Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

[orchidmummy]

I know this thread is so inflammatory, but I'm curious to understand if you ever think this ?

I've known a few very well off people who are very careful about who they let in their home because they've experienced negative consequences / being treated differently after people realised how well they live.

Do you think it's just in their head or is this actually a thing ?

If you're well off and live very nicely, do you ever hesitate to invite, say your children's school friends round, in case it creates jealousy and your kid ends up at a disadvantage?

Ha, nobody in their right mind would be jealous of our house.

Don't get me wrong, it's not awful, but it's just a bog-standard terrace that needs some upgrades.

I wouldn't avoid inviting someone round because of it, but I do feel a bit self conscious and embarrassed, if my guest has it much tougher financially. Particularly because I feel like I don't really deserve it (it's my husband who has been very successful and well renumerated in his career, not me)

No..I fact the opposite. I live in money area and my house is a disgrace. I have been in friends million pound houses and it's made no difference to how I see them. A few close friends have house worth multi millions who are just lovely people. But the only thing I feel if I had invite them in to mine would be shame.

The wealthiest current friend earned her cash, not her dh and I think she is bloody amazing. I love being round her house, it's a warm and happy house because of them. Their company

No definitely not on this position lol but I was a guest at a kids party at a v expensive massive house and some of the comments from other parents were quite shocking, so much bitter jealousy , was really surprised .
One mum though made it clear she felt this was her natural habitat and started speaking like Hyacinth Bucket, it was most intriguing 🤔

I think it depends if their peers were all a lot less well off. It might be the same as a poor person not wanting to show their home to people who they perceive as having bigger/nicer ones.

It's a shame anyone should feel this way.

I certainly do a lot of 'wow' and 'your house is gorgeous' etc if I do visit a fancy home. But I would never be jealous. My gushing might be embarrassing for them maybe, but it's certainly not meant to be. I'm genuinely impressed!

My house is a mess, cluttered and old and broken, so I'm kind of ashamed about it. But real friends simply don't care about stuff like that. They just want to spend time with you.

Not a problem I have - but I do have friends with magnificent houses.
I've never felt jealous, just happy they’re doing well.

I do feel a bit wary dropping my child to a large house / mansion for a playdate and will only do it when I know the families very well. IME most wealthy people have a hands off approach to childcare and have no idea what their kids are doing on their grounds. I much prefer to host playdates.

We have a big house. I would hate to think that any friends of DD (primary age) or their families were intimidated by it.

I've lived in a teeny tiny cottage and a couple of bog standard 3 beders. When we were living in those I don't think i would have been funny about my older DCs being friends with kids with big houses. They didn't though, so it's hard to do the mental gymnastics to be sure.

Bucket residence... lady of the house speaking...

Ahhh, no. Quite the opposite I don’t invite people round as I am embarrassed at the state of my house.

Working on it, hopefully payrise soon will help

My daughter is friends with a couple of people who are from well off families , one is a boaster and I’m uncomfortable when she visits, the other is very lovely

DD feels like this. She has two friends who are recent immigrants, one is a refugee. Obviously their lives are a bit different to our (completely normal) life. They live in tiny flats, no car etc. DD doesn't like to have them round because she doesn't want to big herself up. They meet at the park or shops.

Thank goodness because I hate to clean.

But who are these people you might be inviting who would turn suddenly from being (presumably) your friends to deadly enemies because your house is nicer/bigger/glossier than theirs? It's not too hard, presumably, not to invite home people whose good opinion of you only holds as long as they think you live in similar houses, or yours is inferior?

I can absolutely imagine this having been the case with people I knew (not friends) when we lived in a village we'd moved to from London, where (as has been amusingly highlighted on another current thread) there was a total fascination with exactly where you lived, who'd lived there before you, what you had done to the house. We were considered terribly disappointing because we rented for a couple of years as we weren't sure if we were staying, and then when we bought a house, we were considered not to have made it as glossy as people who had as much money as we were thought to have should have. (Very standard white walls, stripped floorboards and bookcases on most walls).

I remember someone crying out in apparent disbelief we didn't have a Quooker tap, which was the lower-middle-class accessory of the moment.

If people are jealous of my house, they need to give their head a wobble

Definitely sounds like a humble brag / reach here OP

Our first house was an ex council house. We lived quite cheaply and our next move was a move to a £1million + house. A number of people in our village are MUCH nicer to us now.

so yes, I am a bit cautious about things like this.

It was an issue when my. DD wad younger, when some of her friends saw the house they seemed to expect her to buy them things because she was “rich”, they got very nasty when you wouldn’t do it, to the point where she wouldn’t bring people home for years,

When we lived as expats we had a very large family house in an upscale neighbourhood. It was rented for us by the company to provide a similar standard of living while we were located abroad, only property prices in our part of the US were much lower and houses much, much larger. Big pool, outdoor kitchen etc….
I joined up to the local neighbourhood play date rota and I had a few comments about the size of the house (although we did furnish it). I just laughed it off and had a great time meeting all the new parents in the area. Two of the mums I got on with well seemed apologetic about giving me invites to their house, one saying ‘now that I’ve seen your house I don’t think you’ll be wanting to hang out with the likes of us with our little one-storey houses’. I was actually a bit shocked - never crossed my mind, and mixed with other comments, felt a bit left out of the group because of it as nothing could have been further from the truth! They were judging me and I absolutely hadn’t given a thought about their houses beyond being happy for the invite!

The point is, that if someone comes around and they don't live as nicely as you, will they get jealous and treat you differently

and my point is how would you know they don’t live as well as you? I live in your words ”very well”. It’d be easy to assume that I live better than most but you can’t know the ins and outs of peoples financial situations and you can always be surprised. I was by last nights set up.

and if you do know the ins and outs, presumably you know them well enough to know whether they will be the sort to get jealous and treat you poorly in response.

Generally I think people are way more worried about being judged on having a house that is small or cheap or scruffy or untidy or cluttered.

The bit about certain people strikes true here too.

Since we've been in this house (7 years) DH and i have been invited to various things which we'd NEVER have been invited to a few years back.

I know this because i've heard the way they speak about ''other parts of the village'' 🙄🙄Which is were we used to live quite happily.

We make our polite excuses and keep contact with these people down to a chat in passing. Sadly it probably adds to our air of mystery and i expect they think we're weird. In reality i think they're snobs and i'm happy not knowing them.

I've never thought about it like that. But my house is a normal semi and I wouldn't have an issue with someone having a big house.

Visitors to mine do say my garden is amazing though. That's because I have 2 friends that love gardening and they charge mates rates and take complete charge of making it look great.

No one would be jealous of my house unless they lived in a skip maybe

My house isn’t worth too much below a million, but it’s in a naice town and has land with it. I’ve noticed we get invited elsewhere less which is a bummer. All our kids friends gravitate towards here. It’s a real marmite house really, built by an architect for himself sixty years ago and very much of that time. So people either thinks it’s super cool or we are barmy.

Either way people should take people how they find them. I grew up in a tiny terrace and miss the community of that, and it’s easier to keep a small house immaculate (ours is FAR from immaculate).

It is a thing for many reasons - some people just don't share their address with randoms as they are quite well off (and known)- in case they get burgled. I know people like this.
I know others who are quite well off and want to show their homes off any time they are given. DD's friend moved into a new posh house and when she's on FaceTime the mum walks in showing people round the house every time. We've also had the privilege of being shown around of course!
I only let friends in and DD's friends' parents.

Lol- No!

I understand why people are scoffing at the way this question has been asked.

However, yes. I have a number of family members who I will never invite to our home as I worry it would lead to too many snide or sarcastic comments. The same family members who commentated my education and if I ever didn’t know anything trivial would take great joy in humiliating me in front of the entire family as a child just because I was lucky enough to go to a prestigious school. Sods.