Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

[orchidmummy]

I know this thread is so inflammatory, but I'm curious to understand if you ever think this ?

I've known a few very well off people who are very careful about who they let in their home because they've experienced negative consequences / being treated differently after people realised how well they live.

Do you think it's just in their head or is this actually a thing ?

If you're well off and live very nicely, do you ever hesitate to invite, say your children's school friends round, in case it creates jealousy and your kid ends up at a disadvantage?

Never judge people by their home decor, no and I doubt they'd judge mine.

I will admit however to being shocked at how filthy a friends place was recently, cupboards and windows, bathroom door looked like they'd never been cleaned.

She's always been a bit rude to me, judgey with a fair few subtle put downs. My opinion of her has really deteriorated,

our house is massive because we bought it 15 years ago when house prices were much lower. Our mortgage is also massive but we are near the end of it now. We are old parents (ivf struggles) and so a lot of our kids friends parents are at the stage where we were 15 years ago of trying to find a family home, but house prices have risen exponentially since then and they would think our house is crazily flash. I really feel for them, and anyone else struggling with today’s high house prices.

I still invite people around, but it is a bit embarrassing due to the size of it (and also the messy state of it…).

TuesdayWhistler I read your post and gave me the first laugh of the day so thank you, you should write a dark comedy as that is how my humour is. Am still giggling here. Wish I had you by my side to talk to my arrogant narcissistic doctor who refused me hrt twice and other health issues.

Hahaha no if I’m reluctant it’s because the house is a shit show 😂

I'm so worried that people will be insanely jealous of my house that I can't even have a window cleaner.... 🙄

No now in peri-meno don't want anyone around as most people are critical as hell, never used to be like that, so many have got above themselves getting in debt to keep up with the joneses. My home is my sanctuary where I can relax and as someone who used to be obsessive about cleaning now in peri-meno and other health issues a struggle to keep up. So in other words never been jealous of other people or their possessions or how they look etc I just do me.

No but I have had a friend decline an invitation to come round because she said she'd feel jealous of the house so didn't want to come over.

My house is nice (well I like it) but not insanely expensive it was more that we'd not long had some improvements done and she was having a tough time. I get it, I sometimes avoid things that maybe make me feel a bit 'less'.

My kids are very “normal” in a school full of exceedingly wealthy families, and sometimes I wonder what other parents think when they inevitably compare our house to theirs.
On the other hand, I work with people who probably come from a lower income background. I have been burnt in the past by someone who I thought was a friend, but after they visited our house hardly spoke to me again. She has since caused issues at work by being very two faced and trying to make me look bad.
Another friend/colleague came a couple of years ago, and now two other colleagues (close friends of hers) no longer even look at me, let alone speak to me.
So in answer to your question, yes, I am reluctant to invite certain people round.
I do feel happy inviting my true friends round - those people who know me properly and won’t judge either way. I cannot be bothered with these people who have a chip on their shoulder and go all cold towards me. I would never do that to anyone, regardless of where they live.
I guess it’s all relative isn’t it, and I suppose it’s a good test as to whether there’s a future in certain friendships or not…

In my favorite little out-of-the-way beach town in California, the houses right on the beach are nothing to write home about.
Nobody would be intimidated or impressed by them, ever, just by looks alone.
Yet they’re worth $tens of millions.

I was in a $10+million home once that had a creek running through the middle of it - literally through the middle of the house. It was a very modern house and the creek was fake - nothing natural about it.
I thought it was stupid.
Just because you have money doesn’t automatically mean you have good taste. It usually means you’ve got more money than sense.

I would think it was the opposite. I am careful who I invite in general, I don’t just want anyone in my space. If my house was horrible (like my first ever flat was awful) I was very hesitant to invite anyone. Now that I have a nice place I tidy beforehand and feel happy inviting people over - again, not just anyone.

My DD was invited to a sleepover (friend a) along with another friend (friend b) the other friend (friend b) has a lovely house, very minimalist, nice garden etc, and was so judgy of friend a’s house. She kept asking her where the books were and what she does for entertainment. These are secondary kids.

Yes. When I went back to work 20 odd years ago, I invited a couple of work mates round after work. It was all very informal and we had had a bad day. One turned quite nasty and had a dig thereafter at every opportunity. They had seemed so nice.

Before that, really arsy comments from one community midwife and there were a few snarky comments from a few primary parents. It stopped when the DC went independent.

I am very careful at work now. Colleagues don't know where we live, much about the DC (grown up now) or what DH does.

It depends really. My youngest DC went to a village hall nursery in a really mixed up part of town - I naively invited his whole group of about 20 for an end of term play date + put some effort into laying out garden toys thoughtfully and getting nice afternoon snacks sorted.

we live in a nice rural area 5 mins drive out of town - it is a lovely house but seems much grander than it is on first appearance because it has quite imposing gates + a back lawn that backs on to fields.

it clearly upset people that I hadn’t told them my house was ’fancy’ - I think quite a few of them felt that because I drive an old banger I was somehow deceiving them or pretending to be something I’m not. It definitely made some relationships frostier than they had been.

I am more discerning now - I don’t not invite people because I’m concerned that they’ll Treat my children differently. But I don’t have groups I don’t know over. I want to share my lovely space with people - I literally planned the layout so I would have a house that we and our children would enjoy having friends over - but I am mindful about how I talk about my house in advance sometimes (‘it seems like it’s fancy because of the gates - but no code - it’s just to keep the dogs from escaping”) and I try to be thoughtful about being a good host - part of that is making sure my guests are comfortable.

It’s a (hugely privileged) but sometimes difficult-to-judge line to walk sometimes between not bragging, but also being honest about how fortunate we are.

I think it’s probably a pretty rare person who would really judge a lovely house - but I can understand how people might feel a bit taken aback if it doesn’t fit the narrative they feel they’ve been given by someone.

What a lovely comment. Thank you for your constructive contribution.

Never thought about it. We've had friends around who are wealthier than us and those who are less so, and didn't think twice about it.

Everyone I know is better off than I am. I'm happy for my friends who have big houses. If I had a big house I would assume they felt the same.

It's not the big house that leaves an impression. It's the people.

We lived for a couple of years in a house provided through OH's work. It was a nice house, but it didn't have so much as a garden as 'grounds' + a paddock + a large orchard. I invited a group of old work friends from where we had last lived over for the day and one of them spend the whole time going on and on about the house and how great it was and how great it must be to live there, etc. It became quite awkward and I was embarrassed feeling it was overshadowing the other women. Afterwards they told me that, when they pulled in, her chin hit the floor and she spent the return drive banging on about the house and how lucky we were. It wasn't even our house!

I didn't invite her back. So that's the only time it was an issue.

Yes. We sold a normal sized house in London zone 2 and for some reason I don’t quite recall, ended up buying a massive house . DH LOVES it, but he’s also partial to a bit of boasting and bombastic behaviour generally. I’m often a bit embarrassed. DD(17) is reluctant to have friends back unless they are really close friends, because people do comment. Also people openly ask me things like ‘why have you got such a big house’. It’s nice to live in though so swings and roundabouts.

What a ridiculous thread.

In my DC's primary there was a huge mix of backgrounds. My DCs went on play dates with single mums who lived in nice but cramped two bed flats in new apartment buildings, but also to six bedroom million pound houses.

It didn't matter - they were mostly all nice people.

I think this thread also ridiculous and should hit it self on the way out it's fancy gate.

Fuck no

I would say yes because even family members can show resentment.

Why are people saying this thread is ridiculous? These are genuine experiences. Most people are jealous fuckers. The op is not talking about those with small homes.

It's not just inviting people round, but telling people what you've bought or where you've been etc. When my mother bought a new car a work colleague was not happy at all. She was very jealous and her attitude towards my mum changed.

Have people not heard of evil eye?

Also it's not just those that have less that will be jealous. People don't like others doing well for themselves.

A number of years ago I bought a nice house. Certain people suddenly became very spiteful towards me. It was clearly because they were jealous.

I pointed out that they had been on £10k vacations to Disneyworld etc for god knows how many years, while I had no vacations because I was saving for this house. They had probably spent the same amount as me. But they were still spiteful. So we’re not friends any more.

I have a few friends now who come round to my house and politely say how lovely it is, and they still treat me nicely. Because some people aren’t dicks.