online, what is she getting up to with boys, the fact she never tells me anything, the fact she wears such revealing clothes (!). It's all more complicated and worrying than when they were tiny. I also get exhausted by constantly driving them everywhere. I hate driving, we live in big city and quite frankly it's stressful having to drive around the city every single day, taking them to and from friends houses etc.
However, I'm still finding it a million times easier than looking after babies and toddlers. I was almost at breaking point then. I was on my knees with sleep deprivation because of being woken up multiple times a night when I'd just got in to a deep sleep. Having to start the day at 5am because they were early wakers. Never having one minute to myself because they needed me all the time, the constant "mummy, mummy", the crying the tantrums, the fact they were always climbing all over me.
Life now seems extremely easy in comparison. I can have lie in at weekends. The kids amuse themselves now so I can actually do what I want with my time at the weekends etc (apart from the lifts!). I can now leave them at home so I can go to the shops or meet a friend for lunch without dragging toddlers along with me!

I think they need you equally but in different ways through the stages. I guess it just depends on what you find exhausting.
Yes, teenagers are more independent, but the other stuff is so much more complex. Emotions, friendships, romance and academic work are all so much harder. and, of course, they also have the attitude change that comes with being a teenager. They need you so much, but don’t always want you in my experience!

it’s a lot to navigate. Especially If you have younger children / toddler and babies at the same time! That I wouldn’t recommend. Those days felt LONG - up early with the little ones and then trying to spend time with the teenager in the evenings. Definitely drank a lot of coffee then!

I like my teens. I am a much better parent to teens than I ever was to little kids.

I don't have kids, don't want kids, and threads like this make my feelings on it even more confirmed!! The whole thing sounds hellish at any time.

We breezed through babyhood and middle childhood. Dd13 was a dream, and is still relatively easy but it is much more tiring, physically and psychologically. Gone are the days of in bed by 7.30pm then me time. Dd does a sport competitively and trains 5-6 times a week, often until 9pm. Can be local training or 40 mins away. Then there's bimonthly competitions. I want to go to bed at 10ish but they're not ready and she still wants a cuddle and to get tucked in.

Then there's the endless friendship dramas, anxiety, homework, tests and costs. Their worries become your worries. Thankfully I have a flexible career and can choose my own hours otherwise I'd be more shattered.

As mentioned by PP: Hoodies!!! They’re really difficult to get dry in winter and you don’t want to risk shrinking them by putting in tumble dryer…I hate seeing the hoodies back in the laundry basket, sometimes the next day!! Recently I find myself saying “it’s far too warm for big thick hoodies” 🤣

Not a “first world problem” at all. I find mentioning parenting teens is almost universally bonding whatever income level or race - every parent has a story!

Dh has been reduced to literally hiding certain items of inappropriate clothing in with his bike kit.

Re: hoodies, they dry a lot quicker if you stick them on a thick wooden hanger on an airer.

I love life with my 2 teen daughters, but I will admit to sometimes wondering who are these people and why are they in my house?

I also feel the pain of seeing those hoodies in the wash - again!

I never understand this ‘ferrying teens around’ thing. I’m 27 and when I was a teenager I was not given lifts anywhere. Not to school, not to go into town. My parents worked and I was well and truly familiar with getting the bus by the end of the first term of year 7.

Now as an adult who doesn’t drive, I am never the friend who asks for lifts from others because I have always gotten myself where I wanted to go by public transport.

sadly not many buses where we live.

It was the same when I was young. I walked everywhere, as a child and as a teen. If we went clubbing we'd all walk home together at 2am. Never occurred to us that our parents should get us or we should waste precious beer money on a taxi! I think the only place I ever got a lift was to our swimming club, but it was about 4 miles away.
However, sadly times have changed. It's now to norm to drive teenagers around which is dreadful for many reasons! Lifts are even expected when someone lives ten minutes away. I often insist on walking instead, much to the outrage of the teens.
It's tricky though. For example, DD has a best friend who lives a 30 minute walk away. I was happy to get her in bad weather or on dark evenings. Now it's warm and light I think it's fine for her to walk! However, if I suggest this, her friend's mum is appalled and drives DD home herself. Therefore I feel I have to get DD otherwise the other mum will be ferrying her around instead. It's become so normal to drive teens around that other parents think you're neglectful if you don't pick up your child.