He just turned up

[AmusedPearlSeal]

I’ve got a bf of a year and a half, he never comes to mine. We live around a hour away, The last time he came to stay at mine was in December (that’s a whole other thread!)
Yesterday he asked me what my plans were for the evening, I said I was going for dinner with one of my friends and all our kids. We got home at 8.30.
At 10pm, I was busy doing something and saw something out of the corner of my eye and he’s standing there in my dining room to surprise me…it was very sweet but completely unannounced. After thinking about it today, I’ve been thinking maybe he just turned up to check up on me…how would others take this? He got up and left at 7am this morning.

I've just caught up with the rest of your posts. Thank goodness you and the kids are away from him. You need to be extra vigilant now though as this will be the most dangerous time for you. Tell family and friends what has happened. I'd also ask the police about the Clare's law and Sarah's law even if you're not with him any longer. State why you want them done so that his behaviour is on record in case anything happens. X

Oh and yes, picking up on what someone else said, it's possible that he will now love-bomb you to draw you back into that dysfunctional relationship. If he does, remember that he's doing it because he wants to control you, not because he loves you or cares about you. Don't be drawn back in.

It's not over yet - did you get your present/s from him before you left ?

if not he will either bombard you with messages as he needs to see you so you can have them or he will turn up again !

after all if he was such a wonderful boyfriend he will have bought gifts for you - won't he...

Glad you've ended it.
He would have got worse and worse and worse.

Be careful because men like him rarely disappear quietly.

Expect promises and declarations of love then abuse when (hopefully when not if!) that fails - abuse.

Edit: Had only got through first page of posts and have just seen that it has ended.
I have been in a long distance relationship and I would have found this really sweet. I wouldn't find it creepy or think I was being checked up on at all.
I think you need to go off your own instincts and what you know about him. If you are picking up vibes that he could be controlling maybe he is. If you haven't had any concerns and maybe you just don't like unexpected visitors at 10pm (totally reasonable), give him the benefit of the doubt but set some clear boundaries.

@JLou08

If you can't be bothered to RTWFT, I suggest you at least read OP's posts before posting a response

Ugh, definitely sounds like he's keeping tabs on you. I wouldn't be OK with this.

I tried to end things about 2 weeks ago…he begged me to give it one more go, that we just needed to go on holiday together…so I stupidly did.
All was fine while we were away because he had my full attention and knew where I was all the time.
Although we did have an argument the night before we went, I had never been abroad before, he didn’t speak to me for the whole trip to the airport, while we were at the airport and the whole flight. He only decided to start talking to me when we arrived at the hotel.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with going to the police again, I’ve already got open investigations with my ex.
I feel like they would just think it was me making a fuss.

Please don't give him another chance.
He's shown you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is not someone you should be with.

It would be good for you to read up on 'Repetition Compulsion' because you seem to have a pattern/belief that you deserve to be controlled/abused.
If you can afford psychotherapy it would help you get to the root cause of that pattern.

Glad you have got away.
Definitely do the Freedom programme.
Read the Lundy Bancroft book 'Why does he do that?'

Use this experience and your last one to steer away from abusive people.

I am struggling to see which bit of this is sweet

If you need the police don't not go because of your ex. That's just silly.

Well done on ending things. Take care of yourself and your DC for now.

My first thought was he is cheating on you and projecting. In any case, bullet dodged. Do whatever you need to do to avoid the abusive pricks in future. Good luck.

Why he has the keys if he doesn't live there?

Get out of this relationship immediately. There have been some absolute horror stories of stalking and he's showing all of the signs. He litterally went round the back of your house why? Don't get into this any deeper. Your instincts are absolutely correct

The hole in the storyline 😂

Where does she say he has a key?

If you had told him you were going to spend Saturday night watching Casulty and demolishing a bag of tortilla chips, would he have called you a “saddo”

He just turned up ''as a surprise'' in your dinning room?

GET THE KEYS BACK OFF HIM QUICK and change the locks.

That's a massive red flag and seriously creepy!

I'm sorry you're now dealing with two awful men.

Have you considered putting in a Clares Law application with the police?

If not, do it PDQ.

His behaviour is disconcerting, especially since there's no mention of you looking inside his phone, him telling you his location or asking you if you'll be in before inviting yourself in.

He's bad news and I suspect that you'll hear bad things about him.

@TheDumpling

He does not have a key