DH not talking to me today because….

[Passthecorkscrew]

DH has taken the huff with me and was actually quite mean during an argument and wondering if I was BU…

Eldest DC is learning to drive, they are doing really well and I’m proud of how quickly it has come.

DH has been doing all the teaching so far and I can’t fault him for how it’s going, he’s patient, is taking DC out daily and I love how it’s became their thing. DH is really enjoying the process.

DC hasn’t had a lesson with a professional instructor yet, they are on a few waiting lists but a spot hasn’t come up.

I don’t drive.

Sitting last night at dinner and DC asked if they could have their friend over for dinner this week and then drive them home but take a route that takes them through 2 major roundabouts and a very busy/fast duel carriage way with slip roads, to note we live rurally, and DC’s friend lives in the nearest city so lots of different types of driving/roads etc to get door to door.

I wondered (maybe wrongly so) aloud that this might be a step too far for DC before they have had a lesson with a professional instructor in a dual control car and also I didn’t think introducing new things was the right time to have friends/siblings in the car…

Well DH has erupted, it has nothing to do with me, I don’t get a say, “driving is a unique skill set which he and DC understand but I don’t” I’m projecting my misled doubt onto DC which will effect their confidence, this went on for some time and escalated to a bit of character assassination. (DH has form for this)

I guess what DH was trying to say and where I’m wondering if he’s right or not is that I don’t have a say in something that has a risk factor to my/our child if I don’t have personal experience in it..do people think this is right?

When I asked him to give me a example of a parenting where I have never not considered his opinion for our 3 DC he said “I don’t ever get involved in anything to do with hair and makeup” !!!!!

Just to add before I unleash this to AIBU, we do live in a high crash area so of course I worry but I’m genuinely more supportive than anything else. I did try explain to DH away from DC that my doubt at this stage isn’t in DC’s ability but more her reaction time if she faced with a bad driving on a fast road but apparently I don’t have a clue.

AIBU

Oh dear, it’s very simple: you dented his ego. A very fragile thing in a male.

Just read that he’s forces. What a surprise.

Ignore the prick! But put him right back in his box when he does deign to speak to you!

I completely agree with @RoseDog - "Your DC will be an instructors worst nightmare when they get lessons, the instructor will have to undo all the bad habits your dh has taught them, to make them test ready!"

My kids only drove with an instructor. I was too nervous to go out with them and H wasn't keen either. It was expensive but I think it was worth it. Both of the DC who drive are excellent drivers, having been properly trained.

Why don't you learn to drive?

Not everyone is able to hold a licence for myriads of reasons. Eyesight, epilepsy, other health conditions etc.

This ^

I love it when people on MN make up laws it happens a lot and they are always so confident.

An all round good guy wouldn't erupt and go on for some time with a character assasination. You mention that he's got form for this and you feel it's to do with control. I agree one hundred percent. Back in your box wife.

He might get to dress down his forces subordinates in this way, doesn't work for wives unfortunately.

Surely thats if the friend is acting as the “person with a licence”, not just to be a passenger?

What your husband meant was ‘I’m offended that you don’t trust me to teach our son properly.’ You clearly didn’t mean this, but it would be easy to interpret it that way. Best to stick to not doing the tricky new driving route with a friend in the car.

This isn't really about driving - this is about your husband being a nasty unpleasant asshole.
And by the sounds of it he has form.

You’re right and I say that as someone who taught all their children to drive. There’s a reason why many countries don’t allow young drivers to carry passengers. The stats for deaths in young male drivers are terrifying. Maybe get your husband to look at these!

Do you think it will be safer in a couple of months when they have their full licence, a bit more confidence, and no Dad in the passenger seat to keep them focused?

This, ( except I’ve been driving for over 40 years 😱)
Spot on.

I gave my opinion about your husband earlier in the thread, but I will add that you need to get a driver's license sharpish. Unless you have a disability which prevents you from driving, it's ridiculous that you are so dependent upon your husband. Learn to drive.

Wow MN at its finest

(the minority not the majority, thanks for all your views on my AIBU)

The judgment on why I don’t drive is astounding considering I didn’t ask for any opinions in my OP.

There are many reasons when people don’t, medical, impairments, legal, trauma, expense…

You have no idea my reason so keep your unwanted views to yourself.

I just wanted to add, during Covid I taught my two children how to drive - initially once a week to and from the supermarket and then as we were allowed out more I allowed them to drive on the school run and to their activities etc. They both passed their tests without ever having a lesson with a driving instructor.

How do you cope if you live rurally, don’t drive, and your DH is away for long stretches??

We are in a large-ish village and the public transport is rubbish, maybe it’s better where you are.

It's not really irrelevant when talking about whether the friends' parents would allow it, though?

You're entitled to your opinion op, driver or not, and didn't deserve the tongue lashing your dh gave you. Is he always like this when your opinion doesn't match his?

“Unique skill set”. It’s really not that unique, a lot of people drive. Is he always so pompous? Plus shouty and irritable!

Your husband is an arrogant arse and, judging by his 'hair and make-up' comment, probably a sexist arse too.

Just because they allow their son to drive with a passenger doesn’t mean they’d allow their son to be a passenger with a learner - as I said it’s possible that their son is much more experienced.

I bet your husband enjoys the fact you can't drive. Keeps you right where he wants you. He belittles you, insults your intelligence, and throws in comments about "hair and make-up" to really drive the point home as to how insignificant your opinion is. What an absolute charmer.

Yes, so you're sanctioned for hair and make up, laundry, cooking and holding the fort while he's away and keeping your mouth shut otherwise. Nice one.