Are you reluctant to invite people to your house, in case they're jealous ?

[orchidmummy]

I know this thread is so inflammatory, but I'm curious to understand if you ever think this ?

I've known a few very well off people who are very careful about who they let in their home because they've experienced negative consequences / being treated differently after people realised how well they live.

Do you think it's just in their head or is this actually a thing ?

If you're well off and live very nicely, do you ever hesitate to invite, say your children's school friends round, in case it creates jealousy and your kid ends up at a disadvantage?

Not at all. My home is my home, it's where I am comfortable and can kick off my shoes and relax.
I have a friend whose house is over twice the size of mine. It's lovely in an 'Ideal Home' kind of way. Her kitchen is the size of my entire downstairs! Although I visit her often, and love her company, I never feel I can relax entirely. I panic about dropping a crumb on the carpet. It is beautifully stylish but doesn't feel like a home. So no, I am not jealous at all, I love friend and see her often, but I am always happy when I put the key in my front door.

I don't think this is something you can generalise about because it depends so much on what goes on inside different individuals' heads. One of my kids went through primary with a child who lived in a bona fide stately home (with a moat!). We went over a bunch of times, and the first time we were offered a guided tour with a bit of family history thrown in, because it was assumed (correctly) that we were curious. But they were just a nice, normal family and whenever we went there, or they came to us, we had a nice, normal time. The friendship drifted after the kids moved schools, not because of any discomfort about our respective domestic circumstances. But I've met other people with extremely nice (but not stately-home-with-moat level) houses who clearly felt very superior about it, and tbh we were reluctant to swap too much hospitality with them, not because of the house but because of the attitude/values, iyswim.

We have a nice house in a nice area, we inherited it, there is no way we would ever have been able to buy it.

And no, I don’t think most people are really bothered about what peoples homes are like, plus we live in it, so its hardly a showhome. Until six years ago I lived in a houseshare, zero fuss about the types of homes people have, before that houseshare I lived in a very expensive penthouse apartment (it wasn’t mine!).

Which house? Ha ha I'm only joking.

I have all sorts of Heads of State and Chiefs of Industry round at my 'Gaff' (I think that's the word) without a problem.

Just keep your eye on the silver. (Another joke, by the way!!!)

Nope.

This is my experience too. Me and DH aren’t into labels etc, but we do live in a nice house. I have found that people who have found out where I live, that are quite well to do, suddenly start talking to you more and asking your opinon etc when you were overlooked before.

I try not to invite school friends to our house, we never get asked back for a play date if they come to us first, my best friend from school said “it’s because your house is grand.”

I do worry it sets my children apart alot so try and keep them very grounded and remind them how fortunate we are.

I will add it also makes me worry my children will be insensitive to other people’s circumstances. I firmly believe we had good choices we didn’t make good choices and am always conscious you never know when the rug of fortune might get pulled away!

I leave mine at the entrance to the Stables.

I do remember at school , Dad dropped my friend home in Kingston Vale, and I saw what looked like a nice compact house and said ''Do you live there?..and another girl laughed and said ''No, that's the billiard room''..

They had ponies, which in that area were expensive to keep at full livery.

Not that I think people will be jealous, but I'm very aware that others struggle more financially that our family do at the moment. I grew up fairly poor and was a bit skint for the early part of my adult life but I am now quite rich so I do feel kind of awkward about the stuff we have as a family. So, while I wouldn't not invite people round I do sort of worry about it & try to make sure I'm the right amount of generous (like I don't want to be lording it about like lady muck, but obviously I want to be generous and not tight). I probably spend too much time thinking about this sort of thing!

When I first enquired about joining our local NCT group I didn't feel especially welcome if I'm being honest. I didn't dress in the typical NCT Boden uniform and admitted to thinking that formula wasn't necessarily the drink of Satan. But when several members of the group realised which was our house in the village they were noticeably warmer and more friendly. I didn't stay long in that group unsurprisingly.

Not because I think they'd be jealous, but because I've been burned before with other people's horrific children rifling through all my things/certain people who just wouldn't leave/other people's kids breaking my children's things....now, we only have the most trusted people over.

I had a similar response, but in terms of what jobs we had. The NCT lot refused to really speak to me when I didn't have a career, but soon changed their tune when they found out where we lived/husband's job. Stopped associating with them. I like people who aren't all about jobs etc.

I couldn’t care less, my friend had a lovely house and kids go to private school. I take the mick with them, joke when we got a party bag that I expecting little gold bars.

I think the house is this one...

Holmwood house.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/house-prices/details/england-137618906-49566384?s=340d30ae6b000b707de17437f707c731418f615fb97665c926e3ffc60ab9107c#/

Lovely girl..She bought me a china Beswick Arab foal for my 11th Birthday.

😂 I live in a big 300 year old cottage. It's absolutely lovely but quirky as hell (two staircases, tiny doorways, witch marks, uneven everything) and certainly wouldn't be to everyone's taste. It's a labour of love for us and it looks gorgeous (in my eyes) but I certainly wouldn't think anyone would be jealous. It's definitely not the instagram perfect, all white ultra modern home.

My parents were a little bit like this - thought people were jealous of their wealth . They were horrible vile people but yes thought others would be jealous .

i live in HA rented house ( disowned many years ago .) no one would be jealous however I would sooner my life now that theirs

When I moved to nice house in London I knew some people may think differently about me.
I hosted everyone who was interested in comming to see me and my family (or have free stay in London). In my mind I don't want to asume how somwone will react.

No one complained but I am also they type that shops in Asda, drinks Stella and gets children dressed at Pepco and Primark. So you quickly see I am really not bothered or changed. Still on good tearms with everyone who visited.

It may be different if I bought 20mil estate but ther is no such enormous gap between me and my friends.

lol!

No. My house is nothing too remarkable, but it's mine and it's paid for.

I’ll bite, OP, because I have actually experienced these feelings before. We are well off enough to afford a nice and large(ish) house and have a nanny, we could afford private school but don’t because we don’t agree with them. I have worried before that having a nanny makes the other parents at school think differently of us, and I also wonder what they think of our house if they come for play dates – in an uncomfortable way because I worry they think they can’t relate to us or something like that.

It may sound stupid (or braggy) to think about those things, but it comes from a place of worry. I don’t have many friends due to moving a couple of times and working full time and I worry other school mums think I don’t ’fit in’.

If I get that vibe, I refuse to lower the drawbridge.

Not my house, no. Most people I know have similar, fairly average houses.

I did make the mistake of telling someone I was excited that I’d paying off my mortgage soon. She was very put out and I was quite surprised as she’s always had very expensive taste and seems to be doing very well for herself.

I am conscious of how certain people feel when they visit my house, 2 members of my lovely family who are not very financially well off and live in rented accommodation and who will never be in a position to buy (well not until I pop my clogs as I have left them 50% each of my house in my will) I feel a bit guilty for living in a house they could never achieve, I just don’t want them to feel down about their situation as I know they would love to afford to buy a nice house.

Ha no I don't invite people around without good notice because it takes me at least a day to sort out the toys/washing airers etc! I definitely don't live in a show home!

I have some friends who have big houses they are lovely and they host the parties as they have the space 😂 we take a dish and a bottle around!

I’d be jealous, my life goal is to live in a witchy house. 🧙

Yes - as a child and now as an adult with my own house.

As a kid, I remember having a play date and then a while later we gave my friend a lift back after school to hers (we both went to the same private school) and she was nervously giggling saying "I don't want you to see my house because it's so small ahahahaha". It was just so awkward and sad.

As an adult, you realise how much the green eyed monster comes out. It can make others uncomfortable and I just CBA with snide remarks or face pulling when they either obviously go look up what we paid or come round and see it.

Yes, big time. Quite a few people have stopped talking to me after finding out that we have a downstairs toilet.