He just turned up

[AmusedPearlSeal]

I’ve got a bf of a year and a half, he never comes to mine. We live around a hour away, The last time he came to stay at mine was in December (that’s a whole other thread!)
Yesterday he asked me what my plans were for the evening, I said I was going for dinner with one of my friends and all our kids. We got home at 8.30.
At 10pm, I was busy doing something and saw something out of the corner of my eye and he’s standing there in my dining room to surprise me…it was very sweet but completely unannounced. After thinking about it today, I’ve been thinking maybe he just turned up to check up on me…how would others take this? He got up and left at 7am this morning.

this would be his foot in the door, surely you realise this? the most dangerous time is when you leave … consider alerting the neighbours, police, school, friends, as
you may need help suddenly - excellent advice for you on here, as many of us have been through similar situations, stay focused, good luck

Please don’t be tempted by him. Move on with your life.

and hope that if he does come snooping around your back door, your dog will pick up on the tension, growl and bark, as you need an early warning system in place - good advice on here to change ALL passwords, have friends and family round as much as possible, stay alert

Agree with PP - no contact at all and no need for "closure" talks. He knows full well why you're done. The worst (and potentially most dangerous) time to be anywhere near a man like this is when he fully appreciates he's lost control of you. All you'd likely get is either begging and promises of change, threats of self harm or, if he's one of the truly nasty ones, verbal abuse, a character assassination (which it sounds like he's done before) and worst case scenario, some form of violence. It's like a perverse pathway of escalating abuse for these men - but thankfully you've identified it now and it will be valuable experience to help you identify them even earlier in the future.

now it's even more important that you make sure there is no tracker on your phone etc or car !

as he doesn't need to stalk you at home, he can find you anytime he likes

and can / will turn up anytime he likes !

I don't think he will accept you breaking up with him easily, and so won't give up easily.

BE ALERT / BE AWARE

my OH has just suggested, if at all possible, change your car,
locks, routes, passwords to everything, empty your shed/ garage
if you have one, of anything which can be used as a tool to break
into your home, or use as a weapon.
Yes this is alarming and no one wants to frighten you, but this guy
has a screw loose, NC absolutely.

Rest easy everyone, we have a man's opinion to save OP.

Don't be rude.

A suspicious mumsnetter took her car into kwikfit. The staff found a tracker hidden on it . That was a dropped jaw moment.

@SOxon husband is thinking clearly.

You really think OP needs a man to tell her to change her locks and passwords?

Plenty of people who are actually present on this thread have advised OP to do this, so not sure why OP needs second hand advice from someone's bloke. Were the posters upthread not thinking clearly?

He knows how men think, his opinion is as valid as anyone's

But he's not on the thread. So why do you think he is thinking more clearly than the women on this thread?

Oh you silly person. I see threads on here about construction issues, ask OH who has done 7 years at university as an architect, has project managed sites. He offers good advice, but that offends you.

Give your head a wobble.

erm… making assumptions there pootlin!

two heads are better than one as is a lateral thinking OH

your post is rude, mean spirited
and seriously unhelpful

What assumption did I make?

And what was your OH's lateral thinking brainwave? Change the locks?

What is @SOxon 's OH's area of expertise then? Stating the bleeding obvious?

@justasking111 - thanks !

burglary, break ins, menacing hapless women

He really should stop doing all that.

I'd love to know your area of expertise 🙄

Awwwwwwwww must be nice not having to consider the dark side of life

'If'? The cheek of the man. What does he mean 'if' you want to move on? You already have.

Please don't do this. You don't need to talk things through with him or say goodbye 'properly' in order to move on. You don't need his permission to gain closure, you've done it.

Oh didn’t realise this thread had done a classic descending into an argument between 2 posters and no one else in sight 🤣

You assumed "OH" was a man!

True! But so did @justasking111

and sox didn’t disagree.

Thank you and your husband for the advice