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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He just turned up

373 replies

AmusedPearlSeal · 17/05/2024 20:02

I’ve got a bf of a year and a half, he never comes to mine. We live around a hour away, The last time he came to stay at mine was in December (that’s a whole other thread!)
Yesterday he asked me what my plans were for the evening, I said I was going for dinner with one of my friends and all our kids. We got home at 8.30.
At 10pm, I was busy doing something and saw something out of the corner of my eye and he’s standing there in my dining room to surprise me…it was very sweet but completely unannounced. After thinking about it today, I’ve been thinking maybe he just turned up to check up on me…how would others take this? He got up and left at 7am this morning.

OP posts:
Churchview · 17/05/2024 21:04

The fact that you think there's something odd about this OP almost certainly means that there's something odd about this. You're questioning this for a reason - believe yourself.

Floatinginatincan · 17/05/2024 21:15

If my partner of 18 months showed up at my house to see me, I would be happy to see him and assume he missed me and wanted to surprise me in a good way. is something 'off' with the relationship that is causing you to have a negative/ suspicious reaction to it?

Relative stranger showing up = creepy
Partner of 18mnths = nice surprise

DramaAlpaca · 17/05/2024 21:16

He was checking up on you. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, at all.

Original poster
AmusedPearlSeal · 17/05/2024 21:32

Floatinginatincan · 17/05/2024 21:15

If my partner of 18 months showed up at my house to see me, I would be happy to see him and assume he missed me and wanted to surprise me in a good way. is something 'off' with the relationship that is causing you to have a negative/ suspicious reaction to it?

Relative stranger showing up = creepy
Partner of 18mnths = nice surprise

There was something a couple of weeks ago where he wanted me to share my location with him so he knew where I was working as I work I move around a lot for work and I refused. When I said no, he asked why and I told him to drop it but it hasn’t been mentioned since. I’m not sure how to check to see if he’s done it on my phone without my knowledge.

OP posts:
Abigaillovesholidays · 17/05/2024 21:37

Churchview · 17/05/2024 21:04

The fact that you think there's something odd about this OP almost certainly means that there's something odd about this. You're questioning this for a reason - believe yourself.

Yes trust your gut! If you think something is off then it probably is.

FredsRoses · 17/05/2024 21:39

Sounds like you don't trust him OP, so if this has put you on edge, even though you said it was sweet, then dump him.

You did mention though, that the last time he came to you in December, was 'another story', so perhaps there's more to this than meets the eye as far as we're concerned.

I really can't believe so many people on here think what he did was creepy, as while he may have made the OP and her child jump, in my opinion, he was only trying to give them a nice surprise, having perhaps missed them after they'd all just been on holiday together, but each to their own I guess.

TwilightSkies · 17/05/2024 21:40

Sounds like something out of a horror film tbh

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/05/2024 21:41

I already thought this was creepy, but your update about sharing your location is really getting disturbing op. Trust your gut - you know him, we don’t. But I would be running for the hills if it was me…

hg167 · 17/05/2024 22:05

You’ve already got a lot of good opinions on this, so with you saying he came in at the back as it was unlocked - now’s the time to start locking the door so him (and anyone else) can’t get it, especially as you’ve said you didn’t even realise until you could see him standing in the house which is very worrying!

stripes92 · 17/05/2024 22:08

I would be running away from this guy as quickly as possible.

KreedKafer · 17/05/2024 22:09

He’s mad.

Floatinginatincan · 17/05/2024 22:32

I think if you are questioning his motives and suspect his actions to be anything other than genuine, then that's a problem. It doesn't really matter how others would feel about him showing up because we don't know him. Only you can answer that.

drusth · 17/05/2024 22:35

AmusedPearlSeal · 17/05/2024 21:32

There was something a couple of weeks ago where he wanted me to share my location with him so he knew where I was working as I work I move around a lot for work and I refused. When I said no, he asked why and I told him to drop it but it hasn’t been mentioned since. I’m not sure how to check to see if he’s done it on my phone without my knowledge.

Show quote history

He’s definitely creepy. If you take this further, he will get worse and worse.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/05/2024 22:37

What happened in December?

EggcornAcorn · 17/05/2024 22:42

Whatever else you decide is or isn't going on, please please please lock your doors.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 17/05/2024 22:45

You’re not singing off the same hymn sheet. He thinks you’ve been cheating, but, I’d say that’s deflection.

Alittlefrustrated · 17/05/2024 22:46

Your OP is misleading - he wasn't just lying in wait, he knocked for your daughter to let him in. I think he was just hoping you'd be pleased to see him? Either that or he's potentially controlling - you are the best judge of that. Years ago, I would sometimes be in my partners house (asleep) when he came home. As a surprise. I'm definitely not the controlling or suspicious type!

Starseeking · 17/05/2024 22:59

I wouldn't like this at all.

If you hadn't discussed him coming round, he shouldn't have turned up when you said you were busy. Sounds like he was checking up on you.

I wouldn't like this one little bit.

Jl2014 · 17/05/2024 23:00

Really creepy and weird. I’d have been sleeping with one eye open. Run for the hills.

Copperoliverbear · 17/05/2024 23:32

Weirdo

Thevelvelletes · 17/05/2024 23:36

Jagley · 17/05/2024 20:08

Very creepy and sounds like he was checking up on you. I woke up about 2am once feeling like I was being watched, there was a man at my bedroom door and I couldn't see who in the dark, I screamed and turned out it was my then bf who said he wanted to get a work shirt he'd left at mine. I finished with him the next day as I couldn't trust him.

Holy fuck,that sent shivers right through me.that would scare the living daylights out of anyone.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/05/2024 23:42

Why the back door ?

does he know it's often unlocked
did your daughter open the door for him or not

do you all usually use the back door, rather than the front door ?

btw he didn't believe you were out with a friend and all the children.

probably a good idea from now on to keep doors locked, esp after dark.

Original poster
AmusedPearlSeal · 18/05/2024 08:29

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 17/05/2024 23:42

Why the back door ?

does he know it's often unlocked
did your daughter open the door for him or not

do you all usually use the back door, rather than the front door ?

btw he didn't believe you were out with a friend and all the children.

probably a good idea from now on to keep doors locked, esp after dark.

It’s a back door house, so we always use the back door.
my daughter didn’t let him in, he just came in after knocking at her.

The doors will be locked in future!

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/05/2024 08:35

Creepy. I don't want to turn around and find anyone lurking in my house.

Also tell your children not to ever let him in without asking you first.

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