Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

[orchidmummy]

I know this thread is so inflammatory, but I'm curious to understand if you ever think this ?

I've known a few very well off people who are very careful about who they let in their home because they've experienced negative consequences / being treated differently after people realised how well they live.

Do you think it's just in their head or is this actually a thing ?

If you're well off and live very nicely, do you ever hesitate to invite, say your children's school friends round, in case it creates jealousy and your kid ends up at a disadvantage?

Not a thought that's ever entered my head. It's my firm belief that what others think of me is none of my business.

The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

😂

Get a dishwasher!!! It’s the best thing ever invented!!!

Of course not. Our house is quite big but it's not exactly furnished in a palatial manner... bit scruffy if I'm honest.

The ONLY time I've been jealous of someone's house was when I went to a party at a friends of DDs. The house was bought by a rich factory owner in the late 19th century and had somehow passed down the family via the oldest child in each generation... afore mentioned factory owner had even set up some kind of trust to compensate the others. It was HUGE, beautifully furnished - furniture stayed with house over generations .. honestly like going back a hundred years in time in some rooms but with all mod cons added in. The hallway along was bigger than the 2 bed flat I was living in at the time and had the amazing curving stairs you only see in films. God knows how they sorted out inheritance tax and I can only imagine the race to get married and reproduce in each generation

That was 12 years ago - can you tell I'm still jealous?

My only friends who live in a super splendid house (think Grand Designs) are the most frequent hosts amongst our friendship group. There is no jealousy, I think most of us like getting back to our more humble abodes that are home for us.

It is on my list, but there is a lot that needs doing to my house like fixing walls where plaster is hanging off.

It is one of the items on my list that will make me think "I've made it" once I have one (I'm nearly 43 and have never had one yet, so it is still an aspirational item to me).

The first thing I got that made me feel that "I've made it!" feeling was getting my own washing line 😂 Years of living in flats or shared houses, but now I have one of my very own!

I wouldn't be jealous but I'd realise we have different standards and might feel ashamed of mine. As a good friend once said when I told them my house isn't as tidy as her house and I don't enjoy housework as much as she does "I come to see you not look at the state of your skirting boards".

I feel the opposite. I always think everyone else's are nicer so am embarrassed to invite them to me. Jealous - not at all. Feeling inadequate - yes. But I wouldn't dislike anyone for it.

Yes, we live in the middle of nowhere and bought a really run down house and did it up. Our brother in law is a gardener so we went to town on the garden then we got a pool table from a free to good home website and all the kids clubbed in to buy a foosball table and a year later an air hockey table. People come in and the comments about being loaded fly about. A few of my friends who live in Dublin regularly comment and then laugh it off when I remind them our mortgage was a third of theirs and we’d never afford to live there.

I do worry sometimes but it isn’t a case of thinking the visitor might be jealous, more that they might think I’m a snob or similar. I grew up in a similar house and literally had friends growing up say “you’re so normal and down to earth. I really didn’t think you would be with living where you do’. I usually found it embarrassing as a young person as it was a point of difference at a time when I just wanted to blend in.

I'd love to have this problem 😆

Without the humble

I prefer neutral ground. No pressure on me nor anyone else.
I'm messy. I don't have the time to tidy adequately enough to entertain smartly though our place is large, and then cook etc and then clean up etc
I never judge another person's home, be it big, shiney, small etc but I do notice and love to compliment a beautiful garden.

Not quite the same, but when we bought our house nearly 30 years ago, the area it is in was a little… faded, populated by those who had purchased in the 1950’s to 1970’s.
As those people passed on, their houses were bought up by people with young families, on medium wages.
In the last few years, house prices in neighbouring areas have escalated to such a degree that those from the “richer” areas are moving into this area, remodelling and extending the post-war housing stock, which is in turn “gentrifying” our area and rendering house prices unreachable to young middle-income families.
This has the “postcode effect” on us: it’s clear that the trades, in particular, think they can add an extra zero onto their prices, so we can’t afford to have a lot of renovation done. Now we feel looked down on by some of the “Flash Harry’s” who’ve moved in!

We stay in a bog standard 3 bed house.

I've been to a few very nice houses with ds, and while I might envy the beautiful house they have or having more space, I am not jealous and it would not result in any negative feelings at all.

I house is just a small part of people lives and while it might outwardly signify wealth (or a lot of debt), it doesn't automatically mean everything about their life is perfect.

My BIL/SIL took the plunge and bought a very nice house. They are now in trouble with mortgages rates soaring and realising it also costs £40/day to heat it in winter!

Was at a house yesterday that was quite frankly a palace. It would have been suitable for royalty - I am not exaggerating.

The mum is lovely friendly and warm though was invited in tried not to goggle at the genuine art

Hahahahahahaha. No.

No of course not, unless you think your visitor will steal your antiques.🤣

DD’s friend is a millionaire, lovely girl and parents. Very down to earth. We have a nice home in a nice area but nowhere near that level of wealth. I don’t think any of her other friends are either, so their world would be very small if they only befriended the wealthy.

I don't compute it. And this isn't one of those wilfully ignorant: 'but I don't understaaaaaand' protestations that people rightly complain about on this site. I really, genuinely don't.

We are all using anonymous screen handles here. No one on this site has the first clue who the others are.

Who cares about impressing a bunch of fonts?

@VickyEadieofThigh is it so hard to imagine that there are people out there who have a different experience than you ?

I am on about, what I posted about.

I know a few wealthy people who feel this way and are very careful who they invite because it's stung them / their kids in the past.

Also a big house is a lot of work so you then need to be rich enough for staff. I admit I was more jealous of the staff yesterday than the house. Imagine someone else doing ALL the cooking / cleaning / shopping gardening? Now that is enviable.

I can easily comprehend how it’s possible not to envy others, because either by luck of the draw, cultural influence and/or my own privilege, I’m someone that doesn’t ‘do’ or ‘get’ jealousy. I’m happy for people who are happy, and if they have something I would like then I focus on getting it myself, rather than resenting them for having it.

I know ‘flimsy’ reasons can be the truth, but I also know they can be lies. Like I said, the underlying reasons reveal usually reveal themselves over time - when the initial complaint is about the aforementioned faux pas and segues into a rant about snobby rich bitches that are ‘showing off’ by virtue of merely having of doing something, then not even Stevie Wonder is missing that one.

I genuinely do not get jealous never have really (except of people whose babies slept at night when dd1 didn’t and I was on my knees). But I am pretty happy with my own circumstances so that may be why.

Totally get this! The day DH screwed our retractable line exactly where we wanted it, without worrying about if other people might take the washing (there was shared lines in our flats but didn't dare use them) or when we rented a house if the landlord would be mad we'd put something in, was an amazing day.

It's the little things.

It’s great that so many don’t judge people on their homes. Well done, you.
However, that wasn’t OP’s question. Clearly, others have been made to feel uncomfortable about their homes either from blatant comments, surprise or that seemingly perfectly nice people turned on them since seeing their home.