Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

258 replies

orchidmummy · 19/05/2024 18:00

I know this thread is so inflammatory, but I'm curious to understand if you ever think this ?

I've known a few very well off people who are very careful about who they let in their home because they've experienced negative consequences / being treated differently after people realised how well they live.

Do you think it's just in their head or is this actually a thing ?

If you're well off and live very nicely, do you ever hesitate to invite, say your children's school friends round, in case it creates jealousy and your kid ends up at a disadvantage?

OP posts:
Jeannie88 · 20/05/2024 18:44

No, some of my friends have bigger expensive houses, others have smaller cheaper ones. I may think wow, how lovely, but when we're sat chatting a beautiful crafted dining dining table it's just us as mates. Xx

fetchacloth · 20/05/2024 19:19

Hell no, tbh I'm embarrassed if the cat has had a massive moult or I haven't done the washing up all day.
People who know me well take me as they find me. 😃

IWantAShitzu · 20/05/2024 19:30

I don’t invite people to my house because it’s a mess all the time 🤣🤣🤣.

people have commented on our house size and the plot of land, but I brag about the bargain price of £125k that we paid for it (needed a lot of work)

so no we are not well off, we just got lucky and put a lot of work into making it a cosy home.

Havinganamechange · 20/05/2024 19:38

I hesitate to let people in, I worry they will be jealous of the absolute f**king mess in my house and the dust 😂🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Hellohello48 · 20/05/2024 19:50

I understand what you mean.

I dont like to invite friends over to our house as its smaller, messy and needs virtually every room updating. I enjoy going to friends houses but do sometimes come away feeling inadequate and wondering if I'd chosen a different path in life career-wise that I may also have a lovely home.

On the complete flip side of that, my husband inherited a house abroad. A wreck in a very lovely and desirable area which we are slowly fixing up. I don't like talking about it though as it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't want people to think I'm bragging.

cremebrulait · 20/05/2024 19:56

Longdueachange · 19/05/2024 18:02

I think its a humble brag.

I dint understand why people on mumsnet think people are bragging. What’s the point when you’re anonymous.

BustyLee · 20/05/2024 20:06

Jeannie88 · 20/05/2024 18:44

No, some of my friends have bigger expensive houses, others have smaller cheaper ones. I may think wow, how lovely, but when we're sat chatting a beautiful crafted dining dining table it's just us as mates. Xx

Sadly, not everyone is like you.

SprinkleofSpringShowers · 20/05/2024 20:30

Jeannie88 · 20/05/2024 18:44

No, some of my friends have bigger expensive houses, others have smaller cheaper ones. I may think wow, how lovely, but when we're sat chatting a beautiful crafted dining dining table it's just us as mates. Xx

I think you can admire good taste whatever the style and size of house.

Jeannie88 · 20/05/2024 20:55

BustyLee · 20/05/2024 20:06

Sadly, not everyone is like you.

Show quote history

Sorry, please no intention to offend anyone. Just to explain, my friends are a mixed bag, and I'm neither in awe nor think less of where any of them live. One of them lives in the tiniest flat yet is very well off, another is living her means and struggling with the mortgage. So to confirm I really couldn't give 2 hoots about an abode, I don't have a big flash house in a great area and if anyone judged me then that's their problem. Xx

DoughBallss · 20/05/2024 20:56

I’m reluctant to let people into my house because it looks like squatters live here 90% of the time 🤣

SouthtoNorth7 · 20/05/2024 20:58

We had a lovely family home, I made friends with a couple of mums from the hospital when I gave birth, I would always invite them round for tea and the kids would play. For some reason they would always offer to come to my house and I was never invited back to there’s, this went on for a year or so, so one day I asked both mums different occasions maybe I can come to yours for tea and biscuit, it be lovely to see where you live. I never heard from them ever again. Talking to a friend who knew both of them from NCT classes said that they live in council house and in a really bad area, makes sense why I was never invited!
it doesn’t bother me where you live and you live, I was interested in making friends.
Now I think twice about inviting parents round for a play date, tea.

Overnightoats1 · 20/05/2024 21:32

I was -especially with new school parents when our children started in reception.. as they weren't old friends and hadn't seen the "work in progress home"over the years... it definitely didn't look like this when be bought it... one boy who came to visit asked where the other front door was as he thought it was 2 homes instead of just one.. we definitely get bigger quotes for things too..I'm more relaxed now of being reverse judged.. it's a family home that took a LOT of work..

riceuten · 20/05/2024 21:52

Longdueachange · 19/05/2024 18:02

I think its a humble brag.

Most definitely

Sammie1990 · 20/05/2024 23:30

Hi
I’ll probably get hate for this but here goes…I am a teacher and my DH is a business owner in the construction sector. We live in a desirable area in a very nice house that stands out due to how it’s been designed. Clearly on a teachers wage I would not be able to afford this house on my own. I also grew up on a council estate and have a broad regional accent. When I meet new people I don’t get worried about them being jealous but I get worried that people will think I am a snob or showing off if they see my house or ask me about it. When we were buying it I told people at work I didn’t have any photos because I was worried what they would think. I’ve recently had a baby and I am also very conscious with other Mums I meet as not to sound like I am showing off about the nursery or space we have. I’m sure people will call me out and say this is a subtly brag but I can assure you it is not!

Mamanyt · 20/05/2024 23:33

IF I lived like that, I'd be far more concerned about what people might think if I never invited anyone over. I'd far rather have them thinking, "LORD, what a beautiful home! Wish I lived like this," than "My goodness, I wonder what they are hiding?" But that's just me.

Femme2804 · 20/05/2024 23:54

Unfortunately yes. I’m not even wealthy. I’m comfortable but not wealthy. I have semi detached 4 bedroom house, one time i invited my DS friend and his mum. My DS back then still in year 1. They are so close together so i arranged playdate in my house. His parents one might call them a ‘riff raff’ type. The mother are so jealous and after that his son often ask my DS to buy him stuff or to ask my DS stuff. One day his son took my DS new shoes from school because he likes it. When i ask why he takes my DS shoes, he said that his mum said he can take anything from DS because my DS is rich. I was so shocked. Thankfully DS not play with him anymore now.

Bernardo1 · 20/05/2024 23:56

I can't really say, as I don't allow ordinary people in the house, other than tradespersons of course.

Otherwise, I think it is a good thing for them to see and have ambition, with the wish to improve themselves.

thesunday · 21/05/2024 00:07

It’s not about the house. It’s about whether the families who live there love each other.

mids2019 · 21/05/2024 00:11

A house is obviously a major financial asset yet on a day to day basis we would not discuss our financial affairs openly (unless trusted). A house is a very visible sign of our wealth as opposed to a bank account. I think therefore we all have issues with our wealth (or lack of) being so visibly presented and this comes across on this thread.

I think it really interesting and the posters saying house jealousy is not a thing are being a bit disingenuous.

mids2019 · 21/05/2024 00:12

Shall we all just have council houses as housing shouldn't matter in society? Love and friendship is all you need right?

GordonBlue · 21/05/2024 00:57

I'm careful about who I invite in because if poor people come they might steal things.

AzraiL · 21/05/2024 02:10

I had a 'friend' who I used to be extremely close with come around one day, sometime last year, and out of nowhere just start bagging on a mutual couple friend (much closer to her, more acquaintances to me) about how they'd bought a mercedes and built a giant house with a pool, it was 'so clearly over to top, it was way too much', yada yada yada - so people like this do exist. Also a great reminder of why I distanced myself from this person.

Magpie50 · 21/05/2024 03:59

TbH I only have one close friend I regularly invite round. She has several elderly and sick cats and I have 3 elderly dogs with health problems.
We have just accepted the ocassional pile of puke or wet patch. Home decor really doesn't matter!😂

OhFFSMum · 21/05/2024 07:58

I feel jealous of basically every house I ever visit. They're always nicer / tidier / better decorated / has a husband in it that actually does stuff. Always feel crap about my own when I come home. Never dislike the person who's house it is tho... Good for them I say

OhFFSMum · 21/05/2024 08:00

I will add that it does make me reluctant to have them in my house - I don't have people over because I'm embarrassed of our home tbh